• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Feeling confused about my head.

  • Thread starter Lostandconfused06
  • Start date
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Hello. I’ve never posted anything on a forum in my life before, but I’m feeling so bad in myself right now, that I feel I need some answers if possible.
I’m an 18 year old male, and I have Aspergers. For a great portion of my life, I’ve suffered from anxiety, and some episodes of depression in my early teenage years, but they’ve all never lasted long. I’ve always been very, very creative, a huge reason I studied art and Photography at college. My imagination has always been very strong from what I can remember from a young age, I’m not sure if my Aspergers is a reason for this or not.

So, I guess I’ll explain what’s happened lately. For the past couple of months before feeling the way I do now, I have been dealing with some stress. I’ve been learning to drive, and because I’m such a ‘perfectionist’ in all that I do, whenever I made a mistake in my driving, I would beat myself up about it all day mentally, Even until the next morning. I’ve recently had a falling out with my older brother, and because I’m very quiet as a person, I’ve never really said what I want to say in an argument, but this time I had to as my mum was being treated very badly verbally by him and his girlfriend. This was about a month or so before I started feeling bad.
My mum suffers from chronic migraine attacks, which leaves her unable to get out of bed. I’ve been witnessed to this ever since a child, so it’s nothing new to me.
This kind of relates to what has happened to me. Because I don’t have any friends or family who really are there for me except my mum, when she gets ill now, I seem to become quite anxious and stressed.
The night I became bad, was a month ago. My mum was having to lie down on the chair, which I do remember made me feel quite down and miserable.
This is when the problem started. I was getting on with my usual routine, seemingly no problems what so ever. Then, I know it’s a strange and probably unique problem, but I tried to visualise a car that I really like. Something that I’m sure I’ve done before with no problems? I felt that I was struggling, and that it wasn’t clear enough in my mind. This instantly concerned me as again I’m sure I’ve never had a problem with doing this before, except now I can’t even remember what my normal self and mind was like before feeling like this. I asked my mum about this, and she wasn’t sure what was going on with me. I straight away started to panic, looking online to see what the problem could be, which probably made me worse as I discovered that some people can’t visualise things in their mind at all, leading me to believe that I could have that problem as well, or have somehow developed it. I have to remind, that this literally happened out of nowhere, no reason for head injury or anything. Just one minute I’m fine, the next I can’t think clearly. I went to bed, and unfortunately the next day was awful. I woke up and felt the same, like I couldn’t think clearly except that something is wrong with me. I went downstairs and just started crying, I’m not sure if it was a mixture of fear about what was happening to me, but I definitely remember feeling so sad about my mum being the way she was in her illness. I didn’t have an appetite all day, and was crying on and off all the time. As previously mentioned, this was a month ago and so far I don’t feel any better. When it first began, I started waking up in the night after only an hour or two of sleep, literally having a panic attack. I could feel my heartbeat through my whole body, and couldn’t breathe properly. I really thought I was going to die.
I contacted my doctor about this, to see if anything was wrong with me. I’ve been given antidepressants, but for the 3 weeks I’ve been taking them I haven’t felt better. I know that they can take a while to work, but at the moment I feel pretty hopeless. Every day, I feel like I have little energy. My head can’t think clearly, like I’m having some thoughts but they feel incomplete and kind of feel like I’m not having any thoughts at all if that makes sense. I just feel completely blank. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies since the day this began, and I still feel like I can’t visualise things in my head clearly or properly. It’s like I’ve lost my whole imagination, my head is just so empty feeling. Each day, I feel this feeling in my head almost like a headache but without the pain, like tension? Like my brain is enlarging in my head. It’s all awful. I feel so detached from everything and everyone around me, whether it be people I know like neighbours or even places. It’s like everything feels weird, but I’m not sure why or how to properly explain it. I just feel stuck and hopeless. I’ve never felt this way in my life, and I just feel so dead inside. This morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Just that I can’t be bothered at all.
Once again, I have to remind that this all started out of seemingly nowhere, just that I was feeling pretty low one point, and then the next I can’t think clearly or imagine anything properly in my head. And now, I can’t even remember whether I could even do it in the first place. This has affected my memory in some ways too. The whole month has felt like a blur, like I can remember what has happened, but it feels foggy at the same time. I feel like I can’t access my memories as fast, or sometimes at all. I just can’t think clearly. I really do feel honestly terrified by it all. I can’t even feel like I can remember who I once was as a person, what being ‘normal’ felt like. I’m just terrified that I’m going to lose myself as a person, I just don’t feel human anymore. Completely blank.

I’m sorry this is so long, I just feel so at a loss and confused by everything right now. My imagination was so important to me, and now I feel like it’s gone. Or questioning whether I ever had it at all? it’s so confusing to me. I know it’s probably confusing to understand, as it is for me haha. I just feel so depressed, I’m in a very dark place. I’m just desperate to know if this can happen and why, whether any of the stress I previously mentioned could be anything to do with it, and my mum becoming ill finally took me over the edge mentally? I’m not sure if anyone would know anything about what I’m dealing with or not, I would appreciate it greatly!
Thanks.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Hello. I’ve never posted anything on a forum in my life before, but I’m feeling so bad in myself right now, that I feel I need some answers if possible.
I’m an 18 year old male, and I have Aspergers. For a great portion of my life, I’ve suffered from anxiety, and some episodes of depression in my early teenage years, but they’ve all never lasted long. I’ve always been very, very creative, a huge reason I studied art and Photography at college. My imagination has always been very strong from what I can remember from a young age, I’m not sure if my Aspergers is a reason for this or not.

So, I guess I’ll explain what’s happened lately. For the past couple of months before feeling the way I do now, I have been dealing with some stress. I’ve been learning to drive, and because I’m such a ‘perfectionist’ in all that I do, whenever I made a mistake in my driving, I would beat myself up about it all day mentally, Even until the next morning. I’ve recently had a falling out with my older brother, and because I’m very quiet as a person, I’ve never really said what I want to say in an argument, but this time I had to as my mum was being treated very badly verbally by him and his girlfriend. This was about a month or so before I started feeling bad.
My mum suffers from chronic migraine attacks, which leaves her unable to get out of bed. I’ve been witnessed to this ever since a child, so it’s nothing new to me.
This kind of relates to what has happened to me. Because I don’t have any friends or family who really are there for me except my mum, when she gets ill now, I seem to become quite anxious and stressed.
The night I became bad, was a month ago. My mum was having to lie down on the chair, which I do remember made me feel quite down and miserable.
This is when the problem started. I was getting on with my usual routine, seemingly no problems what so ever. Then, I know it’s a strange and probably unique problem, but I tried to visualise a car that I really like. Something that I’m sure I’ve done before with no problems? I felt that I was struggling, and that it wasn’t clear enough in my mind. This instantly concerned me as again I’m sure I’ve never had a problem with doing this before, except now I can’t even remember what my normal self and mind was like before feeling like this. I asked my mum about this, and she wasn’t sure what was going on with me. I straight away started to panic, looking online to see what the problem could be, which probably made me worse as I discovered that some people can’t visualise things in their mind at all, leading me to believe that I could have that problem as well, or have somehow developed it. I have to remind, that this literally happened out of nowhere, no reason for head injury or anything. Just one minute I’m fine, the next I can’t think clearly. I went to bed, and unfortunately the next day was awful. I woke up and felt the same, like I couldn’t think clearly except that something is wrong with me. I went downstairs and just started crying, I’m not sure if it was a mixture of fear about what was happening to me, but I definitely remember feeling so sad about my mum being the way she was in her illness. I didn’t have an appetite all day, and was crying on and off all the time. As previously mentioned, this was a month ago and so far I don’t feel any better. When it first began, I started waking up in the night after only an hour or two of sleep, literally having a panic attack. I could feel my heartbeat through my whole body, and couldn’t breathe properly. I really thought I was going to die.
I contacted my doctor about this, to see if anything was wrong with me. I’ve been given antidepressants, but for the 3 weeks I’ve been taking them I haven’t felt better. I know that they can take a while to work, but at the moment I feel pretty hopeless. Every day, I feel like I have little energy. My head can’t think clearly, like I’m having some thoughts but they feel incomplete and kind of feel like I’m not having any thoughts at all if that makes sense. I just feel completely blank. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies since the day this began, and I still feel like I can’t visualise things in my head clearly or properly. It’s like I’ve lost my whole imagination, my head is just so empty feeling. Each day, I feel this feeling in my head almost like a headache but without the pain, like tension? Like my brain is enlarging in my head. It’s all awful. I feel so detached from everything and everyone around me, whether it be people I know like neighbours or even places. It’s like everything feels weird, but I’m not sure why or how to properly explain it. I just feel stuck and hopeless. I’ve never felt this way in my life, and I just feel so dead inside. This morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Just that I can’t be bothered at all.
Once again, I have to remind that this all started out of seemingly nowhere, just that I was feeling pretty low one point, and then the next I can’t think clearly or imagine anything properly in my head. And now, I can’t even remember whether I could even do it in the first place. This has affected my memory in some ways too. The whole month has felt like a blur, like I can remember what has happened, but it feels foggy at the same time. I feel like I can’t access my memories as fast, or sometimes at all. I just can’t think clearly. I really do feel honestly terrified by it all. I can’t even feel like I can remember who I once was as a person, what being ‘normal’ felt like. I’m just terrified that I’m going to lose myself as a person, I just don’t feel human anymore. Completely blank.

I’m sorry this is so long, I just feel so at a loss and confused by everything right now. My imagination was so important to me, and now I feel like it’s gone. Or questioning whether I ever had it at all? it’s so confusing to me. I know it’s probably confusing to understand, as it is for me haha. I just feel so depressed, I’m in a very dark place. I’m just desperate to know if this can happen and why, whether any of the stress I previously mentioned could be anything to do with it, and my mum becoming ill finally took me over the edge mentally? I’m not sure if anyone would know anything about what I’m dealing with or not, I would appreciate it greatly!
Thanks.
Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you have lots going on and with an aspergers diagnosis it must be really hard to deal with. Know you have friends and support here 👍
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,458
Location
Sweden
Welcome to the forum :grouphug:

You have quite the stressful months and it must be a true struggle. The anti-depressive can take between 4-6 weeks until you will feel an effect but if they still don’t kick in.

My head is mostly empty, don’t truly have a lot of imagination. I think it’s just caused by the stress and depression, I somehow like to not have any thoughts. When I feel a little better my imagination come backs.

I hope you will get a few tips from people here and get a lot of support.

It’s nice meeting you! :)
 
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Hi Talina, thank you very much for replying, I really appreciate it :) I can see what you mean about not having thoughts being a good thing in some ways, I think because I’ve been so used to being creative and having a strong imagination, to lose it is very frightening :(
Thank you! It was nice meeting you too :)
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
1,254
Location
Somewhere
Maybe your fear of losing your imagination is causing a mental block. You sound petrified that you have lost or never had the imagination you have. This IMO could well be exacerbating the issue. You know like when we here of writers block? It is a genuine problem, but the anxiety over it makes it worse.

Now you are trying to force something that usually comes naturally. You are pressuring your mind to conjure up visualising stuff, and our minds generally don't work so well under pressure.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,458
Location
Sweden
Hi Talina, thank you very much for replying, I really appreciate it :) I can see what you mean about not having thoughts being a good thing in some ways, I think because I’ve been so used to being creative and having a strong imagination, to lose it is very frightening :(
Thank you! It was nice meeting you too :)
It’s understandable you are scared, it can be you are only having a mental block. A bit like when writers get writer block. So try to not stress over it and focus on your health, your imagination should come back again when you feel better :hug:

Sometimes our brains can make thoughts become shut out because it’s trying to cope and handle all the stress.

I hope you will feel better soon :)
 
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Hi PetitPois, thanks for replying. I do wonder if that could be part of the case. Its just that it started seemingly out of nowhere is why I’m confused by it? I’m not sure if it is the stress prior to it happening that has caused it. I now feel like I can’t think clearly at all, even just thoughts? I’m not sure. Thanks for replying again :)
 
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Thank you Talina :) That could very well be the case, I really appreciate having something else to consider as I felt very lost. This depression has been truly exhausting :( Thank you for replying again!
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Hi PetitPois, thanks for replying. I do wonder if that could be part of the case. Its just that it started seemingly out of nowhere is why I’m confused by it? I’m not sure if it is the stress prior to it happening that has caused it. I now feel like I can’t think clearly at all, even just thoughts? I’m not sure. Thanks for replying again :)
Stress, anxiety and general over stimulation is the cause of many problems with the brain. Try take some time to slow things down.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
1,254
Location
Somewhere
Hi PetitPois, thanks for replying. I do wonder if that could be part of the case. Its just that it started seemingly out of nowhere is why I’m confused by it? I’m not sure if it is the stress prior to it happening that has caused it. I now feel like I can’t think clearly at all, even just thoughts? I’m not sure. Thanks for replying again :)
As @Talina said your medication still could take a little while longer to kick in. But yes the stress could have made your mind go blank. Now you are analysing your mind and putting it under duress. It is hard for anything to function normally in these circumstances.

And I agree with @GhostOfLenin try to slow things down and stop trying to force it.
 
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Hi GhostOfLenin, thanks for replying again. It definitely helps to have a possible answer to my problem, so thank you :) I really do wonder if the stress I’ve had with everything has caused this, as its all I can think of really :( Thanks again!
 
L

Lostandconfused06

Member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
11
Location
United Kingdom
Thanks for the advice PetitPois. Yes, I do feel like I’m probably over analysing it, it’s probably because I’ve never experienced this before, at least I don’t think. I just have the constant worry that something is wrong with my head, and the depression and brain fog I’ve had ever since that night has been horrible :( thanks again for the advice!
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,458
Location
Sweden
Thank you Talina :) That could very well be the case, I really appreciate having something else to consider as I felt very lost. This depression has been truly exhausting :( Thank you for replying again!
I understand, I also handle depression. When I get really low my brain will feel like a cloudy mess with no focus and thoughts, I will also zone out. But it often ligthen ups and go over after a certain time :)

Otherwise having those problems all the time would be a true struggle when I’m studying at uni and need my brain to not become foggy and zoning out.

So try to take one day at a time and do things that you maybe enjoy doing, that can help you relax. For example taking a short walk outdoors every day to clear your mind, taking a hot cup of chocolate and so on :sherlock:
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Hi GhostOfLenin, thanks for replying again. It definitely helps to have a possible answer to my problem, so thank you :) I really do wonder if the stress I’ve had with everything has caused this, as its all I can think of really :( Thanks again!
Stress does terrible things to the mind. The trick is overcoming your mind 👍
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
P HELLO EVERYONE FEELING SO LOW AND VERY CONFUSED IT DRIVING ME CRAZY 🤪 Depression Forum 8
Carol1952 I am feeling so confused and depressed Depression Forum 8
Carol1952 Feeling depressed and confused and I dont know why. Depression Forum 122
M I'm feeling lost Depression Forum 1
P Numb Emotions and Not Feeling Love Because of Depression Depression Forum 4
J Feeling worse now than a few years ago Depression Forum 4
L Depressed and Feeling Inadequate to My Loved Ones Depression Forum 4
Z Feeling like everything is empty Depression Forum 2
L Feeling alone and hopeless Depression Forum 8
RadioHush feeling good for the first time in a while :) Depression Forum 4
H Feeling hopeless Depression Forum 8
J Need some help I'm feeling very depressed the moment and just do not feel good Depression Forum 4
apple2003 tw: suicidal, feeling like a burden, out of control Depression Forum 9
I Feeling so depressed and fed up Depression Forum 8
C Feeling very suicidal today Depression Forum 14
S Feeling stupid Depression Forum 1
J Feeling dodgy Depression Forum 5
R Feeling Empty and Down Depression Forum 4
dovah1024 Feeling Empty Depression Forum 8
R Feeling of inadequacy and can no longer enjoy things. Depression Forum 5
R Feeling lower every day from all I've been through Depression Forum 14
S Feeling depressed and disconnected Depression Forum 9
F Feeling stuck in everything... Depression Forum 1
Fireflies201 Feeling defeated and stuck Depression Forum 13
R Not feeling connected Depression Forum 18
M Feeling numb, yet ready to explode. Depression Forum 5
Q Feeling as if my feelings are all in my head Depression Forum 2
PurpleBlue A thread for anyone feeling like crap tonight Depression Forum 7
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou What do you do when feeling lonely Depression Forum 4
R Feeling bleak when everything is going well Depression Forum 4
M Feeling hurt/sad/frustrated Depression Forum 4
N Slept at last but now feeling bad Depression Forum 6
S Feeling drained & hopeless Depression Forum 5
O feeling like a horrible person... Depression Forum 2
A I'm just feeling numb Depression Forum 5
B Feeling helpless Depression Forum 95
G guilty for feeling ok Depression Forum 11
Faith198 Feeling like I’m stuck like this forever Depression Forum 4
G Feeling empty Depression Forum 24
R Feeling a little all over the place Depression Forum 1
manicmonday Feeling like the worst mum in the world Depression Forum 13
L Would like some advice about feeling detached recently Depression Forum 1
S Depression? Period. Not feeling good any others get these symptoms Depression Forum 4
Y Feeling really lonely sice covid started Depression Forum 7
J Bi-polar alcoholic mother is imploding, my relationship with my wife is very difficult. Feeling very overwhelmed. Depression Forum 4
fluffydogs Feeling insecure because of my bf's ex. Depression Forum 5
R Feeling down lately Depression Forum 4
I Terrified of going into work (feeling physically sick) Depression Forum 4
T Feeling really suicidal Depression Forum 9
L Tired Of Feeling Like This Depression Forum 15

Similar threads

Top