Feeling awful anxiety & depression

[Julie41]

For the last few days I’ve felt anxiety raising its ugly head again
Been quite busy trying to get Christmas presents sorted & overthinking & worrying about COVID which l presume is a trigger - I never know !!
Tea time yesterday I felt bad - felt like my blood was boiling ( like a burning inside) felt very nauseous & wanted the loo quickly- felt lightheaded & shaky too
Could not eat - felt anxious all night & couldn’t concentrate on anything other than this evil anxiety
Went to bed listening to some body scan meditation - slept for a few hours - dreaming again - woke up feeling the same - listened to more meditation but was virtually impossible to concentrate as my mind was everywhere with negative thoughts
Feeling anxious but also down ( not sure how that works) don’t have any strength & everything looks very gloomy
Not sure if l have the willpower to get through another episode of this cruel demon- hate being on my own - my family don’t understand & to be honest must be sick of me being ok for a few weeks then bang I’m back to the beginning again feeling desperate
I’ve had CBT, which finished in august
( was by phone due to COVID)
When I’m 75% well l can put into practice the methods l was taught but when I’m rock bottom l can’t seem to find the determination or courage
I just want to lie in bed & sleep
Does anyone else relate to this ? X

 

[GeminiMoon]

Yes been there. It's really hard to be in a constant state of fear and unrest.

I read this article about anxiety. It puts a person in state of fight or flight ready for the worst to happen. For me it was pretty much everything. The article gave an example of a woman married to an alcoholic. Everyday on her way home from work she would hope he wouldn't be drunk which made her really anxious. When she'd get home he was drunk, and then she'd feel disappointment. So the psych taught her to accept that he was going to be drunk before going home. So if he was drunk she'd expect it. If he wasn't she'd be pleasantly suprised. Not that being pessimistic is the way to go. If it is a daily disappointment it can be better to expect it.

I know from experience it's 100x easier said than done. Basically it's accepting the anxiety instead of fighting it. The idea made me anxious. Because I then thought if I don't have any anxiety I won't have the fight or flight instinct to react if something bad did happen. But i'm still aware and on guard in case. If something does make me anxious the anxiety doesn't last that long.

 

[Julie41]

Yes been there. It's really hard to be in a constant state of fear and unrest.

I read this article about anxiety. It puts a person in state of fight or flight ready for the worst to happen. For me it was pretty much everything. The article gave an example of a woman married to an alcoholic. Everyday on her way home from work she would hope he wouldn't be drunk which made her really anxious. When she'd get home he was drunk, and then she'd feel disappointment. So the psych taught her to accept that he was going to be drunk before going home. So if he was drunk she'd expect it. If he wasn't she'd be pleasantly suprised. Not that being pessimistic is the way to go. If it is a daily disappointment it can be better to expect it.

I know from experience it's 100x easier said than done. Basically it's accepting the anxiety instead of fighting it. The idea made me anxious. Because I then thought if I don't have any anxiety I won't have the fight or flight instinct to react if something bad did happen. But i'm still aware and on guard in case. If something does make me anxious the anxiety doesn't last that long.

Thank you for your reply
I am a terrible worrier & dweller -
I can honestly say in the last year Ive been at absolute rock bottom with anxiety/depression & the many physical symptoms that go with anxiety
I would say the best I’ve been is 75%
ok on good days but they can be few & far between - at the moment my anxiety level is high but also l have low mood - it’s as though l have no fight left
And I’m sure you realise you certainly need to fight to get yourself relatively well again
I have so much to look forward to - but it doesn’t seem to matter as l can’t find any enthusiasm
I can’t eat at the moment as I’m so nauseous
Thank you once again x

 

[GhostOfLenin]

For the last few days I’ve felt anxiety raising its ugly head again
Been quite busy trying to get Christmas presents sorted & overthinking & worrying about COVID which l presume is a trigger - I never know !!
Tea time yesterday I felt bad - felt like my blood was boiling ( like a burning inside) felt very nauseous & wanted the loo quickly- felt lightheaded & shaky too
Could not eat - felt anxious all night & couldn’t concentrate on anything other than this evil anxiety
Went to bed listening to some body scan meditation - slept for a few hours - dreaming again - woke up feeling the same - listened to more meditation but was virtually impossible to concentrate as my mind was everywhere with negative thoughts
Feeling anxious but also down ( not sure how that works) don’t have any strength & everything looks very gloomy
Not sure if l have the willpower to get through another episode of this cruel demon- hate being on my own - my family don’t understand & to be honest must be sick of me being ok for a few weeks then bang I’m back to the beginning again feeling desperate
I’ve had CBT, which finished in august
( was by phone due to COVID)
When I’m 75% well l can put into practice the methods l was taught but when I’m rock bottom l can’t seem to find the determination or courage
I just want to lie in bed & sleep
Does anyone else relate to this ? X

Your not alone. Anxiety and stress are terrible things to deal with xx

 

[GeminiMoon]

Oh yea. When I was in the worst of it not much anyone could say that would of helped. Took years before I could. I totally understand. It's great that you feel positivity about the future. That's a good sign.

 

[Julie41]

Oh yea. When I was in the worst of it not much anyone could say that would of helped. Took years before I could. I totally understand. It's great that you feel positivity about the future. That's a good sign.

Hi
Did you suffer with a lot of physical symptoms with anxiety - sometimes it is so scary & devastating-
Are you ok now or do you still suffer with anxiety

 

[GeminiMoon]

Yes. I even moved half way across the country to avoid something that was never likely to happen. I also was attacked. I'd already had a fear of knives and pretty much a nervous wreck. I was living with someone at the time who had bpd I think. They would scream at me for 3 days straight. We'd stop to eat and go to bed together then start all over again. They'd threaten to hurt me in my sleep. After 3 days they'd leave. But I'd feel like I was nothing without them. So they'd come back and we were like best friends when they were in a good mood. When I finally got the courage to not accept them back I was a total mess.

Now the symptoms are mostly gone.

 

[Brielle]

i am so sorry to that and i totally understand your pain..it is impossible to get out of anxiety without help and staying under the same grey clouds makes life so worse.. well that is how anxiety and depression mess up everything but as a matter of fact human brain has the capability to reverse this alter state of mind.. if you want to help it own your own try breathing exercises and talking therapy...otherwise consulting a therapist is the ultimate best option if your depression is getting over you..