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Feeling better today...having weird thoughts though (nothing bad)

C

ConfusedNSad

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
122
:( I still feel like I am making this up in my head. Are these urges real? Why do I get them? Are they just going to go away like the other things I have obsessed about, then dropped once I got tired of them? They feel different, they come without warning. I don't know what is real anymore. I am fine in the real world in general (no problems maintaining a normal life and doing normal stuff like a normal person)...why can't I JUST BE NORMAL? Why do I torture myself?

I can't believe I am very close to s/h (self-harming) for the first time in 3 years. This doctor made me feel more confused than ever and my mind is now blocking out me even thinking about fire, even though the urges are still there and strong. The pleasure is muted now...not as pleasurable, though I still need it to calm myself down. It builds, builds, then I have to light a small fire or else I get restless and angry. Help me. I am so confused.
 
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C

ConfusedNSad

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
122
Sigh...They are stronger than ever today. I snuck into the bathroom earlier just to burn some toilet paper. What the heck is wrong with me? It is like this hand totally pushing me to burn things, but in my head.

This REALLY bites.
 
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