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feeling desperate

H

happyhappy

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Apr 27, 2008
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820
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uk
I am feeling really really bad. Husband tells me they can't live with me the way I am any more. He phones my crises team who speak to me and I tell them it is only a matter of time before I top myself.Not if, but when. they contac my shrink wh ophoens me and eteels me to take more quetiapione and restart on my lamictal that I have a possible reaction to. I sasy I will take them but I still want to top my self tonight when hubby is home ofrom work. He tells me again to take meds and lie down.
I can't stand it any longer. I am sick of it all. I really really can't go on. i thought he would bput me in hospital to protect me from myself but no. I feel a hundred times worse than I did when |i went into hospital last time.
crises team are phoning me about 7 but what is the point? they will tell me to have a bath or something stupid. The world is closing in on me and I only see one way to go. I dont know what else to do. I have tried the samaritans but I don't want to talk. I want to put an end to this pain or someone to protect me until this feeling passes. I have tried to take the help but them meds are doing nothing for me and that is the only solution I have been given. I only have one way out of this pain and no one can help or will help or know how to help .I dont even know what will help. I thought hospital but he obviously doesn't want to.
My family would be better off without me as I am not interacting with them anyway. It is only a matter of time before my hubby leaves with them anyway.
I know I have a responsibility to my family but I can't anage the responsibility any more. I am failing everyone around me. I can't do the things a parent id meant to do. It really ant truelly is the bleakest I have felt ever I think. My children are the people who I should want to stay here for but they are the very people I want to leave because if. I can't stanf being an inadequate parent any longer.
I don't believe it is gojng to get any better. I am failing in all my roles. Mother wife daughter friend employee.


Happyhappy
 
M

mad as a hatter

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Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
i,s sorry things r so bad for u at the mo i know how u r feelin but i think ur oh has 2 demand some help for u these doctors sem 2 think medication is the answer 2 it all but it,s not especially when ur in so much despair as u r at the mo i don,t know what else 2 say mk things better but take care and be safe
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

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Jan 22, 2008
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672
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Looking down from the bridge
i dont know how long these feelings will last for you, but they WILL pass.
i know thats not much to you right now.
it is nice to get away from everything for a rest though?
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Go to A&E and ask to see the on duty psychiatrist. They should see you and it will put you in a place of safety for a while.
 
sweet insanity

sweet insanity

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May 14, 2008
Messages
22
Location
Denmark
I´m so sorry for u....how are you feeling today?
I agree with Dollit u should seek the hospital your self and check yourself in...
I can read it out of your post that this is what u really want...I don´t blame u...take a break somewhere safe...I live in Denmark so I don´t know the rules in the UK about how to get checked into the hospital...But I really think it´s the best u can do right now :hug:
 
H

happyhappy

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Joined
Apr 27, 2008
Messages
820
Location
uk
since posting this, I was admitted on Fri. crises team came to see me and I tiold them I was killing myself that night if they didn't help me. Then they saw duty doc and came back. They said i had to be admitted Had a horrid weekend. Not really been taking care of myself. Sleeping in clothes and not changing etc. Shrink took one look at me today and said I ewasn't getting home yet. But I am allowed to go out with my huby so that is how I am here now. It's quite some thing when a nurse has to say to you that it maight be an idea to shower and change before hubs comes. I know it is all part of depression but i have never been as bad as that before. I would go a day with out showering maybe 2 but never5. Gotr to go back in a little whi;e.
Thank you for your support.
happyhappy
 
KP1

KP1

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Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Happy Happy
I am glad you are getting the help you so badly wanted and needed. Enjoy your few hours with hubby.Thanks for up datting us on the forum we are all thinking of you.
Take care. KP:flowers:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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May 27, 2008
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Yorkshire
Yes - thinking of you with my fingers crossed. Take care and make the most of the help that is available. xx, :hug:
 
rollinat

rollinat

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Apr 24, 2008
Messages
1,816
Good to hear from you HappyHappy - glad to hear you are getting the help you need. Take care

:hug:
Rollinat xx
 
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