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Feeling like crying everyday

K

Karou

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Somewhere
I can’t think of something that I truly like about myself, and I came to realize that this low self-esteem that I’ve been carrying through most of my life has turned into something that is hurtful not only for me but for the people around me. Even though, this Hate was only meant for me, I’ve noticed how it has destroyed most of my interpersonal relationships; how it makes me anxious and reluctant to interact with new people, and how insecure and weak I feel because of it.
I‘m happy that I’m able to realize all of these now, but I’m also really scared because i don’t feel strong enough to do something about it.
Although I don’t have the words to explain it, this is the most hopeless and lost I’ve ever felt; the most tired I’ve ever been if that makes any sense.
It’s like constantly feeling like a failure; all of my past is a disappointment, all my decisions were awful, and just thinking about all the years I still have ahead makes me miserable. Thinking about the present is also impossible, the thought of existing is too exhausting and draining. I force myself to do the simpler tasks everyday, but even getting out of bed feels like torture.
And now I always feel like crying. Doing this simple tasks I always feel like crying; when I wash the dishes, when I’m brushing my teeth, dressing up, taking a shower, having breakfast with my family, when I’m about to sleep, when I wake up in the middle of the day, when I see happiness in the eyes of the people I love and my first thought is “ fuck, if something ever happens to you I would kill myself without thinking twice”.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
3,691
Location
England
I think it is really positive you have insight into how your low self esteem is effecting you. It can take a long time for people to realise that. I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. The first step would be to tell your doctor how you are feeling. You are going to need support to get through this. Therapy will help you to understand were the low self esteem comes from and how you can learn to accept yourself. You are very brave to have posted on here. You reached out and that takes courage.
 
Not_here

Not_here

Well-known member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
160
Location
Ingerland
One day you become numb blocking any and all emotion and stop crying
 
Hillman hunter

Hillman hunter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
3,659
Location
West Midlands , England
Cruel people wreck your self esteem,
They think you are easy prey because your anxious,
We have to prove them wrong
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
14,164
Location
UK
Hi Karou, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this too. You sound very alone, as if you're shut off from everyone else in your own world of feeling awful. I do get that, your description feels so familiar to me, from my own similar experiences. Do your family know how you're feeling? And have you sought any professional help, from your GP as first port of call? I'm glad you've reached out here, you're not alone in feeling this way, many of us have. It feels permanent, but things can change, even low self-esteem. With the right help, self acceptance and self compassion is possible. You aren't a failure who has only made awful decisions, you're a person who is suffering. I can understand how looking back on the past it feels like everything has been a disappointment. Feeling depressed and low colours everything ime (in my experience), and makes everything look unrelentingly bleak and negative... past, present and future. Hopefully with time and help you can start to see that everything is not as bleak as it looks right now. Keep reaching out, you're not alone. Take care xx
 
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