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Feeling Invisible

antimatterTek

antimatterTek

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
82
Location
USA
I have recently dropped one of my radio shows (i still have a night) and quit another station with an Irish Goodbye.

I am not getting any responses from a couple of new radio stations I was supposed to be talking about getting a spot on.

I have a radio show I prerecord a mix for too. I have a breakbeat podcast and I am figuring out how to get my video hosted for my video podcast - apparently I cannot host video on my server now.

I produce music, too, but all of it is not very good. I am new to producing.

I don't have any friends, just my family. I am about to head out back to have a firepit with my wife.

I stopped drinking since July 5th.

I don't know - I had these delusions of grandeur about myself and a paranoia in crowded places.

I know that I do not want to be famous, I know I just want to create. But is it really just for me? How long can I go without any encouragement. I am not trying to play out in clubs - I do the occasional wedding/party. I have a wedding coming up on sept 15th.

I guess I should be happy anyone is seeing my shit. When I was in high school I would have loved to have 400 people to look at my art.

Just feeling useless I guess. I am depressed now I think. I have to get blood work done to check the levels of my meds. I went from mania to depression. My wife keeps asking me if I am alright and I say yes because it has only been a week or so and I don't want to alarm her. I will speak to my doc at the next appt.

I don't know if I need a response here, but I just wanted to post about this because I have no other outlet. Complaining about my issues are just not things to talk about. The more I do the more the "imposter syndrome" kicks in.

Peace.
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,774
Hi there,
We see you:hug1: and we are listening too.
Talk away to us, it helps,:hug1:
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Good luck with you goals. I hope you accomplish them. I like to create too. But I know I'll never finish my books. I have to get over the depressive reality of that. I hope you make it. What do you mean by "Imposter Syndrome"? :hug:
 
antimatterTek

antimatterTek

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
82
Location
USA
Good luck with you goals. I hope you accomplish them. I like to create too. But I know I'll never finish my books. I have to get over the depressive reality of that. I hope you make it. What do you mean by "Imposter Syndrome"? :hug:
I try to take everything in baby steps. Just write 100 words a day. You will eventually get something.

Imposter syndrome - you feel like a fraud.

You can check it out here: Impostor syndrome - Wikipedia
 
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