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Feeling 'Dangerous'

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madsheep

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Jul 11, 2009
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Bedfordshire
WARNING: feelings strange and its just whats popping into my head right now. Its not graphic or anything, but its a bit... loooopy haha

Does anyone else ever get that itching feeling. The kind of feeling where you just wanna do something daring. Something that 'normal' people would consider dangerous?
I have tried to tell my psychs about this feeling before but they never understand.
I live litteraly a few minutes walk from a forest. And right now I feel like I am superhuman. Like I could go into that forest, climb to the top of the tallest tree and jump. But I wouldn fall. I would be able to fly.
I have not taken anything. I have not been drinking. I am feeling really quite out of it today though. Yesterday I SHed. But I am getting better and better at hiding it from my fiance. There once was a time where we were open and I would tell him. BUT now... I can see it in his eyes that he is just fed up with me. He doesnt want to know. So he wont know.
And I feel like doing it again.
I need to drink. I wanna smoke weed. I want to be dangerous and run around setting fire to things.

Does this make me a horrid person. I dont want anyone to get hurt. I would never want that. I feel like I myself would never get hurt.

Is this what mania feels like?

WHY is it SO HARD to keep myself sitting here. WHY dont I just GET UP AND GO.
WHats STOPing me? I dont know.
I just need to release. Be FREEEE.
 
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mad as a hatter

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do u feel manic madsheep cause when i do i feel like i can fly it,s a rather nice feeling
 
G

gemma

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hey i know just what your meaning perhaps ill try and give you a proper reply later but just so you know your not alone
 
M

madsheep

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manic... whats manic. Borderline personality disorder patients are not supposed to be manic!! hahaha
And I dont know how I feel. happy... perhaps not. I was feeling really low this morning. sinking lower and lower and then all of a sudden. wooooooooo. I can fly. I wanna skip around the living room. Listen to nutters singing about raining men and being freee.
manic does perhaps describe my mood... but really. 'do you ever get excessively happy?' was once asked by my psych. My fiance looked at him as if HE was the mad one. But then it usually happens when I am on my own.
tra la la la la
ooooo chocolate!
 
A

Affective

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Nov 5, 2009
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414
manic... whats manic. Borderline personality disorder patients are not supposed to be manic!! hahaha
And I dont know how I feel. happy... perhaps not. I was feeling really low this morning. sinking lower and lower and then all of a sudden. wooooooooo. I can fly. I wanna skip around the living room. Listen to nutters singing about raining men and being freee.
manic does perhaps describe my mood... but really. 'do you ever get excessively happy?' was once asked by my psych. My fiance looked at him as if HE was the mad one. But then it usually happens when I am on my own.
tra la la la la
ooooo chocolate!
Madsheep, do you mind me asking do you take any medications? Are you on a Moodstabilzer or Antipsychotic? Have you forgot to take them? Sorry for all the questions.
 
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mad as a hatter

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i but bpd patients do get some high,s don,t they maybe that,s what u r sufferin right now keep an eye and c how long it lasts
 
M

madsheep

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Affective: lol. Your reply made me giggle. I sound like a right nutter at the moment. *cant stop laughing*. dont worry about asking questions. Its fun. Nope not on meds. nothing at ALL!! except the occasional bit of fresh air, although how fresh it really is is debatable. lol. haha. I am such a nutter. tra la la.
Anyway. So yeah. not on meds. didnt forget to take any. do you have any that I can take?

mad as a hatter: love your name. watched alice in wonderland, the new one, in 3d last week. was awesome. anyway. yeah will see. probably come right dowwwwn after this. tra la la. but o well. its good while it lasts.

Now on the phone to my other half, and he has asked me what I have been taking and I cant stop giggling. wow this feels strange.
 
A

Affective

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Affective: lol. Your reply made me giggle. I sound like a right nutter at the moment. *cant stop laughing*. dont worry about asking questions. Its fun. Nope not on meds. nothing at ALL!! except the occasional bit of fresh air, although how fresh it really is is debatable. lol. haha. I am such a nutter. tra la la.
Anyway. So yeah. not on meds. didnt forget to take any. do you have any that I can take?
No, you are not a Nutter. I think it would be a good idea to tell your team that you are experiencing this. What happened before you started feeling this way, or did you not see this coming?
 
M

madsheep

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hahahaha. Just had a giggling fit. anyway. Erm I should probably tell someone shouldnt I, but I dont make phone calls. I only answer the phone to my Other half. So I dont know how to tell anyone.
Before this started.... I am sitting on the sofa reading posts. Just doing what I normally do. didnt see it coming at all.
I think my fiance might be rather worried about me now. I have not been this happy for.... months!! and I just cant stop giggling. Laughing on the phone and cant even form verbal words. I dont want this to end now!
 
A

Affective

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hahahaha. Just had a giggling fit. anyway. Erm I should probably tell someone shouldnt I, but I dont make phone calls. I only answer the phone to my Other half. So I dont know how to tell anyone.
Before this started.... I am sitting on the sofa reading posts. Just doing what I normally do. didnt see it coming at all.
I think my fiance might be rather worried about me now. I have not been this happy for.... months!! and I just cant stop giggling. Laughing on the phone and cant even form verbal words. I dont want this to end now!
I understand high moods can be very enjoyable, but I'd like you to know they come with dangerous of doing things without thinking and believing in delusions. Can you text your social worker or someone that you need them to ring you?
 
M

madsheep

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wellllll. about the whole social worker thing.... I dont currently have one. I was given one and he was a useless piece of .... anyway in the 10 weeks or so that he was my social worker, I heard from him once, he met me for 10 minutes and he kept forgetting my name. So I asked for another one and was ignored for a lil bit, but then they have given me a new one but she is on leave until monday. and your right. I am still feeling really qutie dangerous. omg I am stil laughing but its now a kind of hysterical laughter.
I wanna go out and skip down the street and run up to people and hug them and then try and fly.... :( what do I do.... I am trying really hard to not do anything.
 
A

Affective

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wellllll. about the whole social worker thing.... I dont currently have one. I was given one and he was a useless piece of .... anyway in the 10 weeks or so that he was my social worker, I heard from him once, he met me for 10 minutes and he kept forgetting my name. So I asked for another one and was ignored for a lil bit, but then they have given me a new one but she is on leave until monday. and your right. I am still feeling really qutie dangerous. omg I am stil laughing but its now a kind of hysterical laughter.
I wanna go out and skip down the street and run up to people and hug them and then try and fly.... :( what do I do.... I am trying really hard to not do anything.
If you can please phone the Crisis team or your own team. Could you text someone you trust to phone them for you?
 
M

madsheep

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//www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tHoK1CpCaI you have to watch this. its aweeesomee!
 
M

madsheep

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but what if its not mania. what if I am just feeling happy and thats it and they come round and say that i am wasting their time. and what if i tell graeme that I think I can fly and he thinks that I am just being silly and that I am fine and this is just normal and omg this song is just so funky. I can sing all the words and everything. ahaha. and and what if noone takes me seriously. maybe I should get changed out of my pjs because I am gonna go for a walk or something then I dont wanna be in my pjs.
and i wanna tell graeme but he wont know what to do and the is no one else.
ooo I wonder what cucumber and chocolate sandwiches taste like??? *goes to kitchen*
 
messymoo

messymoo

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Hey Madsheep glad your feeling better than this morning but I agree with the others you need to let someone know whats going on try and stay safe
Messy
 
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