Feeling a little all over the place

[Rh2832]

I’m kind of all over the place at the moment. I have been feeling really content, started a new job, money worries gone, in my last year of university and not stressing too much about the work load, enjoying a lot of it. Feel positive about the future, starting a new More permanent ‘proper’ job when I finish uni And moving into my own place. But just occasionally getting these moments of feeling down, or maybe not even down, just a bit empty.. just thinking a lot about life and relationships and although I’m happily single now I don’t know if I’m going to be ok if that ends up being forever. I’m home alone tonight and I love time to myself but I just feel A bit odd tonight about the prospect of living alone and spending most evenings like this (I have been really focused and looking forward to living alone, having done lots of house shares and currently living with my parents).

Although not feeling depressed and having the dark days I have had in the past.. I have been having some signs of those darker thoughts and moments. Thinking lots about suicide due to hearing about it a lot in the news or through social media (people I vaguely know losing people to suicide). I don’t WANT to do it and I don’t feel like I want it all to end but the thought just crossed my mind sometimes, like I’m curious about it now, and it scares me a little. I’m almost convinced that’s the way I’m going to go.
Just wanted to rant and didn’t want to talk about it with people I know friends or family as like I said I’ve been so content! This morning I woke up feeling very sad and glum and then by the afternoon I was super happy again! Feeling really positive. Now.. I feel weird and a bit down again.

anyway, it would be nice to hear some thoughts on this, if anyone else have felt the same, any ideas of how to stabilise my mood a little? Can’t really cope with this up and down

 

[Tawny]

I do feel the same unfortunately. I don't even know if it is normal for people who have not had depression. I know when i am hypomanic (i have bipolar disorder) i don't ever feel like this, but at the moment, this time of year, it feels as you describe.

I wonder if it is a lack of people, children, something to keep you busy. I feel often that we could all feel empty, vacant, lacking, sparse, if we were not forced to get the kids bathed, fed, bed. I don't have children, i do lots of craft hobbies, play instruments, have the cat, but it is all very monotonous and what's the point.

Suicide, i understand what you say about not wanting to do anything, just do something, maybe i think about getting drunk and taking something to change how i feel. Is that your thinking? Maybe we need to run down to the sea in a bikini and swim under the moon swim far, wake up! feel something.