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Feeling like what’s the point in resisting

Optrex

Optrex

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Uk
So I want to start off with something good!! As of now I am 177 days SH free!! It’s been a tough ride but I think I am in a much better place,

However lately I feel, fuck I don’t even know what.. lost, empty, lonely I feel the old stupid depression creeping back in and I don’t know what to do about it... more or less all of those 177 days I thought of SH, which thought would go away the longer I was 'clean' and lately its getting really really strong, replacements of SH are not working any moor... IDK maybe I am kidding myself and not doing as good as I think.

As the title says right now I just think what’s the point in resisting that I should just fucking do it and maybe get some release, it’s not like I am hurting anyone else, only me right?...... this is all so very frustrating... I hate it and I hate that I am saying that... 😔
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,625
Location
England
I only SH once and that was 8 years ago? roughly. I have thought about it often since then, especially when bored or feeling flat. I tend to reach for cider and music. I used to lay down by my cat and stroke her, almost lay on her :)

What were your other coping strategies?

I also get dressed and walk out the door until i am tired.
 
Mal84

Mal84

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Joined
Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,475
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
I understand the feeling, I gave the exact same feelings and it’s hard to keep on fighting them.

I find that the replacements get boring easily so I try to do things in a different order so for example, I might one day spend a hour on my phone, a few minutes jogging (I can’t so that at all lol) then watch a tv program but I won’t do it in that order all the time, I would need to change the order or even drop something for a few days so I don’t do the same things all the time.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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England
Getting through a day without doing things that are unwise, is hard. If every day is difficult, it can wear you down. I hope you get some days where you can relax and be less on guard.
 
Optrex

Optrex

Member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Uk
Yea i watch films, wright, stick my self in vr and in the past i painted, got a bike recentley as well so yea just try and distract tbh... allso drawing big red marks on my self when real bad still works well... wish things where 'normal' in the world right now to make doing diffreant things easy

Idk tho just all seems pointless if i can not stop thinking of SH. its so distracting and exhausting.......
 
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