- May 17, 2019
I read so many horror stories about traumatic pasts that lead to a decline in people’s mental health, some horrific things that I can’t even imagine ever going through myself. Those people also I feel have their illness validated in some way- like, it’s a no wonder they’re I’ll, theyre survivors. Then there’s me, I’m angry twisted and riddled with mental illness, for what? A little history - I grew up with what on the outside looked like the perfect family, hard working parents, nice home, family holidays etc but within the walls was toxic, my dads explosive temper and the mental abuse my mum endured because of it. His attention turned to me as soon as I hit my teens and began lashing out, I had no respect for either of them by this point and I tended to do my own thing with those who I actually considered family- my friends. My dad started to kick my out over the most simple of things and my mum never stuck up for me in case she got it I’m the neck, I hated her for that. During this time I was missing exams and my mental health was slowly declining. I moved out as soon as I could and started drinking, partying and getting into relationships that were no good and always ended up abusive. I really started to notice my mental health issues when I met my current partner, he’s amazing but I’ve always struggled to accept his love, the Same when my son came along. My mental health declined massively since I’ve had my son and I am now diagnosed BPD and severe depression and I’m constantly feeling my feelings aren’t validated. My past wasn’t ideal but nothing that should have messed me up this bad, I honestly feel pathetic.