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Feeling Like I'm Watching Life Through a TV

B

busystudent

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Joined
Jan 19, 2015
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3
Background: I saw a university therapist for a month after having a severe panic attack that led to bouts of anxiety. The panic attack happened during an extremely stressful and busy weekend where I only got 9 hours of sleep over 4 days. But that panic attack was ground 0 for all of the new issues.
After the month of seeing the counselor (I stopped after a month), I was feeling much better, but during the last week of finals, I began this disconnected feeling. For two weeks, it felt like I was floating, and not really present, and then it went away.

But now, I'm present, but I feel like I'm watching my life through a tv. There's just a disconnect where I know it's reality, but I don't feel a part of it. And I have these constant thoughts of life and death (I'm so freaked out by how fragile life can be and how any minute can be our last and what really happens after)

I feel like I'm going crazy or dying. And it's caused problems sleeping and regular anxious thoughts (which I recognize as unreasonable, but cannot stop them anyways).
I just want this to go away and get back to my life.

I just want to know exactly what's wrong with me so I can start taking steps forward to my life before that panic attack.

What can I do?

I'm going back to my counselor this Wednesday, but I just need reassurance now.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
I understand very well what you're describing, I experienced something very similar during my master's. It was like my mind was caught in this cycle of negative thoughts, stress, and catastrophic scenarios.

How's your schedule? Is it full with studying only? Do you have any fun/relaxing activities during the day, in order to un-stress?
 
B

busystudent

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Jan 19, 2015
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3
Unfortunately I'm a full time student and working 20+ hours a week at an internship.
Believe it or not, that's actually a HUGE step down from my schedule last semester.
I'm definitely taking time a few times a week to workout and go out with friends in some way
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Unfortunately i've not worked out how to stop these feelings, but I can completely empathise with what you're experiencing.
It's really tough and i'm sorry you're going through it.

Just try to take deep breaths and remind yourself that you are ok and you are here.
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
1,261
Location
Edinburgh
I can totally relate to the anxiety attacks and the loss of sleep, but the disconnection thing you're describing sounds new to me I'm afraid.
I'm always depressingly present in my body. I often wish I wasn't. :low:

Hope you're therapist can help out and good luck with uni! :hug:
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I had that disconnection with myself many years. I feel it's the subconscious trying to protect from overwhelming pain of traumatic memories with me.

When the mind feels ready it will reconnect you with those feelings. This as well is incredibly overwhelming to experience and takes time to go though as part of the recovery process. You need lots of patience with yourself. Therapy really helps but in my case all this happened without me recieving any help as I did not know at that time what was wrong and felt I was going crazy too. At a certain point in time my mind just felt ready to release those intense emotions whether I wanted it too or not. That is my individual experience though so it may not be the same for you. Take care and huge hugs.
 
J

jimindigo

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Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
198
I had something similar a few years ago. I was on my own,and had no counselor;
but what I did,was write,and write,and write. I can understand you wanting it gone,
but I'm afraid the way out is THROUGH,and not AROUND.Try writing about what you
feel,including self-compassion.And remember,study or not study,YOU COME FIRST!
Here is book you may like:"Self-Compassion",by Kristin Neff; she has website so have
a look.
God Bless,
jimindigo
 
B

busystudent

New member
Joined
Jan 19, 2015
Messages
3
Thank you all so much!

And I'll post what my counselor says once I meet with her!
 
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