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Feeling funky

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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,554
Location
USA
Thinking too deeply about feelings for bf again and analyzing them. I have to stop that. I just wanna live my life and be brave enough to just let what needs to happen happen. It’s hard for me to do. I want to make us fit. But we’re so different. My love for him is still real right? I’m not just like forcing it? I don’t think I am. I need more confidence. I need to know ME. I’m traveling with friends this weekend and “with friends Rose” is not “with bf Rose”. Different girl. What if friend Rose is better or more real? Scary thought.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,189
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
you are both different?
opposites can attract x
I think you are overanalysing
are you happy when you think of him? do you love him? it sounds like you are when you talk about him
just try and enjoy it xxx
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,554
Location
USA
Aw thanks. I do love him and I am happy when I’m with him. We just had a semi rocky start (not bad just awkward lol) that kicked my OCD in really hard. The feelings I had scared me so much that I still have them sometimes and I also have some guilt from all of that. It is so weird because the thoughts and mindset I had were terrifying and awful. But bf himself is really great even if he does sometimes get on my nerves 🙈 hee hee. It’s hard to realize though that it’s my ANXIETY around the relationship that came from intrusive thoughts and stuff that scared me and not our actual relationship. Like it sounds so sketchy to explain too it’s like I know it’s all backwards and dumb so I can’t talk to anyone about it except you guys and my therapist. Cause otherwise it sounds like I’m scared OF bf. And like NO. I’m scared of intrusive thoughts telling me I am. So it’s like the opposite. It’s uncool to have a brain that works this way haha. I still like my brain and myself it just is a challenge sometimes.
 
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