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Feeling isolated and anxious around everyone

B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Germany
It is sad that no matter how much time I spent with someone that I never feel like I made a real connection with that person.

I see people hitting it off all around. They just seem to get each other and find a place they belong to.

There were a few friends that I had in school but I never felt like they "get" me or that I belong with them. I feel like my values are either too rare or too fucked up so that barely or almost never there was someone who would understand me. Or was relatable to me.

Even in the psychiatric institution that I went to as a teenager, I felt so different from everyone there.

I usually connected with people by trying to be what they want or needed because why not? No one would like the real me or understand me so there is no problem in trying to "fake" my way into groups or social surroundings.

There were a lot of people who told me that they felt like they have a real connection with me while I felt nothing like that at all to anyone.

I dont know. Maybe it is because I feel anxious around everyone even family or around the person im in love with.
It just sucks when you cant even feel relaxed around the person you love and always need to depend on your anxiety level to be low.
I mean, who wants to be around someone who can barely talk or act normal around other people?

My whole experience with people is just ehxausting and stressing. I suck at everything even at the most basic human skill:socializing.
I guess this is what it feels like to be alone.
I am always disconnected from everyone around me even when that is not supposed to be case.

So whats the point in finding love or friends when it is just going to be like this forever even when I try to change it?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
Like you, I had never found a person I could be myself with. I met my partner when I was 28 and in time I have learned to relax around him. I was never able to relax around my family. It could be you just have not found somebody you connect with. When we are anxious we need a calm and gentle person to be with.
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Germany
Like you, I had never found a person I could be myself with. I met my partner when I was 28 and in time I have learned to relax around him. I was never able to relax around my family. It could be you just have not found somebody you connect with. When we are anxious we need a calm and gentle person to be with.
Yeah my last boyfriend was that kind of person. I would really need patient and a gentle person so that I dont feel anxious all the time. There were a lot of moments where I felt more secure and safe though with him.
People really need a lot of patience when it comes to interactions with me. I need a bit more time to feel comfortable with others
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
I think it is so positive you felt comfortable with your ex boyfriend. It shows it is possible for you to feel comfortable. It is just a case of finding the right person. It is okay to take time to get to know somebody so you feel comfortable.
 
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