Feeling bad today

cpuusage

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,660
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
#1
Feel like crap. Am sick of my life, sick of what goes on, sick of this society, sick of all of it.

i can't stand the way most people are, & how this society/culture/civilisation is. i had to go out earlier, & was in one of those states of mind where i was just looking at everyone with disgust. It's not good to be like that, & i try & have empathy, compassion & understanding - i just hate this society some days, how false, shallow & banal it all is, how ignorant, corrupt, judgemental, backward & nasty it all is. How false & narrow minded most people are, & how nasty the vibe is off most of them.

All the billion cars on the roads, all the people milling around the supermarket filing shopping trolleys up with shit & talking crap to the cashiers, with all the stupid advertising trying to get people to buy more crap. i go out in it all some days & it appears to me to be like a kind of a hell. Was glad to get back & hide in the flat.
 
Reach

Reach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 1, 2014
Messages
1,295
#2
I feel like that when depressed, are you depressed? I get particularly upset about food waste, all the stupid BOGOF offers, 2 for 3, how they try and get you to buy more than you want, how you cannot just buy one carton of orange juice, i mean who needs two. These irritable times usually don't last long in my experience, i hope it doesn't last long for you.
 
E

Eigau

Guest
#3
Sorry life is getting to you cpu. I thought that we have the ability to change ourselves but not others. I think that having high expectations of others can lead to disappointment so it's better to not have those expectations. I believe I'm happier for it. I hope talking it out helps somewhat cpu.

Take care.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,660
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
#4
I feel like that when depressed, are you depressed?
i remember being happy when i was around the age of 5 - i don't think i really have been since then.

I get particularly upset about food waste, all the stupid BOGOF offers, 2 for 3, how they try and get you to buy more than you want, how you cannot just buy one carton of orange juice, i mean who needs two.
There were signs all over Tesco saying 'the more you buy the more you save' - i mean what the fuck! It made me feel physically ill going in there.

These irritable times usually don't last long in my experience, i hope it doesn't last long for you.
Thanks. It'll pass.
 
Reach

Reach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 1, 2014
Messages
1,295
#5
Supermarkets have got to be the worst places you can go when not feeling well.

5? I wonder if it is the flattening affect of anti psychotics? They really do zap happiness. Don't have much choice though do you, you have to take them. Just try and do some nice things for yourself, comforting things that'll help you feel... comforted. Look after yourself until it passes.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,660
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
#6
5? I wonder if it is the flattening affect of anti psychotics?
i don't see how it's possible to fully heal/genuinely recover/integrate, live & feel fully being on a major tranquilizer? But i'm stuck in what i see as an endless catch 22 with it all & always have been. i worked out again the other day, in 15 years it will be over 1,100,000mg of this drug that i've taken. Is that healthy? i hate being on it - But the alternatives aren't viable/accessible, & it's a lesser of evils. Don't see how i'll ever work again? & especially with 15 years of unemployment.

Yes, around the ages of 5/6 i was happy. i remember it, i had peace of mind, was content, & things were OK. Then all the shit started, a bad accident, difficult/dysfunctional family dynamics, problems at school - some very odd experiences with extreme fear & panic around the ages of 8 to 10, with the depression, anxiety & drug/alcohol use starting age 11 - leading to full on addiction by age 15, sectioned aged 17 with very severe psychosis, & a living Hell/Nightmare till the age of 32 when things started to improve slightly. 9 years of relative stability, but i don't feel it's fully living - it's surviving; even more so now with current circumstances - the pressure from the DWP, the lack of appropriate support, ongoing major stress, it does me in. i end up sitting in the flat near on chain smoking, engaging in as little as possible.

It's very hard to have hope of it all realistically improving, & generally things haven't. i expect it will all be more of the same old shit.
 
Reach

Reach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 1, 2014
Messages
1,295
#7
That's a lot to experience at such a young age. I was 'normal' until my late teens and very thankful for that. My bad experiences happened early thirties. It makes you wonder how long you need to 'get over' all of that. I sometimes think it'd be good to talk to a counsellor about everything, just get it all out, but i think there is an element of stiring things up. I, like you, have not had great experiences with counsellors either.

I can really understand, honestly, that feeling of - is this it? Is it going to be like this forever? My cousin says often 'same shit different day'. But, it's to some extent a negative slant on things. There are good times, good days. I often wonder too how happy anyone can actually be out of work. I don't know if it is possible to have that wellbeing, that good feeling, without being in work. I might be wrong, that is just how i feel about myself. It's very unfair what you are going through with the DWP. It shouldn't be happening. I hope that your form will eventually get looked at by someone who will automatically grant 18 months of ESA like just happened to me, me who is well and working one day a week with a less serious mental health disorder. It just shows what a ridiculous game it all is. And living from 18 month to 18 month isn't much good for you either, it should be like it used to be on incapacity benefit.

Sorry for going on there.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,660
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
#8
I hope that your form will eventually get looked at by someone who will automatically grant 18 months of ESA
i was awarded 6 months at tribunal. Couple of months left & then will see what they do. i'd like to be in a position to tell them all to fuck off.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,660
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
#9
I, like you, have not had great experiences with counsellors either.
The vast majority of them are just crap. i've only really seen one half good one, who was with the NHS, but it was for only 10 sessions, & it still wasn't ideal. Have given up finding a suitable therapist now; the whole system is shit - proper help & support doesn't exist in this society.
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
3,380
Location
Yorkshire
#10
I'm sorry cpu - well I don't really know why I'm apologising because its not our fault that this society is a piece of fucking shit. I have very similar thoughts around things - and I know full well just the utter disgust about humanity. All the food waste, all the cruelty, all the abuse, homelessness, starvation, poverty, mental illness, suffering, injustice, hierarchy. It is hell. Absolutely, completely - a total hell. I sometimes feel being human is some kind of karmic penance - but then I look at so many other people who appear to be oblivious about the kind of fucked up world they're living in - or else just don't give a shit, and I think they don't look like they're suffering at the injustice of everything. So many people seem to actually enjoy it... It makes me feel suicidal thinking about it.
 
S

striderofthedge

New member
Joined
Apr 6, 2014
Messages
1
#12
I thought it was just me thinking like this I seem to pop from very negative days or weeks then into just ignoring it all. I don't ever remember being really happy I have moments of happiness but dropped to bits again after. I find it all very draining and I really struggle working. Every job I have I end up completely fuzzy headed can't think straight and make a complete hash of it. I'm warn out really and just want to sleep and not think . I have had pills in the past they helped for a while but after six months I went back to this negative fuzzy brained thing. I must add when the sun is out I'm perfectly normal again but living in the UK it's a very rare sight . I just need a bit of time and some peace but financial commitments won't allow it. Thanks for letting me off load some of my thoughts x
 
T

TheManWithNoName

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2014
Messages
13
#13
i feel you man.. the sad truth is our world is filled with arrogant judgmental douchebags. that think the only way to mask their insecurities is to try and put other people down and/or control them.. its sad but the truth is my life is filled with controlling, self centered, arrogant narcissists. those types of people are the hardest to deal with, they think that they are superior to everyone else and that everyone loves them which is completely false.. our lives are controlled by these types of people because they are usually the ones working for the government, business, politics ect. We have no choice but to put up with it... if only we lived with a more open minded collection of human beings.
 

Similar threads