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Feeling like you're pushing people away

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BipolarGossamer

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Dec 16, 2020
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10
Location
Chicago, Illinois
I've been reading a lot of posts recently about feeling like when you meet people, you overload them with personal problems that you've been dealing with and sharing too much too soon. And then it seems like they get scared, back out, and disappear. You're left lonely and asking yourself what you're doing wrong.

I've had similar experiences where I overshare my problems. In the past I have told people that I have bipolar disorder when we aren't even that close. I remember one time these girls were always around when I was telling people about it, and then I realized they were giving each other eye contact like "here she goes again." That's what really made me wake up and stop revealing my issues too early and with people that I barely know. I think it's important to keep certain things to yourself until you know someone's ready to hear it, but also it's good to feel comfortable talking about it. There's a balance.

I was just wondering if other people had similar stories. Feel free to share your experiences, problems, and solutions that you have found. I'd love to hear about them.
 
Fairy Fountain

Fairy Fountain

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Dec 21, 2020
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364
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Moominvalley
I'm sorry about that. This is one of the reasons why I have trouble getting to know people. I have anxiety, so just thinking about meeting people worries me. But if they find out about all the problems I deal with, they wouldn't want anything to do with me. I heard so many stories of people even sharing their life with close friends, and their friends abandon them. It's awful!

The only person who understands me is my mom, and I'm very happy about that.
 
VanillaChai

VanillaChai

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Dec 22, 2020
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Earth
Hello BipolarGossamer,

I have also had this issue of oversharing with people. For me, I felt like not telling people everything right away made me dishonest.
I have found that small talk, however much I may hate it at times, has been a good middle ground to start with until I get to know someone better. I try to talk about likes and dislikes, hobbies, their opinions on certain topics. (I do not like topics that are too heated; such as religion or politics)
It's been difficult, but I've gotten better.
Good luck with everything.
 
B

BipolarGossamer

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Chicago, Illinois
I'm sorry about that. This is one of the reasons why I have trouble getting to know people. I have anxiety, so just thinking about meeting people worries me. But if they find out about all the problems I deal with, they wouldn't want anything to do with me. I heard so many stories of people even sharing their life with close friends, and their friends abandon them. It's awful!

The only person who understands me is my mom, and I'm very happy about that.
Yeah... I always tended to tell people about my issues. I don't know if it's necessarily that or just my personality that they end up drifting away from me though.

I'm glad that your mom understands you! It's important to have someone close to you understand.
 
B

BipolarGossamer

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Chicago, Illinois
Hello BipolarGossamer,

I have also had this issue of oversharing with people. For me, I felt like not telling people everything right away made me dishonest.
I have found that small talk, however much I may hate it at times, has been a good middle ground to start with until I get to know someone better. I try to talk about likes and dislikes, hobbies, their opinions on certain topics. (I do not like topics that are too heated; such as religion or politics)
It's been difficult, but I've gotten better.
Good luck with everything.
I agree with the small talk thing. I find it kind of "meh" to ask about specific things like that, because with time you'd learn all those things... assuming you're friends with them that long. But yeah, I suppose it's a good thing to talk about those things.

Side story: After my ex broke up with me (because after he went away to school for the semester, he realized being apart from a gf for so long wouldn't work out), I realized that I barely knew anything about him. He was generally a quiet guy, and so I would fill the space with mindless chatter and my own experiences and stories.

I feel like a BIG problem I have is knowing what questions to ask other people when they don't open up and talk about things on their own. What do you usually do?
 
VanillaChai

VanillaChai

Active member
Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
27
Location
Earth
I agree with the small talk thing. I find it kind of "meh" to ask about specific things like that, because with time you'd learn all those things... assuming you're friends with them that long. But yeah, I suppose it's a good thing to talk about those things.

Side story: After my ex broke up with me (because after he went away to school for the semester, he realized being apart from a gf for so long wouldn't work out), I realized that I barely knew anything about him. He was generally a quiet guy, and so I would fill the space with mindless chatter and my own experiences and stories.

I feel like a BIG problem I have is knowing what questions to ask other people when they don't open up and talk about things on their own. What do you usually do?
I guess I just go with the flow. If we start talking about interests then I'll just ask them questions about theirs. If I meet someone and they say they have pets I ask loads of questions about them; names, age, where they got their pets. Then if they take out photos that's even better!
 

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