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Feeling alone

Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Hello everyone, I’m new to this. I am feeling so alone and that no one in my family understands me. I have no friends outside my family, as I find relationships too painful to cope with. I feel like I’m a hopeless case and I’ll never be free of BPD. I can’t cope with my change in emotions and my moods are so erratic. If anyone is there, please reach out.
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
464
Location
Uk
Hey Olivia. I hope you are able to feel a bit more understood on here and less alone.
I also struggle with the changes in my emotions and cant deal with relationships.
I have found ways to cope though and feel more content within myself so I hope you can too eventually.

You're definitely not a hopeless case though :hug:
 
H

Helen73

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
149
Location
Birkenhead, Wirral
Hi Olivia. Welcome to the forum. You will find plenty of people here who feel the same way you do and will understand you - me included! xxx
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Hey Olivia. I hope you are able to feel a bit more understood on here and less alone.
I also struggle with the changes in my emotions and cant deal with relationships.
I have found ways to cope though and feel more content within myself so I hope you can too eventually.

You're definitely not a hopeless case though :hug:
Hello and thank you so much for replying to me!

I’m so glad someone out there is able to understand what I’m going through. How have you managed to cope? I am on the waiting for DBT therapy, have you engaged in this at all? Xx
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Hi Olivia. Welcome to the forum. You will find plenty of people here who feel the same way you do and will understand you - me included! xxx
Hi Helen, thank you so much for replying to me. I have been diagnosed with BPD for a little while now but have battled with depression and anxiety for years. The relationship between me and my mum has completely broken down. She claims she can’t deal with me anymore and all the drama. That really hurt me and lead me to be filled with rage. I am finding it uncontrollable when I’m in a state of rage, as I smash things and throw things. It feels totally out of my power and then the guilt and shame kicks in. Me and my mum used to be so close, but the decline in my mental health has affected our relationship. She said the family don’t know how to handle me or what to say. That then reinforces my belief that I’m alone and hopeless. Xxx
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
464
Location
Uk
Hello and thank you so much for replying to me!

I’m so glad someone out there is able to understand what I’m going through. How have you managed to cope? I am on the waiting for DBT therapy, have you engaged in this at all? Xx
I havent done any DBT that I know of. I have heard it is really good and helpful. Mindfulness worked with me a lot. I try to be very aware of myself and my moods so that I can see when I have been triggered. When I know the trigger and how I react, I can work on that.
I have not figured out how to deal with romantic relationships or friendships though as it seems every trigger hits me all at once and I just get overwhelmed.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
850
Location
Norfolk
Hello everyone, I’m new to this. I am feeling so alone and that no one in my family understands me. I have no friends outside my family, as I find relationships too painful to cope with. I feel like I’m a hopeless case and I’ll never be free of BPD. I can’t cope with my change in emotions and my moods are so erratic. If anyone is there, please reach out.
Try not to worry too much as everyone suffering with BPD has exactly the same thoughts, feelings and emotions as you do. Nobody is a hopeless case as with therapy you can learn to control your emotions such that you can lead a relatively normal and productive life. However, there are long waiting lists for things like DBT therapy so my advice is to get yourself some self help books to help you in the interim. Personally I’ve found The Mindful way through depression by Kabat Zinn and Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen very helpful. It may also be advisable that your mother gets herself a self help book to learn how to live with someone with BPD, as this would ensure she is mindful in her conversations with you so your moods are not triggered.
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Hi Lunus, thank you so much for your reply. This is very helpful to me and I will suggest to my mum that she buys a book so she can have something to guide her I guess. Do you have BPD? I am not sure how long the waiting list for DBT is, but my care coordinator has said I’m on the list. She told me that you have to be assessed before being accepted into the course, as it may not be right for me. I just hope I’m suitable for it, as I’ve been told one to one therapy just isn’t enough, especially only once a week. At least with DBT it’s twice a week and you have a mixture of both one to one and group therapy. BPD makes me feel so alone and so abnormal. I hate the way I react to things, but it feels so out of my control. I feel like my family just don’t get me.
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
I havent done any DBT that I know of. I have heard it is really good and helpful. Mindfulness worked with me a lot. I try to be very aware of myself and my moods so that I can see when I have been triggered. When I know the trigger and how I react, I can work on that.
I have not figured out how to deal with romantic relationships or friendships though as it seems every trigger hits me all at once and I just get overwhelmed.
Confusedandanxious I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have been with my partner for 6 years but the last couple of years have been so unstable, especially with my mental health. I’ve cut any friends I did have out of my life, as I become so overwhelmed with things and think people don’t have the time for me and are rejecting me. The same pattern has happened in previous jobs I’ve had. Do you find this as well? I’ve been in and out of jobs because I’ve either got too involved with a colleague or I cannot deal with changes in the workplace. My solution is to just run away. That’s all I’ve known. I’ve not worked now since February last year. I just can’t handle normal situations. Do you feel the same?
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
464
Location
Uk
Confusedandanxious I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have been with my partner for 6 years but the last couple of years have been so unstable, especially with my mental health. I’ve cut any friends I did have out of my life, as I become so overwhelmed with things and think people don’t have the time for me and are rejecting me. The same pattern has happened in previous jobs I’ve had. Do you find this as well? I’ve been in and out of jobs because I’ve either got too involved with a colleague or I cannot deal with changes in the workplace. My solution is to just run away. That’s all I’ve known. I’ve not worked now since February last year. I just can’t handle normal situations. Do you feel the same?
Yes. Exactly the same. I worked so hard to get myself in the right mindset to get a job. I lasted a couple of year and was doing great. They added another member of staff to work in my area, so there was 3 of us instead of 2. It sent me to shit. I couldn't cope, couldn't manage, felt overly paranoid and completely unstable. I got put on the sick and havent been able to even face thinking about another job. It makes me feel feelings I dont want to feel and I avoid it.

You can try mindfulness on your own while you wait for DBT. It's really good. The law of attraction as well
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
850
Location
Norfolk
Hi Lunus, thank you so much for your reply. This is very helpful to me and I will suggest to my mum that she buys a book so she can have something to guide her I guess. Do you have BPD? I am not sure how long the waiting list for DBT is, but my care coordinator has said I’m on the list. She told me that you have to be assessed before being accepted into the course, as it may not be right for me. I just hope I’m suitable for it, as I’ve been told one to one therapy just isn’t enough, especially only once a week. At least with DBT it’s twice a week and you have a mixture of both one to one and group therapy. BPD makes me feel so alone and so abnormal. I hate the way I react to things, but it feels so out of my control. I feel like my family just don’t get me.
Yes I have BPD. You are not abnormal you are just someone who feels intense emotions. If you want some perspective, someone without BPD will feel pain whereas you will feel as though you are truly suffering. On the other end of the scale people are happy whereas we tend to be elated. Basically we only operate at either end of the emotional scale. Also people without BPD will feel emotions for only seconds whereas people with BPD will feel their emotions for hours, even days.
On your care, if you have BPD then DBT is suitable! I’m assuming that by putting you through am assessment it will be months (probably many) before you get a place on a course. So, help yourself in the interim. Get the books I mentioned, I got them in Audio format. Look through my previous posts as well as others who are doing DBT and search the Internet. There’s lots of information to guide you. If you have had enough of suffering and want to recover..you can!
For your mother I suggest getting the book Loving someone with BPD by Shari Y. Manning. My wife bought it and our relationship improved enormously.
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Hi Lunus, wow that is amazing info you’ve given me. I absolutely want to recover but know it’s not going to be easy and it will take some time. I will google the books you’ve suggested now. :thanks:So much!
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Yes. Exactly the same. I worked so hard to get myself in the right mindset to get a job. I lasted a couple of year and was doing great. They added another member of staff to work in my area, so there was 3 of us instead of 2. It sent me to shit. I couldn't cope, couldn't manage, felt overly paranoid and completely unstable. I got put on the sick and havent been able to even face thinking about another job. It makes me feel feelings I dont want to feel and I avoid it.

You can try mindfulness on your own while you wait for DBT. It's really good. The law of attraction as well
It comforts me knowing that I’m talking to someone who can empathise greatly with what I’m going through. You can only return to work when you absolutely feel able to. May I ask what you do in your spare time to help you get through each day? This is what I struggle with. Knowing how to keep myself occupied. I have 2 guinea pigs which are my primary focus and they have been a godsend! Mindfulness and mediation have always been recommended, do you listen to this or do you read books on it? I hope you don’t mind me asking these questions. Please let me know if it’s too personal
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
464
Location
Uk
It comforts me knowing that I’m talking to someone who can empathise greatly with what I’m going through. You can only return to work when you absolutely feel able to. May I ask what you do in your spare time to help you get through each day? This is what I struggle with. Knowing how to keep myself occupied. I have 2 guinea pigs which are my primary focus and they have been a godsend! Mindfulness and mediation have always been recommended, do you listen to this or do you read books on it? I hope you don’t mind me asking these questions. Please let me know if it’s too personal
Ask away. I am always happy to help in any way I can.
I have kids, and a few animals that make up for a lot of my time. I do love photography though, it helps me see the world through different eyes. It helps me see the beauty in things which is great during those low times.
My dogs helped me socialise massively. I can get to know people, but as soon as I leave the walk those people are left behind until another day. I kind of made friends without the pressure of a friendship, which suits me down to the ground as I never fully attach.
This has dipped during my current depressive episode and I'm avoiding people like the plague, but I keep trying to push myself to doing little things each day.

Mindfulness I read up on it, listened to videos about it on youtube etc. Then the law of attraction works alongside that really, I would listen to guided meditation for law of attraction on a night time while going to sleep.

I'm glad you have your Guinea pigs. Animals really are a huge help and great to have around :)
 
Olivia93

Olivia93

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
33
Location
England
Thank you so much and I’m here to help in any way I can as well :love: do you find your children help distract you as well? It sounds like you have a lot of really productive things you like to do. How are things for you at the moment? Do you take any medication for BPD? I know there isn’t a medication specially for this disorder, but I’ve been advised by my psychiatrist to take a certain medication. I’m already on 3, but feel the meds are not benefitting my sleep, definitely not my mood. How do you find relationships with your family? Mine seem to be falling apart. I’m up and down like a yo yo. I fluctuate from loving that person, to then hating that person. The feelings are so intense. Do you find this as well?
 
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