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Feeling isolated and anxious around everyone

B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
It is sad that no matter how much time I spent with someone that I never feel like I made a real connection with that person.

I see people hitting it off all around. They just seem to get each other and find a place they belong to.

There were a few friends that I had in school but I never felt like they "get" me or that I belong with them. I feel like my values are either too rare or too fucked up so that barely or almost never there was someone who would understand me. Or was relatable to me.

Even in the psychiatric institution that I went to as a teenager, I felt so different from everyone there.

I usually connected with people by trying to be what they want or needed because why not? No one would like the real me or understand me so there is no problem in trying to "fake" my way into groups or social surroundings.

There were a lot of people who told me that they felt like they have a real connection with me while I felt nothing like that at all to anyone.

I dont know. Maybe it is because I feel anxious around everyone even family or around the person im in love with.
It just sucks when you cant even feel relaxed around the person you love and always need to depend on your anxiety level to be low.
I mean, who wants to be around someone who can barely talk or act normal around other people?

My whole experience with people is just ehxausting and stressing. I suck at everything even at the most basic human skill:socializing.
I guess this is what it feels like to be alone.
I am always disconnected from everyone around me even when that is not supposed to be case.

So whats the point in finding love or friends when it is just going to be like this forever even when I try to change it?
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Like you, I had never found a person I could be myself with. I met my partner when I was 28 and in time I have learned to relax around him. I was never able to relax around my family. It could be you just have not found somebody you connect with. When we are anxious we need a calm and gentle person to be with.
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
Like you, I had never found a person I could be myself with. I met my partner when I was 28 and in time I have learned to relax around him. I was never able to relax around my family. It could be you just have not found somebody you connect with. When we are anxious we need a calm and gentle person to be with.
Yeah my last boyfriend was that kind of person. I would really need patient and a gentle person so that I dont feel anxious all the time. There were a lot of moments where I felt more secure and safe though with him.
People really need a lot of patience when it comes to interactions with me. I need a bit more time to feel comfortable with others
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
I think it is so positive you felt comfortable with your ex boyfriend. It shows it is possible for you to feel comfortable. It is just a case of finding the right person. It is okay to take time to get to know somebody so you feel comfortable.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,780
Location
Canada
you dont suck at socializing. you just suck at doing it the way you think you should be doing it. and you lack the confidence to do it the way you want to.

dont let the outside tell you how to be you. listen to the inside and start honoring it. thats god in there talking to you.
 
P

pokerfish12

Active member
Joined
Dec 19, 2020
Messages
29
Location
United Kingdom
Some people do hit it off with people quickly and it isn't difficult for them to ease up and be comfortable around others, but if it takes you longer, that's okay. You will find people who you relate to and connect with, people who are patient and understanding and allow you to open up and show your more comfortable side when YOU feel like-that's what good friends, partners, etc should do, and they should also accept you for who you are. You might think it isn't a problem for you to 'fake it' but in order for you to be able to feel comfortable around others, it's important you first feel comfortable and secure in yourself. I hope things get better for you, you deserve love and happiness. <3
 
S

Svyce

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Brighton
It is sad that no matter how much time I spent with someone that I never feel like I made a real connection with that person.

I see people hitting it off all around. They just seem to get each other and find a place they belong to.

There were a few friends that I had in school but I never felt like they "get" me or that I belong with them. I feel like my values are either too rare or too fucked up so that barely or almost never there was someone who would understand me. Or was relatable to me.

Even in the psychiatric institution that I went to as a teenager, I felt so different from everyone there.

I usually connected with people by trying to be what they want or needed because why not? No one would like the real me or understand me so there is no problem in trying to "fake" my way into groups or social surroundings.

There were a lot of people who told me that they felt like they have a real connection with me while I felt nothing like that at all to anyone.

I dont know. Maybe it is because I feel anxious around everyone even family or around the person im in love with.
It just sucks when you cant even feel relaxed around the person you love and always need to depend on your anxiety level to be low.
I mean, who wants to be around someone who can barely talk or act normal around other people?

My whole experience with people is just ehxausting and stressing. I suck at everything even at the most basic human skill:socializing.
I guess this is what it feels like to be alone.
I am always disconnected from everyone around me even when that is not supposed to be case.

So whats the point in finding love or friends when it is just going to be like this forever even when I try to change it?
I'm afraid I have no real words of wisdom as I suffer with similar myself. But if it is any comfort it is just to say that I feel exactly the same a lot of the time and I can get it with very close long term friends or even family too. I feel like they don't know me and I don't know who I am either when I'm with them. I have friends where some days I feel there is no connection and I find it strange that they don't seem to notice it. Sometimes I feel I will never be able to truly connect with someone again or make new friends as I always seem to have to 'fake it'. One thing that does help me is I try to regularly remind myself of my core values, what I like doing, what I believe etc. Sometimes I even write them down like an affirmation. This seems to make me feel more confident to be myself with people because I know who I am.
 

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