Feeling empty

[george81]

Hello everyone. Does anyone experience feelings of emptiness? Quite often I feel nothing. I am quiet and have nothing to say, I feel like I am nothing, there's no feelings there. I get restless and don;t know what to do with myself. I will most likely SH just to feel something. I feel like I don;t exist, it's so hard to explain. Sometimes I get an sense of dread and a horrible feeling like a heavy blanket has been put over me and I SH to escape that feeling too. In fact, it takes very little for me to SH! I seem to not be able to bare many feelings. I feel like a prat x

 

[bpd2020]

George, you are not a prat nor are you silly or attention seeking. You are in a lot of pain. I remember you said you may have bpd. That will explain feeling empty. It really is important for you to reach out. You are struggling so much and you are hurting yourself when you need kindness. You need to tell your GP what is going on so you can see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and then get the right help for you.

 

[george81]

Thank you BPD2020, I've read a little about BPD and some of the symptoms sounds familiar. I've also read about 'quiet' BPD and this sounds more like me as I am not outwardly angry or vocal and in fact struggle to verbalize my feelings at all. I keep everything bottled up but am struggling to cope and now am greatly restricting my calorie intake, drinking excessively and SHing just as much as ever. I don't even know if I want help because I don;t feel like I deserve it as I have done some deeply shameful things in my time and I can't make it better for the people I have hurt. I know people will accuse me of attention seeking if I go to get help and I know they are suffering worse because of the things I've done so I'm not sure what to do. I'm just grateful to have you guys to talk to, thank you x

 

[bpd2020]

There are 4 types of bpd. It can help to look at each different one. This is the thing, you feel you do not deserve help but you do. You are a person who is in pain. Therefore you need help. You do not have to be 'a good person' or 'perfect'. You just have to be a human in need. I know you dislike yourself and blame yourself for a lot of things but none of that matters in terms of getting help. You seem to have a lot of people in your life who are obsessed with you being attention seeking. They do not need to know if you seek help. You do not need to tell anybody anything you do not feel comfortable with. We have all hurt others because that is what humans do. Therapy can make all the difference to your pain. Harming yourself and starving yourself is only adding to your pain. Therapy will actually make you a person less likely to have harmful behaviour to others too. If that gives you more of an incentive to have it then you could do it for that.

 

[george81]

Thank you bpd2020, I really appreciate your replies. I didn't know there were 4 different kinds of BPD, do you have any further information about these? How are you doing in yourself too, I hope you're ok. I had therapy a few years ago about my depression and SH which was helpful but I'm scared to go again as I'll have to talk about the shit things I've done and how much of a waste of space I am. Please take care of yourself xxx

 

[bpd2020]

Here is a link which may explain more.

The Four Types of Borderline Personality Disorder - OPI Residential Treatment Center for Young Adults - Private Pay Mental Health Program

What are the four different types of Borderline Personality Disorder? BPD is a mental disorder affecting between 1.6 and 5.9 percent of Americans.

www.optimumperformanceinstitute.com

Please do not let that put you off therapy. Your therapist is not there to judge you. What about people who have committed horrific crimes? They have therapy. It is hard to go through but it is going to help you so much. You need to learn more healthy coping methods.

 

[Keesha]

I feel like this a lot. The feeling left for a while but is back. The hardest part with my issues is that they are so bizarre that when I share them it comes across as BS. How can I be truthful with my counsellor if I can’t even explain what’s happened.

Therapy now is much easier than it was before since it’s phone therapy or done through Skype or equivalent. Most find it easier. I sure do. I think guilt and shame are common traits for many with mental health disorders. Talking about it with others is helpful.

 

[Rex Smith]

You're not alone. Many experience the emptiness including myself. There is no cure other than ignoring it. But the elephant is still in the room.

Physical pain is a feeling anyone with active pain receptors can achieve, no matter how empty you are. The short and quick spikes of intense feelings does feel awesome. You're flooding yourself with larges amounts of endorphins from the pain response.

About the deeply shameful things and hurt to others. That's just people being people and I wouldn't lose sleep over that. If it's something that you can't overcome then talk about it.

If you want to unload your secrets I'd suggest getting a therapists, they're great sponges for that. If you tell them you want to harm yourself or others then you're screwed. Also crimes that you haven't been convicted on I'd keep to yourself. If you want to talk about illegal things go to confession at a catholic church. It's confidential and the church will strip the priest of title and position for breaking secrecy. As a precaution just don't return to that location.

Attention seekers, is that even used by adults for adults? Only heard that phrase for children which I think is stupid to say anyway. It's natural to want attention unless you're incognito.

Losing control is something that's going to happen.

 

[Zaz2020]

I feel like this a lot. The feeling left for a while but is back. The hardest part with my issues is that they are so bizarre that when I share them it comes across as BS. How can I be truthful with my counsellor if I can’t even explain what’s happened.

Therapy now is much easier than it was before since it’s phone therapy or done through Skype or equivalent. Most find it easier. I sure do. I think guilt and shame are common traits for many with mental health disorders. Talking about it with others is helpful.

I really miss those face to face human contact sessions. I miss the intimacy and opportunity to open up about my feelings in person.

 

[Keesha]

I really miss those face to face human contact sessions. I miss the intimacy and opportunity to open up about my feelings in person.

That’s a normal response. I’m terrified of people & intimacy. Even becoming friends with someone is terrifying but I’m incredibly abnormal apparently.

 

[Zaz2020]

That’s a normal response. I’m terrified of people & intimacy. Even becoming friends with someone is terrifying but I’m incredibly abnormal apparently.

We are all different and have our own ways of being. I don't think there's such a thing as normal and if there is who wants to be normal anyway

 

[george81]

Thank you for the information you provided in your link it was very interesting. Today I've had constant thoughts about SH and tonight I can;t stop myself doing it. The horrible feeling inside is unbearable and I have no idea where it's come from or what it is. Nothing seems to be getting rid of it. x

 

[bpd2020]

Thank you for the information you provided in your link it was very interesting. Today I've had constant thoughts about SH and tonight I can;t stop myself doing it. The horrible feeling inside is unbearable and I have no idea where it's come from or what it is. Nothing seems to be getting rid of it. x

Now you have more information have you decided to get support? Nothing will change until you do. You say nothing seems to get rid of the horrible feeling. That is because you are challenging it by punishing yourself. Punishment will never result in anything positive.

 

[george81]

Thank you again bpd2020 for your help and information. I need to get in contact with the doctor tomorrow about ordering a new prescription but it seems to make things harder with all this covid stuff and not actually being able to have a 'proper' appointment face to face, I feel it makes it harder to open up having a 3 minute phone call about how I'm doing on my medication. Today I looked at information about 'Favourite People' and found it very interesting, it seemed to match up with the almost obsessive behaviour I have but only in terms of a romantic relationship. This is where I find most of my weird behaviour comes out. I know I've acted strangely and clingy to the men I've been 'attached' too and I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I thank you again for your kindness x

 

[bpd2020]

Thank you again bpd2020 for your help and information. I need to get in contact with the doctor tomorrow about ordering a new prescription but it seems to make things harder with all this covid stuff and not actually being able to have a 'proper' appointment face to face, I feel it makes it harder to open up having a 3 minute phone call about how I'm doing on my medication. Today I looked at information about 'Favourite People' and found it very interesting, it seemed to match up with the almost obsessive behaviour I have but only in terms of a romantic relationship. This is where I find most of my weird behaviour comes out. I know I've acted strangely and clingy to the men I've been 'attached' too and I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I thank you again for your kindness x

I can understand it can be harder to open up on the phone. If you wait for a face to face appointment then you may be waiting for a very long time. I know it is really hard but you really do need to tell your doctor what is going on. Maybe writing down what you need to say will help. You could even say 'I need to talk to you about my mental health' and then they will be willing to listen. You have struggled for many years and I think deep down you do want help because you joined this forum. I will always listen and help you but it is vital you get professional help too.