L
Lost2020
New member
I’ve had depression for years - since I was a teen so over 25yrs now. I have good and bad periods but these last few years it just seems to have been more low than good.
I’m feeling mire &more like I just don’t want to be here anymore. I won’t do anything because of my children, but it doesn’t stop me feeling this way. I feel like a failure as a mum, my eldest daughter hates me and constantly points out the fact that I can’t hold a good relationship,I wS married to the kids dad but he was abusive, I eventually left him after 16yrs, i then had a relationship that was even worse - he was a narcissist and completely broke me down. I got out of that after a couple of years with help from professionals.
Im left with ptsd on top of everything else, but had edmr which helped a bit.
im on the max dose of antidepressants which I guess help a bit, but the feelings of not wanting to be here anymore are getting more often.
I spoke to a nurse at the docs who told me to refer myself for counselling (which I haven’t done yet because of the virus).
Ive got 3 other kids at home (eldest has her own place). 2 of them have additional needs and it’s hard doing it all on my own. I can’t work due to the needs of one of mine, so we don’t have much money which means I’m always having to say no to things. When I do manage to put some aside for us to go and do anything -my older boy never wants to come. He doesn’t come out of his room and spend anytime with me at all. Yet their dad comes to take them out and he’s up, ready & happy to go.
I know it’s my own fault - I shouldn’t have stAyed in those relationships for as long as I did, and because of the ptsd I moved us all to another county as I couldn’t cope living where I was anymore - something the kids weren’t keen to do.
I just wish I could be a better mum and change everything for us, I wanted to have good relationships with my kids but it feels like I’ve failed them that much that they don’t want to be around me anymore.Part of me wants to just disappear next time they’re out with their dad, then he can have them and maybe they’ll be happier
I’m feeling mire &more like I just don’t want to be here anymore. I won’t do anything because of my children, but it doesn’t stop me feeling this way. I feel like a failure as a mum, my eldest daughter hates me and constantly points out the fact that I can’t hold a good relationship,I wS married to the kids dad but he was abusive, I eventually left him after 16yrs, i then had a relationship that was even worse - he was a narcissist and completely broke me down. I got out of that after a couple of years with help from professionals.
Im left with ptsd on top of everything else, but had edmr which helped a bit.
im on the max dose of antidepressants which I guess help a bit, but the feelings of not wanting to be here anymore are getting more often.
I spoke to a nurse at the docs who told me to refer myself for counselling (which I haven’t done yet because of the virus).
Ive got 3 other kids at home (eldest has her own place). 2 of them have additional needs and it’s hard doing it all on my own. I can’t work due to the needs of one of mine, so we don’t have much money which means I’m always having to say no to things. When I do manage to put some aside for us to go and do anything -my older boy never wants to come. He doesn’t come out of his room and spend anytime with me at all. Yet their dad comes to take them out and he’s up, ready & happy to go.
I know it’s my own fault - I shouldn’t have stAyed in those relationships for as long as I did, and because of the ptsd I moved us all to another county as I couldn’t cope living where I was anymore - something the kids weren’t keen to do.
I just wish I could be a better mum and change everything for us, I wanted to have good relationships with my kids but it feels like I’ve failed them that much that they don’t want to be around me anymore.Part of me wants to just disappear next time they’re out with their dad, then he can have them and maybe they’ll be happier