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Feeling depressed due to turning 30 and having always been single and a virgin

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Lundi_Hvalursson

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
50
Location
San Francisco, USA
Hi everyone.

I am a 29 year old male from San Francisco, California, USA who has never been able to have a girlfriend and am still a virgin despite not wanting to be. I turn 30 in October. Since today is the first day of September, I am naturally quite concerned that I will be turning 30 next month being in this state.

I have always been a shy, introverted, anxious and awkward person. Perhaps I spent too much time studying, focussing my entire life up until my mid-20s on studying. I studied two degrees in university, mathematics and pre-med molecular biology, thus having twice the courseload of a regular student. I neglected my entire social life, and had no dating life to speak of. I spent basically the whole day trying to stay afloat with my studies. My only other serious hobbies were and are introverted activities, such as competitive chess and foreign languages.

When I was around 25 I felt very lonely and sad that I still had never had a girlfriend and was still a virgin. I felt pain knowing that to be a virgin this old as a male is very taboo and looked down upon. I joined meetup groups, met some interesting people, and went on a few dates, but it seemed that women just did not like me.

So here I am at age 29 and 11 months old, still without a girlfriend and still a virgin. I feel very depressed and enormous shame for how I am. I feel depressed as well for feeling missing out on love and sex like most males my age.

But what really pains me is seeing and hearing comments from women that someone in my situation must be very weird to have always been single and a virgin. Especially since I am not religious, so I am not practising abstinence at all. I just simply ended up this way.

I would like if any female members here have any opinion of this. I have lived most of my life in USA and went to uni in Britain. But my general impression was that both American and British women would find me totally undateable, unattractive and a weird freak due to being single and a virgin at almost 30. I hope my fears are not true though.

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.
 
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sallimae76

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Jun 18, 2019
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478
Location
USA
Real women love a shy man.
 
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goodgollymiss

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Apr 6, 2017
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439
Well maybe you could meet someone at a bible study. It's too bad that there arent math meetups or parties
 
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goodgollymiss

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Apr 6, 2017
Messages
439
Do you like scientific journals. There are some free online with science direct
 
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goodgollymiss

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Apr 6, 2017
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439
Which foreign languages did you try to learn? I had to drop out of Persian class
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

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Aug 17, 2018
Messages
680
Location
India
@Lundi_Hvalursson I'm a 30-year-old virgin if that makes you feel better. At least you know you're not alone.

Do you also have a mental illness? If so, maybe people like us weren't meant to have a girlfriend or children. If you don't have a mental illness, just focus on your career and make enough money to attract a hot girl.
 
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Lundi_Hvalursson

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Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
50
Location
San Francisco, USA
An irreligious person attending a bible study would just make them look even more desperate.
 
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Lundi_Hvalursson

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Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
50
Location
San Francisco, USA
@Lundi_Hvalursson I'm a 30-year-old virgin if that makes you feel better. At least you know you're not alone.

Do you also have a mental illness? If so, maybe people like us weren't meant to have a girlfriend or children. If you don't have a mental illness, just focus on your career and make enough money to attract a hot girl.
I have social anxiety, generalised anxiety, OCD and depression (but only when things are bad). I very likely have mild Asperger's.

I do not believe that some men are not meant to have girlfriends. I am not someone who gives up. I am sure that there is a path to accomplishing what one wants. It is just that the path is unclear to me, as of right now.
 
toutatis

toutatis

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Jun 24, 2018
Messages
472
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Auckland, NZ
@Lundi_Hvalursson

It's just a suggestion but perhaps going to a lady of the night might help to break the virgin stigma within you? It could help to take some of the weight off of your shoulders as well, and get the ball rolling with the ladies more. Just a suggestion.

Personally I think there's nothing wrong with being a virgin but obviously you would rather not be one, so, okay.
 
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Lundi_Hvalursson

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Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
50
Location
San Francisco, USA
Both friends and family have joked to me about this, that they would pay me to fly to Amsterdam and go to the Red Light District and get it over with.

I really would not wish to do this, because of self-esteem issues. To have to resort to that for what most men do for free is soul-crushing in terms of self-esteem.
 
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Malfoy 13

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Joined
Feb 26, 2018
Messages
97
I'm a 34 and im a virgin so your not alone.
 
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hicks

hicks

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May 14, 2019
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Location
A galaxy, far far away..
Being introverted and socially anxious is always going to be a huge inhibitor to meeting people and making friends. I think you will find that this situation is common among ASD people. You are certainly not alone.

I think it's pretty bad form that your 'friends' and family have joked about it in this way. Instead of suggesting a trip to Amsterdam, which I would also find quite humiliating, maybe they could try to introduce you to someone for a date?

But these days there are many more ways to meet up with the opposite sex. Much more so than when I was younger. Have you tried dating apps? Many people have met partners this way.
 
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barmcake

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Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
132
It's just that initial 'getting on the horse' that's the scary bit. Maybe a sex therapist for the initial first time.
If a man is still a virgin, it does not mean there's anything wrong with him which will prevent him from having sex with women forever after. You might end up being a stud muffin or finding it all a bit of a disappointment. Find a way to just do it. Good luck.
 
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