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Feel lost

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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
Today at 7:25 PM
I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I had lost 30 pounds in 2019 and gotten married in a dream wedding in Spain. Three months after the wedding right at the beginning of the pandemic my dearly beloved new husband decided to just leave me basically ghosted me and then when I tried to remedy things it got so terrible and nasty. After that I sold my business which was essentially my identity for 15 years. I have gained all the 30 pounds that I lost and then some I am the heaviest I have been in my life. On top of my work going to hell my marriage going to hell my parents and my only sibling totally or not supportive and I don’t speak to them now and I am completely alone I have no support no reason and no purpose. I am angry all the time and the smallest thing sets me over the edge which pushes me into binge eating and then falling asleep in front of the TV, today after a stressful call with the mortgage company I ate a whole order of eggplant Parmesan and slept the whole day please don’t tell me I need medication I just don’t know what to do I have been getting therapy and I’m not getting better if anything I’m getting worse I stopped working so that I could take care of myself but I can’t even commit myself to working out or meditating or journaling

I don’t even know if this is right forum
I have anxiety and I know eating disorders are tough.
People who are very skinny judging themselves and that is a terrible way to be however society celebrates you ( wrongly perhaps ) but when you are overweight not only do you judge yourself all of society judges you as well. As if it’s not enough that you beat yourself up so does the whole world

I tried to date how can I date when I hate myself so much who would want to be with me when I’m like this.
 
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PropertyCavalier

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Cambridgeshire
It's hard to find somebody who values you when you don't value yourself - not saying it's easy!

If I were you, I would try to write down in detail what my life would be if I continued to make poor decisions, for example. Where would you be in 5 years? Then again, write where you would be in five years if you gave your best efforts and strived to become the best version of yourself. what would that look like?

Once you'd written those down, or thought about it, try and break down how to get to the best version of yourself. This is over five years for example - you don't need to be a married, rich olympian! But what small steps could you take to being the best version of yourself? Really try to imagine it realistically. Imagine your version of success and think about how to get there in small sets.

I hope this helps? It may not, but it has helped me a lot in the past so I thought I'd share it.
 
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EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
893
Location
Orleans vermont.
I can't imagine how hard that marriage thing was. It's always been my dream to find love. I suspect it will remain a dream. I know what it's like to have self hate and feel ugly and fat. It's because I am lol. Having a massive people phobia does not help. What interests you? I may be able to direct you to something entertaining at least. I'm not sure how to motivate yourself since i share my mind with another and it takes care of that for me.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
These days the only thing I am truly interested in is sleeping and eating and tv. I love to travel but not alone :(
 
W

Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
It's hard to find somebody who values you when you don't value yourself - not saying it's easy!

If I were you, I would try to write down in detail what my life would be if I continued to make poor decisions, for example. Where would you be in 5 years? Then again, write where you would be in five years if you gave your best efforts and strived to become the best version of yourself. what would that look like?

Once you'd written those down, or thought about it, try and break down how to get to the best version of yourself. This is over five years for example - you don't need to be a married, rich olympian! But what small steps could you take to being the best version of yourself? Really try to imagine it realistically. Imagine your version of success and think about how to get there in small sets.

I hope this helps? It may not, but it has helped me a lot in the past so I thought I'd share it.
Omg I can’t thank you enough !!! I did this and it scared the living shit out of me
If I continue like this I will be morbidly obese , probably immobile, diabetes ! Heart disease joint disease and depressed and alone for sure and on a bunch of meds for mental and physical ailments !!! Yikes and Will be broke probably too !
Ahh what a scary thought

the other column looks much better- I am keeping list handy !
Thanks for this !! I really appreciate it
 

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