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Feeling like the worst mum in the world

manicmonday

manicmonday

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Yesterday my seven year old told me I'm lazy and greedy. I told her not to say that because it hurts my feelings but the truth is she is right. I am lazy about the housework and I'm obese because I eat too much.

Add on top of that feeling crap because she watches too much tv and spends the rest of the time playing video games, and I feel like the worst mum ever.

I have bipolar and am currently in the depression stage, and my antipsychotics make me dopey and sap me of motivation so I'm not the lively fun mummy I used to be. I just feel so crap right now, like I'm letting her down.
 
Z

Zaz2020

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I think you feeling bad about your daughter, as though you're letting her down, if nothing else shows that you care about and love her.
For me that's a sign of a good parent not a bad one. 🙂
 
manicmonday

manicmonday

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I do love her but it just feels like that’s not enough sometimes. She’s so little she needs better parenting than I’m giving her.
 
K

karl7

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I do love her but it just feels like that’s not enough sometimes. She’s so little she needs better parenting than I’m giving her.
iagree with zaz2020 .....you do sound caring.
 
Z

Zaz2020

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Don't be so hard on yourself. Of course it will be difficult to put all your energy into caring for your daughter as you are not well.
Doing your best is all anyone can do.
 
B

bpd2020

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I know as children we are taught 'greedy means you eat too much'. It is a pretty inaccurate thing because people eat for all sorts of reasons. If you turn to food to give you comfort you are not greedy. Mental illness is so tough and we do look for things that bring us some relief. I can understand how hurt you are by your child's words. They do not understand that you are struggling so please be kinder to yourself.

You are not the worst mum ever. You love your child and that says you are a caring mum to me.
 
daffy

daffy

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When your depressed even the smallest of things can be hard but also think of maybe just taking your daughter into the garden and play throwing a ball to each other. You wont need much energy and even the smallest thing I’m sure your daughter would enjoy. Or what about an indoor picnic just put a sandwich and crisps on a blanket and read a book to her. If you can manage it what about a short walk. It may not feel as if your doing much but I’m sure your daughter would love it.
Fresh air is one of the best things for combatting depression. I think if you explain to her mummy’s not feeling too well at the moment. So we can only do little things, but when I’m better well go somewhere special
 
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khuang

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Your daughter is still pretty young and she doesn’t quite understand the whole picture of your situation or that not everything in life can be all happy and beautiful like it is in cartoons. As long as you are still providing the necessities such as food and shelter for her, I’d say that makes you a good parent. As I said before, your daughter is still pretty young and doesn’t understand that some kids are being abused by their own parents and would do anything to have a loving family that doesn’t hit or starve them.
 
manicmonday

manicmonday

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Thanks everyone for your kind words. I think I'm just having one of those months and feeling sorry for myself. Parenting is bloody hard!
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Dear manicmonday,

As a bipolar person I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult parenting must be, you are a strong person for even trying. I am 21 years old, and not even sure I want kids anymore.
Parenting is not about being a perfect person all the time, you show up, you put your best foot forward and doing what you can. At times it will feel that your best isn't good enough but you have to persevere regardless.

If your meds aren't working for you, then get in touch with your psychiatrist and make a switch. Luckily, with modern medicine, you have no shortage of options.

all the best,
-H
 
Cabra

Cabra

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Dear manicmonday,

As a bipolar person I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult parenting must be, you are a strong person for even trying. I am 21 years old, and not even sure I want kids anymore.
Parenting is not about being a perfect person all the time, you show up, you put your best foot forward and doing what you can. At times it will feel that your best isn't good enough but you have to persevere regardless.

If your meds aren't working for you, then get in touch with your psychiatrist and make a switch. Luckily, with modern medicine, you have no shortage of options.

all the best,
-H
Unfortunately, I don't think there are any antipsychotics compatible with parenting. When I was forced antipsychotics it was a stark contrast to my previous parenting and I was ready to give my kids up, I couldn't do anything for them any longer. Fortunately I am off them now.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Unfortunately, I don't think there are any antipsychotics compatible with parenting. When I was forced antipsychotics it was a stark contrast to my previous parenting and I was ready to give my kids up, I couldn't do anything for them any longer. Fortunately I am off them now.
Have you tried Abilify (aripiprazole)? I have to cook and clean and look after my lazy lump of a 50 year old dad and thats pretty much the same thing as parenting. I get by just fine.
 
Cabra

Cabra

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Have you tried Abilify (aripiprazole)? I have to cook and clean and look after my lazy lump of a 50 year old dad and thats pretty much the same thing as parenting. I get by just fine.
I was on abilify 400mg shot, not anymore since changing to a more competent psychiatrist. I have been off all medication for a few months now. It was horrible to go from functional to not functioning. I don't think it can be done with parenting, as motivation, emotional availability, happiness, imagination, bonding, everything dopamine is responsible for is diminished by antipsychotics. I had to move in with my family temporarily, such is the disfunction "treatment" caused.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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I was on abilify 400mg shot, not anymore since changing to a more competent psychiatrist. I have been off all medication for a few months now. It was horrible to go from functional to not functioning. I don't think it can be done with parenting, as motivation, emotional availability, happiness, imagination, bonding, everything dopamine is responsible for is diminished by antipsychotics. I had to move in with my family temporarily, such is the disfunction "treatment" caused.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your experience with treatment. I guess I also experienced, a similar thing with APs in the sense that it did dull my emotions and it did reduce some of my motivation. Personally though, I don't see a way forward without medication. I spent an entire year without treatment and my constant bouts of mania and depression nearly ruined my life. Now that I'm getting help, I feel much better and far more well-rounded.

One thing that particularly helped me with the side effects of the APs was a med called Strattera. It a med I was prescribed for my ADHD, but it also helps counteract the Abilify side effects without triggering mania or psychosis. It works as an Selective Norepinephrine Reuptake inhibitor, i.e. increasing brain noradrenaline levels instead of dopamine so its safer for people with Bipolar. Maybe that's something you can look into. A friend of my mothers also uses Bupropion to counteract APs side effects, which works similarly.
 
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