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Feeling hopeless

Riah3

Riah3

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
62
Location
Tampa FL
Hey guys, I’m just going to jump into this. My favorite person, my boyfriend and I have been having issues, a lot of them. I suffer from anxiety, depression and bpd this is so embarrassing to say but there are days where it’s so hard for me to find the energy to brush my teeth, comb my hair, clean up after myself cook etc. it just seems like every day tasks are soo difficult I pretty much go to work which takes everything from me to actually go and by the time I’m done working I’m soo mentally exhausted that I feel physically tired. After work I would like time to myself to recoup or to take a nap my job is very stressful. My boyfriend told me to grow up and do the things that I have to do. I wasn’t offended by it because he said th both of us should do more. Anyways, with all of these every day tasks being a lot for me I’ve been really trying to change but it seems impossible. I guess my efforts are so small that they go unnoticed but it’s a lot for me. My boyfriend is to a point where if I cry he just leaves or if I tell him I’m really anxious he just stares at me. Literally ignoring me which is the worst feeling in the world. He said he doesn’t know how to handle me. He is showing each day that he cares less and less and that he’s closing me out and pushing me away. I don’t get comfort from him bc I feel I used all of his comfort up needing it a lot more then your average girl. But at this point he’s avoiding me and ignoring my feelings. I told him I needed to talk and he put headphones in. He NEVER wants to talk anymore because the talks are always the same he says. I just need support and comfort and to feel like I’m in a real relationship it’s almost like he’s a ghost who died in the house and can’t leave like that American horror story season. Anyways I just feel so lost and hopeless very sad and like I don’t know what to do. Who would want to be with someone that can’t take care of themselves and I don’t want to have sex as much and when I do I’m so distracted that I pretty much lay there as my mind drifts away. I feel like I sound like the worse girlfriend I don’t have the energy to cook for him, we hardly have sex and we’re 21 and 24 and I can’t keep up with myself or his needs so I get it. I understand why he’s so dry with me and tired of me but why doesn’t he understand that I’m severely depressed and that I have anxiety. The bpd is another thing I feel he can’t handle and he has told me before it’s too much. I just wish he could look back to our life from 2 years ago when I was much better. The anxiety and depression have really taken a toll on me and my relationship. I don’t want to lose him after 6 years but I feel hopeless. Sighs. Any response will be appreciated. Thank you.
 
E

Empty_void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
49
Location
uk
Do you still love him?
More importantly does he still love you?
There is no excuse for ignoring somebody and leaving them to cry alone. Weather or not it's seemingly the same things. He doesn't sound caring. Maybe he used to be but not anymore. Would you be better off alone? Could you confront h on your feelings? I know you're scared to lose him but what is best for you?
I'm happy to chat if you want to message me.
Keep on being strong Riah.
 
U

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
127
Location
uk
I dont think he is helping you feel better. If you are depressed, which sounds very much like you are, you do need support or someone who understands. I don't know how long you have felt like this? But I would imagine your situation with your boyfriend is adding to your depression and anxiety. Something has to change for you to feel supported or feel improvement in your depression. Think what that would be.. seeing a doctor, therapist, or being on your own for a while?
 
Riah3

Riah3

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
62
Location
Tampa FL
Do you still love him?
More importantly does he still love you?
There is no excuse for ignoring somebody and leaving them to cry alone. Weather or not it's seemingly the same things. He doesn't sound caring. Maybe he used to be but not anymore. Would you be better off alone? Could you confront h on your feelings? I know you're scared to lose him but what is best for you?
I'm happy to chat if you want to message me.
Keep on being strong Riah.
You’re right, there isn’t an excuse and I’ve been making excuses for him :( we both still love each other I just don’t believe he loves me no matter how much he says it there’s a part of me that questions it and constantly needs to hear it. And thanks I’ll message you if I need to. I started studying attachment styles and so far it’s really helping us.
 
M

MuminAcrisis

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
16
Location
Staffordshire
Hi there, nice to meet you and i am sorry you are feeling low, it is really hard when you feel that way and feel lonely with it. Some people are simply not able to support sensitive people like you that feel emotion so intensely, like pain, but you mustn't feel this is just your fault, he is maybe not strong enough emotionally himself to be able to support you. He clearly does love you and finds you attractive so you are doing something right, but maybe try one last thing before deciding he is simply not up to the demands of a relationship, and i mean any relationship not just with you, all relationships will have times when you need to really step up and support a partner in a crisis whether a work thing, illness or grief so maybe better to know this now rather than later. When you are not feeling emotionally vulnerable or down tell him what you do need at those times, say, 'When i am feeling like that just grab my coat and take me walking or run me a bath, or hold my hands and tell me it's ok to feel low.' whatever it is you need at those times tell him or show him. He needs to know and be shown what you need, make it simple explain you understand it seems strange but small things he can do can make a significant difference to your mood recovery at the time when you wont be ale to articulate it. It sounds like he is just not sure what to do, so tell him when you are well, so he is better prepared when you are feeling low and has some tools to help. x
 
DontWannaBeMe

DontWannaBeMe

Member
Joined
Jul 18, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Spain
Hey guys, I’m just going to jump into this. My favorite person, my boyfriend and I have been having issues, a lot of them. I suffer from anxiety, depression and bpd this is so embarrassing to say but there are days where it’s so hard for me to find the energy to brush my teeth, comb my hair, clean up after myself cook etc. it just seems like every day tasks are soo difficult I pretty much go to work which takes everything from me to actually go and by the time I’m done working I’m soo mentally exhausted that I feel physically tired. After work I would like time to myself to recoup or to take a nap my job is very stressful. My boyfriend told me to grow up and do the things that I have to do. I wasn’t offended by it because he said th both of us should do more. Anyways, with all of these every day tasks being a lot for me I’ve been really trying to change but it seems impossible. I guess my efforts are so small that they go unnoticed but it’s a lot for me. My boyfriend is to a point where if I cry he just leaves or if I tell him I’m really anxious he just stares at me. Literally ignoring me which is the worst feeling in the world. He said he doesn’t know how to handle me. He is showing each day that he cares less and less and that he’s closing me out and pushing me away. I don’t get comfort from him bc I feel I used all of his comfort up needing it a lot more then your average girl. But at this point he’s avoiding me and ignoring my feelings. I told him I needed to talk and he put headphones in. He NEVER wants to talk anymore because the talks are always the same he says. I just need support and comfort and to feel like I’m in a real relationship it’s almost like he’s a ghost who died in the house and can’t leave like that American horror story season. Anyways I just feel so lost and hopeless very sad and like I don’t know what to do. Who would want to be with someone that can’t take care of themselves and I don’t want to have sex as much and when I do I’m so distracted that I pretty much lay there as my mind drifts away. I feel like I sound like the worse girlfriend I don’t have the energy to cook for him, we hardly have sex and we’re 21 and 24 and I can’t keep up with myself or his needs so I get it. I understand why he’s so dry with me and tired of me but why doesn’t he understand that I’m severely depressed and that I have anxiety. The bpd is another thing I feel he can’t handle and he has told me before it’s too much. I just wish he could look back to our life from 2 years ago when I was much better. The anxiety and depression have really taken a toll on me and my relationship. I don’t want to lose him after 6 years but I feel hopeless. Sighs. Any response will be appreciated. Thank you.





I understand you so much... Im going through something similar but worse... Its so hard to fight your own demons when the person you love & expect to care & support you behaves like that...
 
Riah3

Riah3

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
62
Location
Tampa FL
Hi there, nice to meet you and i am sorry you are feeling low, it is really hard when you feel that way and feel lonely with it. Some people are simply not able to support sensitive people like you that feel emotion so intensely, like pain, but you mustn't feel this is just your fault, he is maybe not strong enough emotionally himself to be able to support you. He clearly does love you and finds you attractive so you are doing something right, but maybe try one last thing before deciding he is simply not up to the demands of a relationship, and i mean any relationship not just with you, all relationships will have times when you need to really step up and support a partner in a crisis whether a work thing, illness or grief so maybe better to know this now rather than later. When you are not feeling emotionally vulnerable or down tell him what you do need at those times, say, 'When i am feeling like that just grab my coat and take me walking or run me a bath, or hold my hands and tell me it's ok to feel low.' whatever it is you need at those times tell him or show him. He needs to know and be shown what you need, make it simple explain you understand it seems strange but small things he can do can make a significant difference to your mood recovery at the time when you wont be ale to articulate it. It sounds like he is just not sure what to do, so tell him when you are well, so he is better prepared when you are feeling low and has some tools to help. x
Thank you, this is very helpful a appreciate your response. I don’t know if you’ve heard of attachment styles but we have been learning about them and it’s very helpful so far it’s working.
 
Riah3

Riah3

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
62
Location
Tampa FL
I understand you so much... Im going through something similar but worse... Its so hard to fight your own demons when the person you love & expect to care & support you behaves like that...
I hope things get better for you. And thanks for your response
 
M

MuminAcrisis

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Messages
16
Location
Staffordshire
Thank you, this is very helpful a appreciate your response. I don’t know if you’ve heard of attachment styles but we have been learning about them and it’s very helpful so far it’s working.
Great, reading about it gives you more understanding and control so thanks for the tip I will certainly read up on that, thanks. x
 
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