Feeling Lost and that you do not Belong in Society

Thatguywho

Thatguywho

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
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3
#1
I have always known that i have been different, not in an ordinary way. Simple day to day tasks/activities require a lot of focus and willpower just to be able to do them, i overthink situations 'what if, will someone' especially public places i get so tense and nervous often have to walk with my head down if alone, struggling to look people in the eye.

Too scared to say hello, too scared to ask for help often these feelings have determined my path way in life its not a matter of yes or no, the thought and emotion of overthinking things have often left me choosing a path which involves less social interaction. Through College and High school i chose studies with my close friends, them select few that understand you in some way, this was to help me In my mind stay calm. If i find myself in a room with nobody i don't know I stutter if being spoke to, my conversations stay short and often 1 or 2 word answers, i sweat and lose focus, try to avoid eye contact at all costs building walls around me trying to prevent myself from being a nervous wreck. I remember everytime a presentation came up in college I'd not go for weeks on end missing that specific lesson just to avoid doing so which lead to me doing 1 on 1 presentations as i was falling behind, prrior to this i tried doing one in front of the students i F****d up real bad, before the presentation took place i though about the dreaded day for weeks the day came and i built so much scenario's in my head i crumbled when giving the first few words on the day, i ended up walking out.

Social outgoings WOW!
Never in all my life has something terrified me so much, especially sit down mealss with a bunch of people making fake conversation and produccing fake smiles upon your face as if to say everything is swell and bliss in life. I hate them, despise them infact. The amount of attention you get when asked a question at the table is unbearable 7 pairs of eyes burrowing into your skin, knowing they are waiting for a witty answer for them to have a giggle at. More like 'excuse me i need the toilet' escape through the back window and disappear from the world.

Other outgoings can be hard but you have your good and bad days, always making excuses up for not attending or cancelling at the last minute. Not because you don't want to but because you simply can't allow yourself. CONSUME BEER, MORE BEER AND SOME MORE. At the moment this is my remedy, and engagement of the opposite sex has been Via beer this is horrible i wake up and it's like what did i do, how did i manage this i could never do this when im sober. If going into shops intown, before going take a few shots of vodka to take the edge off it really helps for me but it is not an long time solution nor is taking benzo's.

Now i do not know if i have got lucky in life, i am certainly doing alright for myself and have a steady well paid job for my age whom i joined with a Friend of mine, without him i would not be at the stage i am today. The Work environment is a strange place and a lot of people can be very deceiving and hard to read, never knowing if they are joking or being serious.

PS. My reaction to everything is Smile. Sometimes Fake, Sometimes not needed, but i try to perceive myself to be happy when other people look at me, they do not know me. Just lost in this world :) I'm new here what happens from here i do not know, but its nice to know other people feel like me too.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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#3
hello :welcome: to the forum

I have social anxiety as well and i can relate to most of your post. Well, apart from the bit about having a steady job, lol.

I hope you will feel less alone now you're here.
 
G

GalaxyDuster

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
5
#4
I also feel very tense in social situations. I have a full time job, because I have to, and some days it takes every ounce of energy in my body to leave my house, go to work, and interact with people. I overthink everything. I wonder and even vividly imagine what others think of me. It's very crippling. I used to be on benzodiazepines to help, but my most current doctor told me they were a "crutch," so now I have nothing. I drink almost every night to relax after the stress of anxiety and panic all day (not just social issues, either. Everything)!

I think most doctors simply do not understand how it feels. They do not want to justify giving a controlled medicine to anyone over a long period. They don 't realize how people like this just endlessly suffer. How could they?

I guess I don't really have good advice, but I just want you to know that you're not at all alone. <3
 
Thatguywho

Thatguywho

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
3
#5
<3 It's nice to know that i am not the only one that feels like this, brings a smile to my face! Ive had my set of friends for years and years now, childhood friends as I've got older i have found it more difficult to integrate with new people, safe to say they are for life. I feel you about the drinking, it's not good for us but what else is there. There is no OFF switch, often wonder how life would be like if i was labeled as 'normal'. I appreciate the reply, advice or not it helps just knowing. And Yes it's the worst constantly thinking people are judging and criticizing you :/ Another thing i can't seem to cope with is having a general conversation with a friend if a stranger is with hearing distance, i just don't say anything or mutter an answer, probably leaving my friend be-wildered. Hehe damn if i could id rather chat message all the time even if they are right beside me. Escaping reality 99.99% of the time :shrug:

How did you feel while on Benzo's feel free to inbox me, i hope you all have a good day, and just remember i am here if you ever need to chat if you are feeling down or that something is bothering you. I am here.
 
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