L
Lostandconfused06
Member
Hello. I’ve never posted anything on a forum in my life before, but I’m feeling so bad in myself right now, that I feel I need some answers if possible.
I’m an 18 year old male, and I have Aspergers. For a great portion of my life, I’ve suffered from anxiety, and some episodes of depression in my early teenage years, but they’ve all never lasted long. I’ve always been very, very creative, a huge reason I studied art and Photography at college. My imagination has always been very strong from what I can remember from a young age, I’m not sure if my Aspergers is a reason for this or not.
So, I guess I’ll explain what’s happened lately. For the past couple of months before feeling the way I do now, I have been dealing with some stress. I’ve been learning to drive, and because I’m such a ‘perfectionist’ in all that I do, whenever I made a mistake in my driving, I would beat myself up about it all day mentally, Even until the next morning. I’ve recently had a falling out with my older brother, and because I’m very quiet as a person, I’ve never really said what I want to say in an argument, but this time I had to as my mum was being treated very badly verbally by him and his girlfriend. This was about a month or so before I started feeling bad.
My mum suffers from chronic migraine attacks, which leaves her unable to get out of bed. I’ve been witnessed to this ever since a child, so it’s nothing new to me.
This kind of relates to what has happened to me. Because I don’t have any friends or family who really are there for me except my mum, when she gets ill now, I seem to become quite anxious and stressed.
The night I became bad, was a month ago. My mum was having to lie down on the chair, which I do remember made me feel quite down and miserable.
This is when the problem started. I was getting on with my usual routine, seemingly no problems what so ever. Then, I know it’s a strange and probably unique problem, but I tried to visualise a car that I really like. Something that I’m sure I’ve done before with no problems? I felt that I was struggling, and that it wasn’t clear enough in my mind. This instantly concerned me as again I’m sure I’ve never had a problem with doing this before, except now I can’t even remember what my normal self and mind was like before feeling like this. I asked my mum about this, and she wasn’t sure what was going on with me. I straight away started to panic, looking online to see what the problem could be, which probably made me worse as I discovered that some people can’t visualise things in their mind at all, leading me to believe that I could have that problem as well, or have somehow developed it. I have to remind, that this literally happened out of nowhere, no reason for head injury or anything. Just one minute I’m fine, the next I can’t think clearly. I went to bed, and unfortunately the next day was awful. I woke up and felt the same, like I couldn’t think clearly except that something is wrong with me. I went downstairs and just started crying, I’m not sure if it was a mixture of fear about what was happening to me, but I definitely remember feeling so sad about my mum being the way she was in her illness. I didn’t have an appetite all day, and was crying on and off all the time. As previously mentioned, this was a month ago and so far I don’t feel any better. When it first began, I started waking up in the night after only an hour or two of sleep, literally having a panic attack. I could feel my heartbeat through my whole body, and couldn’t breathe properly. I really thought I was going to die.
I contacted my doctor about this, to see if anything was wrong with me. I’ve been given antidepressants, but for the 3 weeks I’ve been taking them I haven’t felt better. I know that they can take a while to work, but at the moment I feel pretty hopeless. Every day, I feel like I have little energy. My head can’t think clearly, like I’m having some thoughts but they feel incomplete and kind of feel like I’m not having any thoughts at all if that makes sense. I just feel completely blank. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies since the day this began, and I still feel like I can’t visualise things in my head clearly or properly. It’s like I’ve lost my whole imagination, my head is just so empty feeling. Each day, I feel this feeling in my head almost like a headache but without the pain, like tension? Like my brain is enlarging in my head. It’s all awful. I feel so detached from everything and everyone around me, whether it be people I know like neighbours or even places. It’s like everything feels weird, but I’m not sure why or how to properly explain it. I just feel stuck and hopeless. I’ve never felt this way in my life, and I just feel so dead inside. This morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Just that I can’t be bothered at all.
Once again, I have to remind that this all started out of seemingly nowhere, just that I was feeling pretty low one point, and then the next I can’t think clearly or imagine anything properly in my head. And now, I can’t even remember whether I could even do it in the first place. This has affected my memory in some ways too. The whole month has felt like a blur, like I can remember what has happened, but it feels foggy at the same time. I feel like I can’t access my memories as fast, or sometimes at all. I just can’t think clearly. I really do feel honestly terrified by it all. I can’t even feel like I can remember who I once was as a person, what being ‘normal’ felt like. I’m just terrified that I’m going to lose myself as a person, I just don’t feel human anymore. Completely blank.
I’m sorry this is so long, I just feel so at a loss and confused by everything right now. My imagination was so important to me, and now I feel like it’s gone. Or questioning whether I ever had it at all? it’s so confusing to me. I know it’s probably confusing to understand, as it is for me haha. I just feel so depressed, I’m in a very dark place. I’m just desperate to know if this can happen and why, whether any of the stress I previously mentioned could be anything to do with it, and my mum becoming ill finally took me over the edge mentally? I’m not sure if anyone would know anything about what I’m dealing with or not, I would appreciate it greatly!
Thanks.
I’m an 18 year old male, and I have Aspergers. For a great portion of my life, I’ve suffered from anxiety, and some episodes of depression in my early teenage years, but they’ve all never lasted long. I’ve always been very, very creative, a huge reason I studied art and Photography at college. My imagination has always been very strong from what I can remember from a young age, I’m not sure if my Aspergers is a reason for this or not.
So, I guess I’ll explain what’s happened lately. For the past couple of months before feeling the way I do now, I have been dealing with some stress. I’ve been learning to drive, and because I’m such a ‘perfectionist’ in all that I do, whenever I made a mistake in my driving, I would beat myself up about it all day mentally, Even until the next morning. I’ve recently had a falling out with my older brother, and because I’m very quiet as a person, I’ve never really said what I want to say in an argument, but this time I had to as my mum was being treated very badly verbally by him and his girlfriend. This was about a month or so before I started feeling bad.
My mum suffers from chronic migraine attacks, which leaves her unable to get out of bed. I’ve been witnessed to this ever since a child, so it’s nothing new to me.
This kind of relates to what has happened to me. Because I don’t have any friends or family who really are there for me except my mum, when she gets ill now, I seem to become quite anxious and stressed.
The night I became bad, was a month ago. My mum was having to lie down on the chair, which I do remember made me feel quite down and miserable.
This is when the problem started. I was getting on with my usual routine, seemingly no problems what so ever. Then, I know it’s a strange and probably unique problem, but I tried to visualise a car that I really like. Something that I’m sure I’ve done before with no problems? I felt that I was struggling, and that it wasn’t clear enough in my mind. This instantly concerned me as again I’m sure I’ve never had a problem with doing this before, except now I can’t even remember what my normal self and mind was like before feeling like this. I asked my mum about this, and she wasn’t sure what was going on with me. I straight away started to panic, looking online to see what the problem could be, which probably made me worse as I discovered that some people can’t visualise things in their mind at all, leading me to believe that I could have that problem as well, or have somehow developed it. I have to remind, that this literally happened out of nowhere, no reason for head injury or anything. Just one minute I’m fine, the next I can’t think clearly. I went to bed, and unfortunately the next day was awful. I woke up and felt the same, like I couldn’t think clearly except that something is wrong with me. I went downstairs and just started crying, I’m not sure if it was a mixture of fear about what was happening to me, but I definitely remember feeling so sad about my mum being the way she was in her illness. I didn’t have an appetite all day, and was crying on and off all the time. As previously mentioned, this was a month ago and so far I don’t feel any better. When it first began, I started waking up in the night after only an hour or two of sleep, literally having a panic attack. I could feel my heartbeat through my whole body, and couldn’t breathe properly. I really thought I was going to die.
I contacted my doctor about this, to see if anything was wrong with me. I’ve been given antidepressants, but for the 3 weeks I’ve been taking them I haven’t felt better. I know that they can take a while to work, but at the moment I feel pretty hopeless. Every day, I feel like I have little energy. My head can’t think clearly, like I’m having some thoughts but they feel incomplete and kind of feel like I’m not having any thoughts at all if that makes sense. I just feel completely blank. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies since the day this began, and I still feel like I can’t visualise things in my head clearly or properly. It’s like I’ve lost my whole imagination, my head is just so empty feeling. Each day, I feel this feeling in my head almost like a headache but without the pain, like tension? Like my brain is enlarging in my head. It’s all awful. I feel so detached from everything and everyone around me, whether it be people I know like neighbours or even places. It’s like everything feels weird, but I’m not sure why or how to properly explain it. I just feel stuck and hopeless. I’ve never felt this way in my life, and I just feel so dead inside. This morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Just that I can’t be bothered at all.
Once again, I have to remind that this all started out of seemingly nowhere, just that I was feeling pretty low one point, and then the next I can’t think clearly or imagine anything properly in my head. And now, I can’t even remember whether I could even do it in the first place. This has affected my memory in some ways too. The whole month has felt like a blur, like I can remember what has happened, but it feels foggy at the same time. I feel like I can’t access my memories as fast, or sometimes at all. I just can’t think clearly. I really do feel honestly terrified by it all. I can’t even feel like I can remember who I once was as a person, what being ‘normal’ felt like. I’m just terrified that I’m going to lose myself as a person, I just don’t feel human anymore. Completely blank.
I’m sorry this is so long, I just feel so at a loss and confused by everything right now. My imagination was so important to me, and now I feel like it’s gone. Or questioning whether I ever had it at all? it’s so confusing to me. I know it’s probably confusing to understand, as it is for me haha. I just feel so depressed, I’m in a very dark place. I’m just desperate to know if this can happen and why, whether any of the stress I previously mentioned could be anything to do with it, and my mum becoming ill finally took me over the edge mentally? I’m not sure if anyone would know anything about what I’m dealing with or not, I would appreciate it greatly!
Thanks.
