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Feeling numb and so alone

K

knarla

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Hi, Ive had depression for as long as I can remember, think it started after I had my son, 'baby blues' my gp called it, that was 24 yrs ago, Im so alone and I feel so numb, sounds crazy but I don't feel anything....nothing, if I closed my eyes and never woke up again it wouldn't bother me. Been on and off anti-depressants for yrs, tried counselling, which was useless. The people who know me think Im a funny happy person, I have no close friends, which is probably my fault I don't let people in, I'll help and listen to anyone but I won't accept help from anybody. I just don't know where to turn anymore. Ive no concentration, I can either sleep for hours and hours or stay awake for days with anxiety, I either binge eat to the point of where Im sick or I starve myself for days, I did have a month or so of drinking but that just made me feel worse. Ive got lots of questions but I don't know where to go or what to do, Ive made a start of ordering literature but its just sat there on the table, I haven't got the concentration to read the first page. Ive been to the gp and he's put me on more anti depressants, started taking them approx 3 weeks ago, he's also referred me up to the mental health team, now what? do i just wait? I understand it takes awhile for the drugs to kick in but I think Im getting worse? this is the worst i have ever felt, Ive even stopped driving because I'm scared I have medication got a lot of them at the mo, but I'm not brave enough to take them, who would do my job? look after the dog? sorry I'm rambling now, think i just need to hear from people who understand and won't tell me to go for a walk as the fresh air does wonders for the mind!! I know what will help me but I can't seem to get out of the blackness at the moment.
 
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Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi Knarla.

There are lots of people on here who will understand how you feel. I understand. Could have been me writing most of your post.

Understand the concentration bit, I find it so hard to read most days now, when I used to love reading. Something I find I can do though, is come on this forum and read posts, and it's just amazing how it can help and make you feel not so alone in it all, and how you can get comments/replies /support about a lot of the stuff that worries us.
We are all very individual in our journey, and how it affects us, but the feelings are very very similar. Everyone thinks I'm a fun happy person too, it's exhausting isn't it.

On one of my really low days I started a journal here on the site, tried to do one at home and just don't seem to have the motivation, but I have been writing in it here on good and bad days, and it's helped me, and I've surprised myself how I have actually used it.

look forward to hearing how you are and how your getting on , on your journey.

X
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi Knarla, I just wanted to say I know what you are going through because I feel just the same, everything is just a struggle at the moment and I can't see any way out. I hope someone will come and reply to your post with some advice and encouragement. People on the forum are usually very supportive and caring.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi Knarla.

There are lots of people on here who will understand how you feel. I understand. Could have been me writing most of your post

Understand the concentration bit, I find it so hard to read most days now, when I used to love reading. Something I find I can do though, is come on this forum and read posts, and it's just amazing how it can help and make you feel not so alone in it all, and how you can get comments/replies /support about a lot of the stuff that worries us.
We are all very individual in our journey, and how it affects us, but the feelings are very very similar. Everyone thinks I'm a fun happy person too, it's exhausting isn't it.

On one of my really low days I started a journal here on the site, tried to do one at home and just don't seem to have the motivation, but I have been writing in it here on good and bad days, and it's helped me, and I've surprised myself how I have actually used it.

look forward to hearing how you are and how your getting on , on your journey.

X
Ps. In amongst that, I forgot to say welcome to you. Sorry.
and I'm sorry you are feeling worse at the moment. I don't have the answers, but can only tell you from my experience, i was persistent with the professionals (on good days). it sounds like you have got the ball rolling and I hope you hear soon, I know it's easy for me to say, but call and ask them when you will hear and tell them when you feel worse.
And come into the forum and chat and ask questions x
 
K

knarla

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Thank you both. I too used to read a lot, and write but now all i do is go to work, come home, walk the dog, feed her then either sit or lie on the sofa, the tv's on but I've no idea what Im watching, everything outside the house takes my energy, so when Im home I do nothing. before i go and see anybody at the mental health team i want to write in my journal so at least I'm not sat looking out of the window saying 'I'm fine'!!!
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Thank you both. I too used to read a lot, and write but now all i do is go to work, come home, walk the dog, feed her then either sit or lie on the sofa, the tv's on but I've no idea what Im watching, everything outside the house takes my energy, so when Im home I do nothing. before i go and see anybody at the mental health team i want to write in my journal so at least I'm not sat looking out of the window saying 'I'm fine'!!!
Don't beat yourself up, you do such a lot ! I understand whatever you do though, it's how you feel.
Yeh good idea the journal, because I found I forgot stuff too when I went to speak to people ..

Wishing you well. X
 
W

Wonder010101

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
67
Hi Knarla :)

Welcome to the forum!

I currently also feel like life is a struggle too, but just hang on, everything will one day be okay :)
I understand what you mean when others give advice, it's just not the same for all people, and sometimes we ourselves know what works but aren't able to pull ourselves to do it because life becomes too much of a struggle.
Something gets me through though everyday and that's remembering that there is a light at the end of every tunnel. You can do this :)
Hope you're okay :) x
 
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