Feel so rubbish I can't do this

[Jisatsu]

I saw my counsellor today again. I've been feeling "ok" and I'm on week 5 of my citalopram.. but listening to my counsellor and having her ask me "When were you last happy?" "Think about what is making you so down" just made me feel rubbish.

I thought about the fact that I lied to my doctor about suicidal feelings and that my self harm was sometimes half attempts at ending my life.. I haven't told my counsellor about the suicidal thoughts. I can't possibly talk about them. It just makes the feelings so much more intense and I feel so sick and it hurts to feel so down it makes me want to end it all.

After this year, I see no life for myself. I honestly think in a year or so I will end it all. It's the only thing I see happening in my future. Sooner or later I'm going to snap.

 

[Angels]

ive talked about my suicidal feelings but nothings feeling better. they dumped me on meds and im having all these teams working with me. i cant see a light at the end of a tunnel too.
just thought id let you know that your not alone, but im sorry i cant offer any advice. people say things will get better but they havent so far and i dont know if they ever will. but do what i do, keep fighting because some day it might be worth it.
Wishing you all the best
han x

 

[DELATEXT]

You cannot give up you are so young and have a good life a head of you , you have a loving boy friend and lots to live for !!
Trust your medical team they cannot help you unless you let them !!
Do not give in damn it !!
You deserve better you are worthy and fight for yourself, f##k it , the pain is your enemy !!
You are way more than this emptiness ??

 

[DELATEXT]

Please, please get help asap, you are to young to be consumed by this hell ??
Help is there for you , but you must trust them, otherwise their hands are tied ??
Speak to your doctor about all your fears and worries then they can help you !!

 

[Jisatsu]

Thank you for the reply. I don't know what to do at the moment. I want the world to swallow me up.

 

[Lil]

I know it feels hopeless at the moment but a lot can happen in a year. Please tell your doctor/councellor about the self harming and suicidal thoughts. They can't help you with that if they don't know about it. I know it'll bring up a lot of emotion and will be hard but I'm sure you can do it

 

[Jisatsu]

I want to run away I can't do this anymore. Although I always say this and I'm too fucking scared to end it all. Why can't I end it all? I just want to go

 

[DELATEXT]

You must get help !!!!
Being terrified is so awful, but no one can do this but you ???
You either stay trapped by the fear !!
Or you take that very difficult step and talk to your doctor, be brutally honest !!
Tell them exactly how you feel ??
So they can help you deal with this torment ???