Feeling defeated, boyfriend does not want to seek help...what can I do?

[Joy]

Hey guys,

I believe my boyfriend is bipolar but does not was to seek help.

He is consistently feeling anxiety and stressed and is over drinking to feel better. He also appears to have delusions of people sabotaging his life. When he’s really upset he tends to try to contact my family or friends so that they can “confirm” the truth. This of course has my whole family freaked out.

I want him to seek help but of course I don’t want to force him or do something against his will. Can you suggest anything that maybe you’ve done to convince others to seek help or how did you seek help for yourself or what did someone do for you to convince you to seek help....

thank you in advance for your help!

 

[soul searching]

I have the same problem with my son. he has PTSD with depression but doesn't want help. I keep bringing it up, off and on, hoping he'll change his mind.

 

[Joy]

Thank for your reply.

this is so hard...I feel like I’m watching someone destroy themselves and I can’t do nothing about it. I’ve tried so many times to talk to him when he’s having a great day. But the answer is always no.

I’ve tried having a person that was suffering through delusions and anxiety talk to my boyfriend so he could “relate” but my boyfriend refused (and I haven’t really tried again) But he did consider hearing the person. Maybe its something you can try...

 

[NewStarter]

The people you are closest to are the most difficult to have that talk with. It can feel like a burden and can also be confirmed as a burden later on down the line. If my thoughts are shared, i can regret this burden on my family.
Years ago I told my dad what was wrong, this was a huge mistake because he told other family members who he thought could 'relate',
But the fact you are looking after your boyfriend makes a huge difference to him.

 

[Wishbone]

If he won't sit down and talk to you properly maybe you could try writing him a short letter expressing your concern for him and your desire for him to seek help? (but don't mention and labels like 'Bipolar' or whatever, just keep it about how you want to help him, how you want to talk to him, and how he's been acting etc). Us fellas can be difficult to get talking at the best of times, so times that by ten when it's something so personal, and by another ten if delusions or psychosis are involved.

Maybe if he finds and reads your letter when he's home and you're not around it might make him take things in and really think about it, deeply.

He may know or suspect that he has an illness and is scared of what seeking help could mean: a label of being 'crazy'; medications; having to tell people etc. Or he may think he's totally fine and that he doesn't need help.
Hopefully it's the former and not the latter as the former suggests it's more of a pride thing; the latter that he has little or no insight into his illness (a bad sign) and therefore really does need help.

Is there anything else you can think of that he's been doing or saying recently?

 

[Joy]

If he won't sit down and talk to you properly maybe you could try writing him a short letter expressing your concern for him and your desire for him to seek help? (but don't mention and labels like 'Bipolar' or whatever, just keep it about how you want to help him, how you want to talk to him, and how he's been acting etc). Us fellas can be difficult to get talking at the best of times, so times that by ten when it's something so personal, and by another ten if delusions or psychosis are involved.

Maybe if he finds and reads your letter when he's home and you're not around it might make him take things in and really think about it, deeply.

He may know or suspect that he has an illness and is scared of what seeking help could mean: a label of being 'crazy'; medications; having to tell people etc. Or he may think he's totally fine and that he doesn't need help.
Hopefully it's the former and not the latter as the former suggests it's more of a pride thing; the latter that he has little or no insight into his illness (a bad sign) and therefore really does need help.

Is there anything else you can think of that he's been doing or saying recently?

Thank you for your reply. I like the letter idea and will definitely try it. he has a really bad experience seeking help, his parents Baker acted him at 16....20 years letter and still not wanting to seek help because "He knows" it's not going to work.

In the sense of doing/ saying: he has been trying to reach out to family members and asking them to reveal the "Truth". That's the only thing major. He does feel hopelessness and expresses it. As well, he expresses that no one understands him...and they never will.

 

[Wishbone]

I had to look up the Baker Act thing, we'd call that being 'sectioned' here in the UK. Anyway, so he's had previous and from quite a young age too. He must have shown something pretty big for him to have been Baker-acted though, do you know anything about that; what happened etc? Has he got a diagnosis? I would assume they labelled him with something when he was taken in at 16.

 

[Joy]

At 16, he was diagnosed with Bipolar. But he feels like he was misdiagnosed... He was placed on medication (anti-depressant) which he says all it did was make him worst and just stop seeking help. Therefore, his mentally when it comes to "seeking help" is not going to work for him. I've spoken to him in the past about how medicine is always evolving and methods are evolving. Basically what he experience at the age of 16 won't be the same at the age of 38, but nothing...my conversations with him just go in circles and of course we both get frustrated.

 

[Wishbone]

Ah ok. Well they'd usually steer you away from antidepressants with a diagnosis of Bipolar except for those really struggling to get out of severe depression, and even then it's risky; there aren't too many on here that I've seen that are on antidepresssants. The problem is that if you do have them it can send you manic and you can end up with psychosis (hallucinations and/or delusions, which it sounds like he may be having with the pressing people for the 'truth' thing). But he can also experience this without antidepressants by simply having Bipolar and not being medicated to guard against that very thing. Most of us are medicated because the episodes will come. Left to experience them over and over will give you a very poor quality of life, so it's in his best interests to get help and get onto mood stabilizers or antipsychotics (don't let the name frighten you off, they're mostly used to keep people on an even keel rather than people taking them because they are actually psychotic - although they're obviously used for that too).

So what can you do? You can try the letter, you can say you've read up on things, you can mention antidepressants and how, with a Bipolar diagnosis, they will have done more harm than good but they shouldn't offer him them again and that getting onto the correct medications could help him to get by a hell of a lot better than he is at present, you can say that you understand a bit more about the illness and how hard it can be, especially without meds, and that you want to help him fight it, and you can hope you say the right things to get through to him. I fear that if he doesn't get the help soon he could end up with the Baker Act again. I hope that doesn't happen though. I'd get to work on that letter.