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Feel like persona non grata

G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
Too many meltdowns. Too much drama.

I totally understand.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
The nasty voice that had been gone for a year is back again. And it’s telling me I’m a useless piece of crap.

The irony is that I hate attention, so I’m not sure why I’m posting.

I guess I feel lost.

And I thought I had found a touchstone here, but here doesn’t feel safe anymore.

So I get why everyone has backed off.

I would, too.

It’s too much.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
I have tried four times this week to try to talk to my dad about my grandfather. And failed.

I stop myself because I don’t want to hear his response, his denial.

The last time I tried to share about the gang rape, his first response was to ask if I had been drinking.

I don’t think I could bear to her his response to this.

Somehow it would be my fault.
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
The nasty voice that had been gone for a year is back again. And it’s telling me I’m a useless piece of crap.

The irony is that I hate attention, so I’m not sure why I’m posting.

I guess I feel lost.

And I thought I had found a touchstone here, but here doesn’t feel safe anymore.

So I get why everyone has backed off.

I would, too.

It’s too much.
Please take a deep breath. These are just thoughts you are having. Remember thoughts aren’t necessarily true, they’re just thoughts. Ground yourself and wait for your feelings to change.
This place is very safe for you. 🤗
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,466
Location
UK
The nasty voice that had been gone for a year is back again. And it’s telling me I’m a useless piece of crap.

The irony is that I hate attention, so I’m not sure why I’m posting.

I guess I feel lost.

And I thought I had found a touchstone here, but here doesn’t feel safe anymore.

So I get why everyone has backed off.

I would, too.

It’s too much.
I've not backed off, hun.

Writing to you by PM xxx
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
I have tried four times this week to try to talk to my dad about my grandfather. And failed.

I stop myself because I don’t want to hear his response, his denial.

The last time I tried to share about the gang rape, his first response was to ask if I had been drinking.

I don’t think I could bear to her his response to this.

Somehow it would be my fault.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember you are only responsible for you and your behaviour. What others think is up to them and is no reflection on you, the person you are today.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
I'm not even 1/4 of the person I was in my 30s. Duck water back.

Now everything impacts me.

And drama. Self inflicted drama.

And paranoia that everyone hates me.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,466
Location
UK
Therapy is extremely hard going without a pressurised career...you're alternating between being a high-functioning professional one minute...and being thrust back into your childhood the next.
Your coping mechanism of keeping these two states separate is to wipe the mental slate clean with alcohol...eat.. sleep...repeat.

Therapy will make you feel small, vulnerable, defenceless and emotionally raw.

Nobody hates you, GI. You are highly respected here and valued.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
I am so not.

I thought I was strong.

I am so weak.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,466
Location
UK
You've been carrying a rucksack full of boulders for decades.

Needing to put that weight down now doesn't mean you aren't strong.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,634
The hard part is they're starting to pick on me over going to therapy.

I am getting the "why do go twice a week?" "It has to be exactly one hour (for lunchtime)"

So if my doctor is behind I sometimes only get 20 minute sessions.

I am going to regret this thread tomorrow, but you are right, the juggling is brutal.

So I wind up suppressing and exploding. Stupid viscous cycle.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,466
Location
UK
Get some sleep.

There'll be a Pm waiting for you in the morning. xx
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,040
Nobody backed off... youre just feeling low so youre perceiving it that people have backed off. You shouldnt regret making a thread
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
The hard part is they're starting to pick on me over going to therapy.

I am getting the "why do go twice a week?" "It has to be exactly one hour (for lunchtime)"

So if my doctor is behind I sometimes only get 20 minute sessions.

I am going to regret this thread tomorrow, but you are right, the juggling is brutal.

So I wind up suppressing and exploding. Stupid viscous cycle.
No regrets. Today is another day. You are stronger than you imagine, you are liked and well thought of. You can do this even if you think you can’t. Here’s some words for you to repeat to yourself.

I like myself
I am worthy
I matter
I can do this
I am loveable
I’m proud of myself

Be kind to yourself today. 😘
 
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