- Mar 12, 2015
Hi, Ive had depression for as long as I can remember, think it started after I had my son, 'baby blues' my gp called it, that was 24 yrs ago, Im so alone and I feel so numb, sounds crazy but I don't feel anything....nothing, if I closed my eyes and never woke up again it wouldn't bother me. Been on and off anti-depressants for yrs, tried counselling, which was useless. The people who know me think Im a funny happy person, I have no close friends, which is probably my fault I don't let people in, I'll help and listen to anyone but I won't accept help from anybody. I just don't know where to turn anymore. Ive no concentration, I can either sleep for hours and hours or stay awake for days with anxiety, I either binge eat to the point of where Im sick or I starve myself for days, I did have a month or so of drinking but that just made me feel worse. Ive got lots of questions but I don't know where to go or what to do, Ive made a start of ordering literature but its just sat there on the table, I haven't got the concentration to read the first page. Ive been to the gp and he's put me on more anti depressants, started taking them approx 3 weeks ago, he's also referred me up to the mental health team, now what? do i just wait? I understand it takes awhile for the drugs to kick in but I think Im getting worse? this is the worst i have ever felt, Ive even stopped driving because I'm scared I have medication got a lot of them at the mo, but I'm not brave enough to take them, who would do my job? look after the dog? sorry I'm rambling now, think i just need to hear from people who understand and won't tell me to go for a walk as the fresh air does wonders for the mind!! I know what will help me but I can't seem to get out of the blackness at the moment.
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