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Feel on verge of breakdown

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notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
I was once asked by a therapist if I would speak to a friend or treat a friend th way I treat myself I said no ,she said that I needed to be nicer to myself and treat myself like I would treat a friend !So doing little things for yourself eg A haircut, a pamper,movie and a really nice meal whatever would cheer you up I even buy myself flowers sometimes !Try not to do everything at once maybe just clear an area at a time in your flat ,also ask your flatmate to help out with a bit of cleaning ! Maybe once u have had this deep clean you could come up with a rota so that you booth contribute towards keep ing the flat tidy !
Thanks, this is something I've been thinking too. I have money nowadays and I never take myself clothes shopping or to get my hair cut. I was looking back on pictures of myself as a teenager/early 20s the other day and was shocked at how much more attractive I looked :/ I just made more effort then. And that's going to make you feel better, right? I had MH problems at the time - more severe ones than now, tbh - but I can remember how beautiful I felt and that I used to take a lot of pride in getting myself ready in the morning and really held my head up high when I was out and about. So I thought, next weekend (no time this weekend), I'll go out shopping and buy myself new clothes and I'll get rid of the old ones that are getting a bit scruffy, and that will help too.
 
S

Stray

Guest
Thanks :) Really sweet of you to ask!

So I'm basically going to try and stop myself from using the internet so much since so much time gets swallowed by it. When I didn't have internet at home, I had to make my own entertainment when I was bored and I was really productive and really "had a life", if you see what I mean. I think just having a life gives you a sense of pride.

The things I used to do when I was bored include:
1) Write music
2) Make clothes
3) Craft or make things by hand just for the sake of it (I made a recipe book, for example)
4) Go to the cinema
5) Read a book
6) Go for a walk
7) Go to art galleries or events
8) Go to live music gigs
9) Learn new things (so languages, or new skills, or - I guess I'll need the internet for this - but Coursera courses and stuff).

All that stuff has fallen away as I've got older. Partly because I work and have less time and energy, but also partly because I come home and get suckered into the internet instead of living. I know I'm going to feel better about myself and about my life if I start using my time to actually do things instead, like reading, and creating things, and going out to see things. So that's my basic plan :) If you have to create your own entertainment, you do it, and you find fun things to do.

I think I need to get more social too, but I was thinking maybe I can think of which friends might want to do this stuff with me. I already go to the cinema once a week with one of my friends (we are both big film buffs so we sit around and have dinner and analyse the film afterwards, which I love!); and I was at a friend's house last night to crochet and have a chat. Next week I'm taking a couple of friends to a place where you paint your own pottery. We've been a few times before and it's always fun. I used to organise monthly hikes with a group of friends but need to get back on that. I also think I should just keep my eye out for gigs I'd like to see because I don't mind going alone, and I could always try inviting people too to see if they like it.

Part of the reason everything fell away is because I work outside of work. I have a dayjob, then I have my career - a creative career I'm working on (this is the potential six week contract if I get it...working for a broadcaster in a creative capacity). I need my life to be a bit less about work, though, so I'm still going to set aside an hour a day to do what I want to do with my career, but I'm going to use the other hours to be doing stuff I enjoy.

Oh, also, travelling. I want see Eastern Europe so I'm going to start having city breaks at the weekends.
Inspiring. Hope all works out. I wish I'd been able to keep friends. Company is precious. Your plans sound great. But remember sleep too xx
 
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Edgard

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2016
Messages
5
1 - Stress and anxiety tend to grow as we get older, work, bills, death approaching and stuff. One thing we often forget is to get our body moving. Is to make a routine where we exercise daily or almost daily.

We NEED THAT! We need that endorphin. We need that dopamine. Our body need it so our mind can rest, relax, get relief.

So... a little tip. Find room in your routine for EXERCISE. And I mean, find a way to get your BODY exhausted! I believe you'll find results in 1-2 days doing so!

2 - How the heck we grow older and more intelligent and we don't schedule our busy days, weeks, months...? The fact that we're living in an automated mess is harming. We need to organize and declutter our lives and minds.

Start by trying to schedule all your activities within a week (body workout included... and remember: you mest get your body really tired and sweat a lot! {I like to do it at evening our end of afternoon}).

Try to follow that schedule and do worry if you have to change one thing or two after planning it.


3 - Internet, smartphone, TV, social media. If you use them too much try to keep away from it for a while, or reduce the usage drastically. Tell me how it feels!


Cheers and waiting to hear from you!
 
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notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
^I agree that exercise works wonders. I cycle 10 miles a day (to and from work) and the days I am working from home and don't get to cycle I feel much worse.
 
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Edgard

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2016
Messages
5
Yeah, notreal... Get really serious about exercising. For the rest of your life, I recommend :)
 
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notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
Yeah, notreal... Get really serious about exercising. For the rest of your life, I recommend :)
I don't want to push it any further than I already do. 10 miles of cycling five times a week is adequate. I recovered from eating disorders years ago but due to the compulsive exercise component of that I am very careful not to start quantifying in any way how much I do or focusing on it too much.

I do think that exercise and fresh air is important, but in my case I just need to not focus on that (or healthy eating for that matter - again, important for mental health problems, but in my case a risk to focus on it).
 
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notrealname

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Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
So: Update. I am basically managing to make it through and I think I have stemmed the worst of it. The flat is clean now, which is a bonus. The flatmate problem may have just disappeared because she's currently away and has decided she might not return. She has been offered substance abuse help, so that may have solved itself. She is also now aware of how much her drinking impacts on me.

I went out on Saturday for a meal with a friend but quickly went south and started to feel like I was going to throw up so we went back to watch some telly, away from noise and stimulation, and he made up a spare bed for me so that I could be somewhere vaguely more relaxing, with some company, which was nice. I slept sitting up because sometimes I get bad acid reflux and if I throw up while that's happening it's not very nice at all, but I still got a good rest. Then I basically spent yesterday lying on his couch being fed and watching comedy and having little naps. That definitely turned back the clock a bit on the exhaustion. Today, I am feeling bad again, however. My plan for finding the fun in life seemed good but I don't seem to be in the physical state to do so at the moment. It occurred to me eventually that what seems to drive everything is an underlying sense of inadequacy that has no real rhyme or reason (i.e. I can't think of anything I don't like about myself, it's more that I feel that I am never quite enough, or never quite achieving enough). I think the sense of never feeling 'safe' - and therefore constantly on edge and tense - is coming from the underlying shame, something I have been trying to find a way around for the last couple of years now. I'm not quite sure what can be done about shame overall - particularly if you are very aware there is no reason to feel ashamed. My 'fake it until you make it' idea has been something of a flop, so perhaps as much mindfulness as possible will help.

Really rather sick of all this, sick of feeling exhausted and unwell all of the bloody time, especially when I can tell it's all so absurd. If I can't think of one thing I don't like about myself (not that I don't have flaws, it's just I don't mind having flaws because everyone does), then why all this felt inadequacy/shame? I sort of know the reason, I know it is that my standards are very high etc., and I know the historical reason for where that has come from (parenting etc.), but none of that actually seems to make a practical difference to my life. I have understanding and awareness - I don't seem to have the majority of the communication problems they say come from shame, although I do not tend to 'mix' so remain alone probably too often - so it's frustrating. It's frustrating to read articles on shame that tell you to try not to blame others etc., and I think 'yeah, I don't'. Do you know what I mean? Or they say something like 'accept yourself' and I'm like: "I do!" It's like the whole problem is something so vague that you can't practically approach it.

Eurgh, sorry this is just a rant. I think I'm just quite frustrated now that I feel I really put the effort in with mental health and I always try to be proactive and positive about it and do everything I can to have a normal life, but sometimes it feels like bashing your head against a brick wall.
 
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baynesm3

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2015
Messages
18
try putting some padding between your head and the brick wall. or what if the wall was styro-foam?

if you feel like your last outing was unsuccessful, think of what you might be able to do differently the next time to see more positive progress. maybe try a place you feel more comfortable in to start with, or try going to a place at a time when there will be fewer people.

give yourself recognition and praise for going out in the first place. when you feel some sort of discomfort, actually tell yourself in your own words "i love that part of myself." when you say it, say it with purpose, say it honestly and mean it. that won't make the pain magically disappear forever, but it makes a difference, especially when you do similar self-talk consistently so that you really start to believe it. there might be times when you go to do something and you feel quite a lot of discomfort. you CAN use that as an opportunity for growth. its not about perfection, its about becoming resourceful. when you get angry, let yourself know that its fine to be pissed in that situation. and then think about what you can learn from the situation, and how you can maybe use it to your benefit in the future.

this stuff takes time. be patient with yourself.
 
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notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
^Thanks. Sorry, I've been really unclear. I don't have a problem being out and about or anything (I went out last night, for example, and was fine). It's more if my body is already tense/worn out from exhaustion then the usual things (vomiting, acid, nausea, muscle weakness, feeling faint etc.) affect me and get worse if I'm in somewhere that is highly stimulating since my level of stimulation is already high.

I've learned over the years that it's best for me to listen to that feeling and go to bed/get some rest. In the past, I have thought "just anxiety" then passed out in dangerous places :) Over the years, just tried to tell the difference between 'panic attack that will go away in 10 minutes' (which means, stay put); and 'exhaustion that needs actual attention' (which means go lie down). I admit I still find it difficult to tell sometimes but generally I give it an hour or two and see what happens. If it doesn't go away/gets worse within that time I opt for exhaustion (need a rest); if it goes away/I feel better, I opt for panic (stay put).

It's a balancing act, I suppose, but I've learned to listen to what my body tells me. It's a good thing I went to bed and got some rest as it made me feel a lot better.

Like I say, I think perhaps the problem is me putting this issue under 'anxiety' when perhaps that's not what I mean, exactly. I think my major issue could be simplified as such:

Nagging feelings of insignificance (that I look away from/ignore) cause an underlying sense of pressure over the course of weeks/months, and this higher tension prevents me from resting properly. Through a process of sleep deprivation, overwork and an inability to express emotion (I can't cry or express anger, generally, so I end up ignoring my emotions (don't know what to do with them) and pushing them down), I become increasingly exhausted, as a result of which I get behind on everything (like house work, for example) and this increases my feeling inadequacy because I'm not keeping up and feel like a failure. Eventually, my body just kind of falls apart. I normally pass out or start throwing up a lot. Then I take a couple of weeks to rest, everything goes back to normal. Then repeat.

So I guess it's still anxiety, but it's less like nerves, if that makes sense, and more like a feeling of being under tons of pressure. I understand the need for most people with anxiety to stay in situations that make them uncomfortable, etc., but I actually have to go the other way, a bit. I tend to ignore the feelings I get thinking 'just anxiety, ignore it', but I miss the fact that sometimes it actually needs attention (for instance: You're exhausted and need to sleep), which leads to the passing out etc., because I'm confusing a physical need with an emotional one...if that makes sense...so I'm trying to notice the early warning signs of exhaustion and take action (go home, rest, stop working) before I end up ill and having to take a lot of time out.

Otherwise, I'm trying to find a place in my head that feels right to me (empty positive statements make everything worse...) that will help me to feel less like I just don't matter. It's not the case that I feel I don't matter to friends/family (I do matter to them, of course), it's more a feeling that I don't have any intrinsic worth, which is why I'm constantly trying to achieve very highly because I get a moment of relief from the low self worth if I do something extremely well. Of course, most people - me included - cannot do things 'extremely' well most of the time. We have our moments. So I am constantly chasing a rare moment, and making it harder for myself to reach it by getting to frantic to get there (which reduces your creativity...) Being "the clever/successful one" at some point became like the cornerstone of my entire identity, so my sense of self just kind of imploded when I left education and was no longer the "star". That was years ago now and I've not managed to find that place in my head where I can still be a worthwhile person and not 'the highest achiever'. I tend to dismiss all of my successes post-education because none of them seem quite 'successful enough' so I can't find worth in them anymore. Anyway, I'm rambling, guess I'm just trying to explain what's going on. I want to be able to find worth intrinsically instead of having to achieve very highly but I'm still in the process of working that out. Trying to just tell myself that logically I matter anyway etc. or trying to rationalise with myself leaves me empty.
 
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baynesm3

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Dec 29, 2015
Messages
18
what sorts of things do you do to make a bit of a difference in the lives of those you care about? how do you like to contribute to the greater good? what sorts of things are you excited about that are being improved for future generations and the benefit of the natural world?(better nutritional awarness, sustainable energy development)?
 
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notrealname

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Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
I'm just going to add back on this thread because I'm having a bad day and want a bit of a moan. I'm just thoroughly exhausted. Everything hurts, there's no energy in my body, I can't concentrate. I'm not particularly thinking about anything, I'm just completely shattered.

I haven't done anything or thought about anything to cause this, either. I rested through Sunday (bit of guilt anxiety at night but I got over it), felt great yesterday, had a really nice day - loads of fun - went to the cinema with my friends after work. Good mood last night, great sleep...wake up to bone-shattering exhaustion for no reason at all :( I'm thinking I might have to admit to my boss that I can't do it today and crawl back into bed, but I'm a little embarrassed. I might leave it another hour and see how I get on.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
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Sorry you feel awful this morning. Hope you feel better soon.

Mornings can be difficult I find....

Yeh and I dislike the way we can change from one day to the next.
Sending you good wishes, hope you feel better.
Unique xx


I'm just going to add back on this thread because I'm having a bad day and want a bit of a moan. I'm just thoroughly exhausted. Everything hurts, there's no energy in my body, I can't concentrate. I'm not particularly thinking about anything, I'm just completely shattered.

I haven't done anything or thought about anything to cause this, either. I rested through Sunday (bit of guilt anxiety at night but I got over it), felt great yesterday, had a really nice day - loads of fun - went to the cinema with my friends after work. Good mood last night, great sleep...wake up to bone-shattering exhaustion for no reason at all :( I'm thinking I might have to admit to my boss that I can't do it today and crawl back into bed, but I'm a little embarrassed. I might leave it another hour and see how I get on.
 
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Jessicaleanne1992

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Feb 26, 2016
Messages
38
I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to. Get well soon friend.
 
S

Stray

Guest
I'm sorry today is a bad one. There's no shame in saying "I can't do today", although I know it's hard to do. Hug xx
 
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notrealname

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Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
Thanks. I basically did no work today but I stayed 'in' work (I was working from home, though...) I'm going to just let this day go, try not to think about it, I can work tomorrow. I'm still knackered but not as bad as before. I'm going to try and do something productive with the evening (housework etc.) so I haven't just sat on my arse all day...
 
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