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feeling lost

calabi-yau

calabi-yau

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
3
i can't really go into details because it would be too stressful, but it mainly comes down to feeling like i'm being preyed on because of my vulnerability.

i'm going for long walks and bike rides to help. seeing nature and meeting people on the trails helps lift my spirit. i'm on 800mg of quetiapine each day and that is helping with mania and agitation.

i've just had a very final argument with my mother and agreed to keep things civil until i can find alternative accommodation. i'm being helped with this by a local housing charity, but it could be a couple of months before i find something they think is suitable.

i'm trying so hard to keep my mind straight and not let bitterness motivate my actions but its getting really tough. something inside me tells me that i've got to keep going. my first plan is to get up before my mum and dad wake and spend as much of the day out and about and try to look for things to help me process my thoughts and escape the negativity if i can.

i know i've not given much to go on but i hope i can get some help
 
calabi-yau

calabi-yau

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Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
3
wow, what a day! amazingly things are settled between mum and i. i think what happened is we forgave each other as the day went on. this has had a good effect on my reasoning processes and i've shown more humility and people have responded more positively to my actions.
:)
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I'm glad to read your positive update and it's great that things have improved. (y)

Oh, and welcome to the forum too. :)
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Nov 1, 2014
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Welcome calabi-yau,

Wow it seems as if you are helping yourself tremendously.
The exercise, fresh air and interacting with others sounds very positive.

Sorry things haven't been in a good way with your mum.
You're making all the right steps.
Do you have other hobbies or interests that you can pre-occupy yourself with?
 
calabi-yau

calabi-yau

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
3
i listen to a lot of music. i'm mainly into house music but am listening to a lot of more lyrical stuff recently. i've used music and mixes to express my feelings and its very cathartic. it can also be negative because i can become overfilled with creative energy and it fuels the mania. i get to a level of conciousness where i feel i lose touch with almost everyone without realising it at the time. hindsight is always 20/20.

i'm a huge movie fan. it's escapism. plus i learn how people interact through the stories and i try to make sense of what i don't instinctively understand in the real world.

i'm a total science geek. i've always wanted to know how things work: what makes them tick. since learning how to use the scientific method i use it to try to find my place in the world. i keep trying new ideas until i find something that works. i've repressed my emotions for years and trying to understand myself and others as human animals is helping me to regain my humanity.

i want to understand the universe... totally! the feedback i get as i explore ideas more deeply is much more than i expected. i see unity in many things... well everything actually. its just a matter of letting things run their course and weathering each storm. i'm looking for peace and harmony *lightbulb*

Brothers In Rhythm - Peace And Harmony (Violence & Discord Mix)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tAEl-ZsU1c
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Nov 1, 2014
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Thanks for that message because i can relate with that about the energy becoming too much and it fuelling mania.

I'm waiting till friday for an app. with my therapist so my psychiatrist can up my sertraline (as he offered); it made me realise i can think i'm okay but looking at the bigger picture, actually i need a greater dosage.
 
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