Feeling lost, please help

[tyger36]

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Hi everyone,

I'm a separated father (39) of 2 and had been dating this girl (32)
for almost a year now. Whom I known and work for me for 2 years before we got together.
Yes, I'm like her teacher, mentor, boss, doctor, father, brother & a lover.
I can say that we are madly in love and she doesn't mind my past so long we are happy
together. Thought I've met somebody I can finally embraced and gave each other lots of support and we are very very happy together.

We have our rare ups & downs is when she claims somebody in the office are bullying her. Since she is a shy & quiet girl by nature, she got mad and treated me as her punching bag. When asked how is she been bullied, she doesn't seems to be able express it properly, stating I'm at fault for all this. Things got serious, she left and joint another company then with my recomendation and help.
After just 2 months (only recently) she claimed the same thing happens in her new office and now she accused me of ganging up with her past & present enemies to bully her.

Slam! thats it! And she had refused to meet up anymore. During that week, she kept calling me with crying and angry tone asking why I do all this evil things to her. And I kept repeating myself telling her I didn't do anything, please calm down & I'll help you. But I knew at that time, whatever I said, she would not listen.

Feeling weak, confused, devastated & depressed as to what when wrong and
why she change like that all of the sudden. 3 weeks pasted and I can't seems to get over her, please help.

 

[Dollit]

This is a forum that is centred around mental health problems and the related issues and it may not be the best place for you to get advice about relationships in general.

 

[sweatystringvest]

Dollit, I hope you don't mind, but I have an opinion I'd like to share.

Tyger36, by all accounts it sounds as if your girlfriend suffers from dellusions and possibly hears voices because she sounds extremely paranoid.

The things you've mentioned sound like she is going through a very rough time. She is having difficulty with her everyday life, probably because she is stressed, which will only make her state of mind worse.

She believes she is being bullied by you and your work mates in her old job, which is why she left? Oh my. Because, now that she has started a new job and still believes she is being bullied by you this isn't good. She can't block the idea out of her mind, or her brain finds it easy to misinterpret normal verbal exchanges for negative conspiracy theory type things. I think she is very ill.

I used to date a girl, I was aged 19. Unfortunately I believed she was sleeping with my friend behind my back. This of course was completely irrational and dellusional. The only thing I could do as the accuser to try and resolve the issue was to try and be rational about things, but it wasn't easy as I was convinced by my dellusions and the voices I heard that it was going on.

I would suggest taking her out with the people she knows from the old job and support her the whole evening. Show her you only care about her. Perhaps even take the piss out of these people she thinks you are bullying her with. But don't let her drink to much alcohol, coffee and definately don't let her take any drugs because if it was me I'd go nuts!

Or take her aside and let her know what you really think of the people who she accuses she is being bullied by. It might help her understand where you're coming from. My ex girlfriend told me what she thought of my friend with whom I thought she was sleeping with. It put a lot into perspective.

Finally, check she is actually taking all of her medication and on a regular basis. Plus she needs to be sleeping and eating well, and even doing exercise. These simple things will help keep her state of mind in good clear order.

I sincerely hope some of that advise is useful and that I didn't jump to too many conclusions. Don't be shy to call her though so you can try and patch things up. You need to reassure her and reassure her again.

If you want to private message me about this, feel free. I'll try to help.

Sweatystringvest

 

[schizolanza]

Hi sweatystringvest.I hope you don't mind me asking,but why did you choose your username?LOL!

 

[sweatystringvest]

People with Schizophrenia tend not to care about personal hygiene. I also typically got run over when I was aged 19. I was bored one day at home with a broken collar bone and shoulder blade, on my prodominant side... I sat there in my pants and socks. It was quite fragrant in my room - my odour was something special. But it was difficult to bathe because of my injuries - Anyway I was about to enter a Yahoo chat room or something and dreamt up the name, inspired by Rab C Nesbit, although I think I put him to shame that day... (And I haven't bathed since)

 

[saffron]

hi tygre
You must e very confused about what is happening, but although you may have known her before, being with her in a relationship is entireley different and it seems like this is a false relationship,
you quoted 'Yes, I'm like her teacher, mentor, boss, doctor, father, brother & a lover.' with all that on offer no wonder she is happy, you mentioned something about your past, do not disclose untill you are ready, but this seems to have bearing on the way you feel.
she seems very demanding?
is that really fair on you or your children. is she asking impossible or unfair things?

I does not sound like she has very good self esteem either and is testing your loyalty out.
sounds to me like you need to reevaluate the relationship and see whether you want an equal or someone you do not mind being quote 'Yes, I'm like her teacher, mentor, boss, doctor, father, brother & a lover.

hope think work out for you in the end
S

 

[tyger36]

Thanks for all the great advice guys & gals.

Actually I sensed that she might have this mental thing earlier
but I refused to believe it at first. But being her bf, I need to calm things &
try to understand her.

Ok, but what if (pretend) those things she said was true?
She claimed ppl (especially her superior whom she claimed doesn't like her that much) talking behind her back like conversations
both of us had a couple of days ago, tex msg & even photos we took!
So from this stories, it is obvious that I'm the culprit.
Could it be her enemies plotted all this? Possible but sounds too extravagant.

Im lost at sea, I know all this sounds weird & complicated. I wont be here if I can solve this.
Perhaps I'm trying too hard to proof her I didn't do it.

I'd call her last week. She sounded like a stranger at first so
when I broke into tears, her tone of voice changes saying
she doesn't know why she behaved like this and needs to cool down.
It was a very messy conversation, so I told her to call me when you
feeling calm.
I'm willing to wait, but the worst part is how long? 1 day feels
like 1 year. I know all this seems very childish for my age, she is my weakest link.

I want to help her. Any advice as how do I get her to seek external help?
Afraid things might get worst if I ask her to see a psychiatrist.

Pls dont ask me let go at the moment, I'm just trying to see if
theres any hope. Our relationship was very special until this sudden change. I still love her very much.

 

[saffron]

e claimed ppl (especially her superior whom she claimed doesn't like her that much) talking behind her back like conversations
both of us had a couple of days ago, tex msg & even photos we took!

that sounds like paranoia to me, but dont quote me on that, people who have this can also be unpredictable, unsure of themselves and especially others arounds and a fear of intimacy and commitment.
If you love her then you must keep trying to find a way to get through to her, giving up may only feed her thoughts.
However, you also have to be realistic as well, you have people who already depend on you, you also are not a professional, ut you have seen that something is wrong and that you are worried about it.
honesty but diplomacy can sometimes be the way forward, you are already extremelly paitient and maybe your nurturing side is really coming out seeing this girl having problems.
you can also phone helplines and ask for things you can do to help.
best wishes
D

 

[sweatystringvest]

I'm just trying to see if
theres any hope

In my opinion I think the best thing to do is have a brief read about the main symptoms of schizophrenia - when she calls you, you might be able to rationalise some of her thinking - but you know the longer she goes untreated the more of a danger to herself she'll be.

Schizophrenia is a blurr between reality and non reality, and it's a pretty destroying thing - dellusions and hallucinations, paranoia and conspiracy theories, extreme lazyness, anxiety and nervousness, no sighs of emotion and lack of interest in things you used to take great pleasure in, are some of the crap that comes with the illness.

Audiable and visual hallucinations aren't uncommon, coupled with conspiracy theories and extreme paranoia - "people trying to get you" But with the right directional pushes she can be well again... It'll take time. But she can get better, but possibly be on anti-pyschotics for a few years, possibly life. And the sooner the better - to catch it early.

The longer she experiences these things the harder it could be to bring your girlfriend back.

If does suffer from some kind of Schizophrenia, stick with her if you love her, because she'll need all the support she can get.

Keep us updated, but do read about the illness before you speak to her again.

Mike

 

[sweatystringvest]

talking behind her back like conversations
both of us had a couple of days ago, tex msg & even photos we took!

She is definately hearing voices I would say, I hear voices too - it's not easy to deal with sometimes, but this is classic I would say

She believes everyone is trying to get her, this is the conspiracy theory thing i.e., people talking about her behind her back.


I've exeprienced all these things and I'm 100% certifiable. My life fell away from me right before my very eyes... catch it quick and urge her to see someone...