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Feeling insecure because of my bf's ex.

fluffydogs

fluffydogs

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Hi all. This is my first time posting on such a forum.

I've been incredibly depressed for the past week or so and I can't snap out of it. I've been trying but it feels pointless.

The main problem I have is that I've been feeling very insecure about myself because of my boyfriend's ex. It's a very long story but the point is that I know for a fact that he used to be obsessed with her and loved her very much, then they broke up and he sort of replaced her with me. I never got the feeling that he's into me as much as he was into her. I tried to get over it but lately I've just been comparing myself to her over and over and I think I'm getting a bit obsessed. This really isn't the sort of rabbit hole I'd like to fall down into. I'm trying hard to lift myself up but there are so many other things stressing me out: I lost my job due to the corona outbreak and can't find another one, I have to find another place to live and rent is very expensive in the city that I live in etc etc.

Long story short I'm feeling very worthless, ugly, stupid and lonely. Don't know what to do. Does anyone else have experience with having a boyfriend who used to be obsessed with another girl? Can someone relate to this and give me some advice? By the way he's a very good guy and has always treated me with love and respect, it's just that I genuinely think he was way more attracted to her than he is to me. When they broke up he tried really hard to get her back. When I was on the verge of breaking up with him he just sort of accepted it.

I don't hold it against him. You can't choose who you're attracted to. I'm just really sad.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,344
Location
England
Hello fluffydogs. Welcome to the forum. Your boyfriends ex is an ex which means things did not work out. If things were good then they would still be together. We can love more then one person in our lifetime. Please stop comparing yourself. You will constantly find fault and be unhappy. Your boyfriend clearly sees wonderful things in you or he would not be with you.

I am really sorry you lost your job. That is so stressful and to have to move is another stress for you.

I think you have a lot going on in your life and it is overwhelming you. That is understandable. You are not worthless or stupid but you do sound lonely. I am glad you found us. You will find support on here.
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
340
Location
San Diego
Sounds like you have a decent boyfriend. Those aren't easy to come by. You shouldn't let past relationships dicate your current one.
 
fluffydogs

fluffydogs

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Hello fluffydogs. Welcome to the forum. Your boyfriends ex is an ex which means things did not work out. If things were good then they would still be together. We can love more then one person in our lifetime. Please stop comparing yourself. You will constantly find fault and be unhappy. Your boyfriend clearly sees wonderful things in you or he would not be with you.

I am really sorry you lost your job. That is so stressful and to have to move is another stress for you.

I think you have a lot going on in your life and it is overwhelming you. That is understandable. You are not worthless or stupid but you do sound lonely. I am glad you found us. You will find support on here.
Thank you! I teared up just reading your reply. I keep telling myself that, that he finds wonderful things in me as well, but it's hard to believe that when you're going through a rough time and hating yourself. I'm glad I joined this website and will try to contribute more when I'm feeling better, 'cause right now I can barely function. Thank you again.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,344
Location
England
When we have low self worth it can be really hard to accept we can be loved. I am sorry you are feeling you cannot function. Please be kind to yourself. We are here whenever you feel like posting again.
 
fluffydogs

fluffydogs

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Sounds like you have a decent boyfriend. Those aren't easy to come by. You shouldn't let past relationships dicate your current one.
Thank you. I'm trying hard to keep that in mind. :(
 
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