Feel so stuck

[moving_tree_stump]

I am feeling so incredibly stuck. There is too much to explain but I just can not stop doing things wrong and disappointing my wife. I feel like I can change and improve but then I'm just too lazy to actually make any positive changes. For example, I know that regular meditation is good for me but I only ever do it for a week or two and then it drifts off.

My wife then gets pissed that I haven't followed through with something I promised again and I get defensive or just completely shut down emotionally. Then the whole thing repeats again and again!!

 

[Miho]

Maybe you are being to hard on yourself. I am wondering if its you yourself that thinks you are doing everything wrong and are dissapointing your wife or did she tell you?

I do it too. Think I do everything wrong and let people down. But with your wife maybe you could ask her?

 

[moving_tree_stump]

Thanks for responding. She has said many times that she feels disappointed in me and hurt by me a significant amount of the time.

 

[Miho]

I am so sorry to hear that. That must be so hard to hear.

One thing I have noticed with my disorders is that my mind can play tricks on me. Either because of guilt or wanting to please the other person.

Is it possible to give some example?
I dont mean to intrude or pri. So Please dont feel like I am forcing you to do so. Its all ok

 

[moving_tree_stump]

Well, we're in the process of moving house and I've been coordinating a lot of it. We've agreed that I'll tell her as soon as I find out anything from the solicitors for example. So we got an email today in the afternoon and I forgot to tell her about it until it came up on a zoom call in the evening. These small things have happened a lot of times so she gets really pissed. I feel bad because it should have been such an easy thing for me to have done. But in feeling bad about it I feel more self pity than I do empathy for her. This just makes the situation spiral down

 

[celticlass]

Can I ask do you have depression? It does result in lack of motivation and forgetfulness in some instances.

 

[moving_tree_stump]

Can I ask do you have depression? It does result in lack of motivation and forgetfulness in some instances.

Well I've always been quite forgetful and definitely lazy but yeah, I've had depression on and off for a few years. So you're right that it's probably part of the issue here.

 

[celticlass]

Yes it possibly is and of course moving house is very stressful. Take it easy and I hope house move goes well.

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

sending love x

 

[POB]

Please, give yourself a break. Saying these hurtful things about yourself will make you feel worse. You don't sound like a lazy person to me. Can you talk to your psychiatrist or therapist?