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Feeling like I’m stuck like this forever

Faith198

Faith198

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Joined
Mar 30, 2020
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1,157
Location
U.S.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe for reassurance or just a vent. My depression has gotten so much worse in the last few months. What sucks about it is the pain I feel feels exactly like my heart has been broken. Actual chest pain from the sadness. I’m not happy most of the time, I sleep sometimes to avoid the pain.

A lot of the time I don’t wanna wake up because I will face it again. I’m going to increase my meds tomorrow but I’m starting to fear that my depression is maybe treatment resistant. It seems meds take the edge off anxiety but the depression is only stable for a few years.
I’ve been on about 5 meds now. I don’t know if I should count one because I never got to see if it worked.

I had a bad reaction.
I’m losing hope that I will never be myself again. I’m in therapy and try really hard to switch my thinking. I can do it for the anxiety but I can’t for the depression. I’m just stuck like this for life.

I tell myself my life could be worse, I could have a life threatening illness or be homeless. Instead, I am just sad, and I feel like I shouldn’t complain.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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6,402
Location
Canada
Yes there are always ways things could be worse, but here's a good spot to let out any concerns. We're all after wellness here, and we ought to do our best to achieve that, elusive though it can be.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Faith, I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I can hear how much pain you are in. You have been unlucky with antidepressants. That is not unusual as it can be difficult to find one that is suitable. You spent many years blocking out your feelings and being busy with study and work. Maybe now that you are in therapy you are more in touch with what is going on and that is why you feel depressed. I know the journey through therapy is painful and brings everything we feel into the open.

I understand you feel in despair and like you will always feel this way but this therapy could make a huge difference to how you feel.
 
Faith198

Faith198

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2020
Messages
1,157
Location
U.S.
Faith, I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I can hear how much pain you are in. You have been unlucky with antidepressants. That is not unusual as it can be difficult to find one that is suitable. You spent many years blocking out your feelings and being busy with study and work. Maybe now that you are in therapy you are more in touch with what is going on and that is why you feel depressed. I know the journey through therapy is painful and brings everything we feel into the open.

I understand you feel in despair and like you will always feel this way but this therapy could make a huge difference to how you feel.
Yeah it does help to talk to her, I feel her treatment is to be more positive about things. Which does help. At the same time it doesn’t work for me most of the time. I feel really discouraged that I can’t get any relief. When I do get relief it lasts for a few years and the antidepressant stops working. I am willing to go through anything to get rid of it. I wish they would do that shock therapy at this point. I’m sure they will want to try me on more meds once this one fizzles out.

idk it just sucks we have to live like this. I wish they could find more treatments.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
You will not get relief so soon in your journey. It takes time to make sense of all you feel and how you are thinking. Depression is such a horrible and lonely condition. It is frustrating when nothing seems to help. For me an antidepressant takes the edge of my low mood but I do not get any relief. Give yourself time to work through the therapy and see how you feel.
 
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