Feel very alone...

T

themountaineer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#1
It is strange, I have good social network of friends, but I feel so alone ..People always ask how my wife is doing, I am bored of telling the distorted truth ...and just continue of the usual ..."yeah you know she has her good days and bad days", fuck I mean they must be bored of hearing that from me .... But telling them what really goes on does not make it any easy for me or her ...the usual vacuous "if there is anything we can do" response is often heard. All her friends have as good as deserted her now she has her "illness"....although to her face, they are ..."I really miss you, we should spend some quality time with each other soon, I'll call you"....and when she tries to arrange something, they usually have something on, or cancel plans. I am generalising a bit here, as some friends are ok, but I have seen new sides to people that I did not know.

My wife has psychosis, diagnosis for what it is worth is depression with psychotic features. I have been supporting her both financially and emotionally over the last few years, and I give as much love as I humanly can. But I just feel so lost and alone in my relationship, I don't feel the love in return physically or emotionally, it all seems one way traffic at the moment. How long can that continue I don't know. As selfish as it sounds, I just want to go off and do things on my own, go to gigs, festivals...it is just easier as I don't have to spend the time with one eye on my wife worry if she is ok. I feel horrible for saying that...but its the truth.

Anyway ...just wanted to get that off my chest

My heart goes out to all you carers....its is a tough gig this.
 
A

arwen

Guest
#2
It is strange, I have good social network of friends, but I feel so alone ..People always ask how my wife is doing, I am bored of telling the distorted truth ...and just continue of the usual ..."yeah you know she has her good days and bad days", fuck I mean they must be bored of hearing that from me .... But telling them what really goes on does not make it any easy for me or her ...the usual vacuous "if there is anything we can do" response is often heard. All her friends have as good as deserted her now she has her "illness"....although to her face, they are ..."I really miss you, we should spend some quality time with each other soon, I'll call you"....and when she tries to arrange something, they usually have something on, or cancel plans. I am generalising a bit here, as some friends are ok, but I have seen new sides to people that I did not know.

My wife has psychosis, diagnosis for what it is worth is depression with psychotic features. I have been supporting her both financially and emotionally over the last few years, and I give as much love as I humanly can. But I just feel so lost and alone in my relationship, I don't feel the love in return physically or emotionally, it all seems one way traffic at the moment. How long can that continue I don't know. As selfish as it sounds, I just want to go off and do things on my own, go to gigs, festivals...it is just easier as I don't have to spend the time with one eye on my wife worry if she is ok. I feel horrible for saying that...but its the truth.

Anyway ...just wanted to get that off my chest

My heart goes out to all you carers....its is a tough gig this.
Leave her like her friends have. Depressed people are quite used to that don't you know. you can gig and travel as much as you like then. Sure she'll be sad but that's nothing new to depressives. I can tell you that from personal perspective. Her psychosis is likely to keep her company and that is just swell.
 
T

themountaineer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#4
Leave her like her friends have. Depressed people are quite used to that don't you know. you can gig and travel as much as you like then. Sure she'll be sad but that's nothing new to depressives. I can tell you that from personal perspective. Her psychosis is likely to keep her company and that is just swell.
Well you see we have this thing called love..... and all the time I have love in my heart for my wife, I see no reason to leave her. If that dies out completely then yes that is the only option. I can still go to gigs and festivals on my own or with friends, I just miss the good company of wife, her mental state has changed that dynamic.
 
G

Georgia May

Guest
#5
I don't know why my ex stayed with me as long as he did to be honest. I suppose it was love. I would say that it's the illness that is the problem, not your wife.

I think it's only natural to feel the way you do sometimes but you obviously love her or you wouldn't have stuck around. I would say you're doing well. People in so called 'normal' relationships go through periods similar to that too, it's not hearts and flowers for anyone, although I know it's not the same.

Does your wife take medication for her psychosis and depression? Sometimes that can leave you emotionally flat and disinterested in anything, certainly sex. I'm not saying she shouldn't take them, just to be aware of that. I'm sorry if I'm telling you something you already know, I'm new here and I see you've been here a while.

You shouldn't feel bad and as I say it's perfectly natural to have those feelings but you haven't walked away, because you love her. All couples have their problems (not to trivialise psychotic depression).

Hugs. :hug5:
 
T

themountaineer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#6
I would say that it's the illness that is the problem, not your wife.


Does your wife take medication for her psychosis and depression? Sometimes that can leave you emotionally flat and disinterested in anything, certainly sex. I'm not saying she shouldn't take them, just to be aware of that. I'm sorry if I'm telling you something you already know, I'm new here and I see you've been here a while.


Hugs. :hug5:
Thanks for the reply

I 100% agree on the illness being the problem and not my wife... we have had 17 good years together until her illness developed, the last three have been different, good and bad.

Yes she does take anti-psychotics, she stopped taking anti-depressants about 4 months ago. She does describe the medication leaves her emotionally flat and has no appetite for sex. Last year she stopped taking the anti-psychotics, and within a few weeks was almost re-admitted to hospital as she spiralled.

I remind myself things can be a lot worse, so I just get on with it. But the emotional side takes over from time to time, and I get low myself. I just get fed up of peoples reactions around mental health problems, such a lack of understanding out there, even amongst our friends. Just makes things more challenging in social situations.

Anyway fuck it ... we fight on !
 
G

Georgia May

Guest
#7
It sounds like you are doing fine. People are ignorant and while some are ok with depression if you mention psychosis they are frightened off. The thing to remember is it's not really their fault as there's no education on the subject and the word 'psychotic' is conflated with aggressiveness, violence and murder, and while there is some truth in this regarding a few people, on the whole it is erroneous. People who are violent with psychosis tend to have been violent before their symptoms started.

I could go on about that but it is missing the point, the point is you understand and care enough to understand your wife's illness and you know how and why it affects her the way it does, and you accept her warts and all as she does you. I don't think you should feel bad about wanting to do things on your own, though, I think being in each other's pockets can often do more harm than good in a relationship and if you need 'time out' that's normal. If your wife is ok with it then there is no problem. It depends also if you think she would be ok on her own. You should maybe tell her you feel this way, you will know whether it's a good idea or not. What about family, could she arrange to stay with them if you go away? Only you can know how she would react to this information. But I personally think it's healthy to not be with other all of the time and can be beneficial to relationships. When I was with my ex we didn't spend much time with anyone else and I don't think it helped, so I would say it's a good idea. As long as your wife trusts you which of course is essential in relationships too. There are plenty of relationships where neither partner has mental health issues and trust is a real problem which ruins it. You seem to be a relatively strong unit compared to many partners who don't have your such issues to cope with.

As I say only you can know how she would react.

Good luck.

:hug5:
 
C

curlz

Guest
#8
I feel like this right now about my life and my partner,,, �� believe me, you are not alone,, x
 
T

themountaineer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#9
I feel like this right now about my life and my partner,,, �� believe me, you are not alone,, x
It often feels like it though ..... I have not engaged in local carers groups yet, as they all seem to run during working hours. And I have the added complication of my my being a mental health worker herself. So she does not want it known to her peers what she is going through, and most of these groups she is known to them. I am considering starting my own group somehow.
 
T

themountaineer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#10
It sounds like you are doing fine. People are ignorant and while some are ok with depression if you mention psychosis they are frightened off. The thing to remember is it's not really their fault as there's no education on the subject and the word 'psychotic' is conflated with aggressiveness, violence and murder, and while there is some truth in this regarding a few people, on the whole it is erroneous. People who are violent with psychosis tend to have been violent before their symptoms started.

I could go on about that but it is missing the point, the point is you understand and care enough to understand your wife's illness and you know how and why it affects her the way it does, and you accept her warts and all as she does you. I don't think you should feel bad about wanting to do things on your own, though, I think being in each other's pockets can often do more harm than good in a relationship and if you need 'time out' that's normal. If your wife is ok with it then there is no problem. It depends also if you think she would be ok on her own. You should maybe tell her you feel this way, you will know whether it's a good idea or not. What about family, could she arrange to stay with them if you go away? Only you can know how she would react to this information. But I personally think it's healthy to not be with other all of the time and can be beneficial to relationships. When I was with my ex we didn't spend much time with anyone else and I don't think it helped, so I would say it's a good idea. As long as your wife trusts you which of course is essential in relationships too. There are plenty of relationships where neither partner has mental health issues and trust is a real problem which ruins it. You seem to be a relatively strong unit compared to many partners who don't have your such issues to cope with.

As I say only you can know how she would react.

Good luck.

:hug5:

Hi Georgia

My job takes me away from him several times in a month, so we are quite used to having time apart, which I agree strengthens relationships. I just have to try and stop feeling guilty about wanting my own pleasures in life, I don't want to look back in twenty years time and realise I wasted all that time. I think I need to just do things, if my wife is up for it then great, if she is not, than I shall just go and do it anyway, as selfish as that sounds, I need some happiness in my life, otherwise I'll be on the meds next !
 

Similar threads