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Feeling Lost?

fairy_wings

fairy_wings

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
21
Location
Somewhere
I'm 32 and I had my first baby last year; she's now 9 months old. I've found things difficult since having her and part of my always knew I would as I had a history of depression and anxiety. When I fell pregnant I had just recovered from an eating disorder and my pregnancy was a bit of a catalyst in getting better; I had to eat and look after myself because my baby was inside me. After she was born I was conscious of losing my baby weight but I didn't remember feeling particularly stressed about it. I lost the weight naturally I by the time she was 6 months old.
In the last two months something has changed, life is stressful at the moment due to various outside factors but I have a supportive boyfriend and we have some family support too, but before Christmas I just stopped eating again. Now I feel totally caught up in my eating again and i don't know what to do to change things. It feels so addictive, I don't want to start eating, I want to starve myself but I feel like the worse mum in the world, I feel sometimes my daughter and partner would be better off without me here. I have thoughts about not being here, sometimes I self harm and temporarily feel better but I know that isn't the answer. When I was ill before it took such a long time to access MH services and I had to ironically get worse before I could get better. I can't go through all that again. I've lost weight but not enough at the moment for people to be concerned. I'm already taking antidepressants, I'm not even sure if I feel depressed or just tired! The GP has just increased the ADS so maybe that will help but I'm not really sure where to turn or what to do for the best. Sorry for this long rambled post!!
 
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M

Mastiff mom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2014
Messages
1,157
Location
Washington,DC
Dear Fairy Wings, post parturition depression can take many forms and be a terribly difficult experience, especially if you already have MH issues. Are you able to see a therapist? Please take good care of yourself--your baby needs a healthy mom and you deserve to be happy and healthy. Big hugs to you.
 
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