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Feeling people pity you because of your depression/mental illness

D

dewey

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How do you deal with knowing people find out about your depression and pity you for it?

Like people talk a lot, people like all managers above me at work know I have depression, and they always act like they pity me. It might be in their head they pity me, but I feel like they do.
 
Z

Zoe1

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I know what you mean that can be annoying
I remember swimming at the local leisure centre
and the pool staff coming up to me asking if I was OK
which I felt embarrassed by

my sponsor was slightly annoyed at my reaction
and she said they are just showing their care !
and I realised its equally annoying
if someone doesn't realise I have diffiuclties !


:grouphug: 🎄 🕯
 
D

dewey

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I know what you mean that can be annoying
I remember swimming at the local leisure centre
and the pool staff coming up to me asking if I was OK
which I felt embarrassed by

my sponsor was slightly annoyed at my reaction
and she said they are just showing their care !
and I realised its equally annoying
if someone doesn't realise I have diffiuclties !


:grouphug: 🎄 🕯
Yeah makes sense. I find it reaally embarassing. It feels like being judged or pitied, which is the worst
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I guess some think depression is merely self-pity. Sometimes self-pity does become strong in depression. Not sure I ever felt much pity from others, maybe a bit, but most of my illness was suffered quietly alone, though sometimes I couldn't hide it well. But what I got was discomfort reactions at times, and when ill, saying weird things or doing weird things, guess it was like, yeah he's just weird or something as the illness was hard to detect even for a professional. I could be raging ill and calmly explain to someone, but maybe only an experienced mental health worker would understand, others would just say, "huh? seriously?"
 
D

dewey

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I guess some think depression is merely self-pity. Sometimes self-pity does become strong in depression. Not sure I ever felt much pity from others, maybe a bit, but most of my illness was suffered quietly alone, though sometimes I couldn't hide it well. But what I got was discomfort reactions at times, and when ill, saying weird things or doing weird things, guess it was like, yeah he's just weird or something as the illness was hard to detect even for a professional. I could be raging ill and calmly explain to someone, but maybe only an experienced mental health worker would understand, others would just say, "huh? seriously?"
Yeah. I get what you mean about suffering quietly, but sadly people in my workplace found out. It's hard to hide it after a certain point. A lot of people do suffer from depression as it is a very common condition, but it still doesn't feel nice that other people know about it. It's not just the stigma more that people are like pitying, that I hate. Or they think you're weak I guess. I think people view me as a weak and fragile pushover that can't deal with life.

I think depression goes way beyond self-pity, it cannot merely be defined as that.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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pity is not as good as sympathy. and sympathy is not as good as empathy.

but hey pity is better then disgust lol. so take what you can get an enjoy it i guess.

the best thing to do is help them see you are not a flawed person but a normal person dealing with an issue.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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depression goes way beyond self-pity
That's for sure. Some people just don't see it that way, probably never having had the misfortune of being clinically depressed. I guess they're leaning on the old attitude of "be strong, pull yourself through" and such ideas. I think the self-pity just arises as part of the depression, just a component of it, certainly not the whole thing.
 
N

Nukelavee

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I rarely feel like that.

Maybe the issue is you're assuming pity when there is none.

Concern is not always pity.
 
G

Girl interupted

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This is not a bad thing. This gives you room to fall down and get back up.

It's not a negative thing at all.
 
P

Purpleplum

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It's best not to tell people unless you're in a safe environment.
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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How do you deal with knowing people find out about your depression and pity you for it?

Like people talk a lot, people like all managers above me at work know I have depression, and they always act like they pity me. It might be in their head they pity me, but I feel like they do.
No pity for having BPD just prejudice.

With my anxiety disorders, people think they get it and are like oh yeah i get anxious too. But then when were hanging out and they start jaywalking and i cant cross the road theyre like huh thats weird and inconvinient.

Pity sucks but i think thise people just dont know what to do or say so they try to convey they think that must be hard. Which is better than being dismissed. Atleast they respect mental health enough to recognize what your struggeling with.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Since when was pity a bad thing? If someone was severely struggling and you helped them out of pity - what is wrong with that?
 
D

dewey

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Since when was pity a bad thing? If someone was severely struggling and you helped them out of pity - what is wrong with that?
I think on some level, it elevates them onto a higher position than you. Like you're this weak vulnerable person that needs pitying. Nobody wants pity friendship, pity kindness, you know.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I think on some level, it elevates them onto a higher position than you. Like you're this weak vulnerable person that needs pitying. Nobody wants pity friendship, pity kindness, you know.
OK I will go back and hide in my journal :nod1:
 
G

Girl interupted

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I think on some level, it elevates them onto a higher position than you. Like you're this weak vulnerable person that needs pitying. Nobody wants pity friendship, pity kindness, you know.
Nope that's just how you are perceiving it because feeling unwell makes you feel weak, vulnerable.

Until you have empirical evidence that you are losing opportunities or being thwarted to do your job, then it's all perspective, exacerbated by the self destruction that is bpd.
 
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