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Feel like it’s my own fault

L

Lostsoul49

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Joined
Jul 10, 2021
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19
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Chorley England
Firstly, I apologise for sounding really negative. I just need some friendly words and support at the moment.
After a good few days, the last 2 have been so down. I’ve not spoken or communicated to anyone because I feel worthless.
Everywhere I go, all I see and hear are people who appear to have everything. I was on the train and behind me were two couples who were taking about their active lives and children. All I saw when I was out were couples and families whilst I was on my own yet again with only my negative thoughts for company.
if I go on social media, everyone is having a great time visiting friends and family. They all seem to have something to live for.
The problem is that I am jealous of everyone who has something in life that I would dearly love. I would love to have a romantic partner, friends to socialise with, my own children and a home of my own.
All I have is me and I feel like such a failure. Nothing ever seems to go right and I have given up trying because I think that it should have happened now. I should have had a happy family life and made friends. Who’d want to be associated with a loser like me.
Tomorrow would have been my 17th wedding anniversary. Of course, that went wrong and I’m on my own with no hope of meeting anyone.
The thing is I do really want to start thinking there is a future. I’ve been weighed down by negativity ever since I was bullied badly as a teenager. I know what I have to do make changesI just cannot take that first step to do it.
For a change it would be lovely to write about we instead of I. I hate being alone all the time and I mean all the time yet have no confidence to make the changes.
It just feels to me that all I can see is everyone else enjoying life and moving forward whilst I drown in a sea of negativity.There just appears to be no way out.
I really wish I could just join a club or sign up to a dating site but it’s easier said than done and I’m terrified that people will just laugh and reject me as they always do! 😥
 
Bod

Bod

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for me i take each day as it comes sometimes each hour or then each minute, you are a human being and you have every right to be and feel loved and in time you will have that again i use to think people would laugh at me but now i dont care what they think as its how i feel about myself today that counts we are so great at blaming ourselfs too but try and get some positive thoughts in your head a grab them tight to hold onto in bad times.
 
D

dansell123

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Mar 25, 2021
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105
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Westport
You know, to reply to the first part of your post--people like to talk about how wonderful their lives are but many are hiding difficult feelings deep down. This is especially true of those trying to potray a happy picture perfect life on social media.

But as you allude to, loneliness is a source of deep routed depression. It might be nice to have someone to talk to (like a therapist), just so that you can express your thoughts. Another way of socializing is to do volunteer work...it gets you out of your ahead and forces you to meet new people.

Also, even if you don't have the best friend circle or life partner, do you have other family that you can call up?


Hope this helps!
 
TooMuchPain

TooMuchPain

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Feb 6, 2019
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\_(ツ)_/
I’m sorry you are struggling with this. It sucks to hear about a world that you would do anything to find if you just knew how. I hope you find a way to join a club. Because you need to get out and do things like join a club. I resisted joining a club just like you are. I think you will be surprised to see just how many people are alone and participating in a club. Everyone secretly understands each others pain. I belong to a social club that does everything from playing cards, dancing, sports, sight seeing tours, camping, basically everything you can think of. I use an app called meetup to find things to do. I really struggled showing up to stuff. I still do. Isolation leads nowhere good. Negative thinking grows fast in isolation. Life may not end up the way you wanted it to. I still hope you find a way to enjoy what you still have in front of you.

 
C

Comorbidity

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London
The problem is that I am jealous of everyone who has something in life that I would dearly love. I would love to have a romantic partner, friends to socialise with, my own children and a home of my own.

All I have is me and I feel like such a failure. Nothing ever seems to go right and I have given up trying because I think that it should have happened now.
Your unhappiness seems to stem from having been conditioned to aspire to want what other people have, and perhaps, as you have grown and developed your only failure has been not being yourself or true to yourself but rather trying to aspire to be like other people and maybe even acting like them.

You can't find happiness or self worth this way, many think they can and have, but it isn't real

The best thing you can do is be yourself, you won't meet anyone or have the things you want trying to be what you think society or any given person wants you to be.

In the UK therapists questionnaire, there's this one question they always ask and they're always surprised by my answer

"Do you feel like a failure, as though you have let yourself and your family down?"

Absolutely not, I have incredible abilities, I was raised to be a very polite, caring, sharing and considerate person who was always happy to help other people

Throughout my life, I have done these things, I have worked incredibly hard at everything I have ever done, including and especially being a good person, being honest, decent and having integrity, I have always been polite, caring, sharing and considerate and happy to help others, I have raised a great many people up and brought them out of themselves and helped them to be themselves and enjoy being themselves and to be open to experiencing and I have given a great many people many incredible and euphoric experiences also.

I was made desperately ill by a society and people that aren't capable of the majority of those things, who behave the opposite to all of those values, except for when they believe their will be something in it for them

I don't judge myself by society values, because it has no values left, I judge myself through my life as to how I have been as a person, as a human, and I have been an incredible success, the most successful I have known

Don't run yourself down and think ill of yourself based on the false values of society and the people in it, tyr and find strength and joy in being yourself and being a good and decent person
 
L

Lostsoul49

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Jul 10, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Chorley England
Today I managed to get out and have tea with some of my family. I do see them as they all live fairly close by and they are all aware of my struggles with depression. I don’t like to burden them with my problems. They have their own lives to lead.

I do live day to day although it feels more of an existence than a life. I’ve tried with groups to meet people but everyone I’ve been to, the people already appear to have friends or buddies and I end up going and leaving on my own! Maybe I just haven’t found the right group yet.

I know I am isolating myself more and more by not going out and always being by myself leads to the negative thoughts taking over. I wish I could manage them better. I’ve tried therapy but it seems a short term fix and I go back to my negative thoughts soon afterwards.

I just want to be able to like myself. I say the most awful things about myself as I’m so self critical! Things I would never say to anyone else.

perhaps I’m destined not to have the normal things of a relationship, friends and children of my own. I just want to find a way of feeling happy with my life and not this constant spiral of negativity whirling around in my head!

I wouldn’t be writing on here if I didn’t want to feel better about myself! That’s a positive start if nothing else.
 
U

Usedup

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Apr 23, 2021
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US
I hate that you feel so lonely. I was bullied in school for a couple years - 6th and 7th grade in US by other kids and even a teacher. That left me with tons of negative messages I struggle with over 40 years later! Sounds like you deal with the same thing. I hate having to do it but I have to make a choice to be kind to myself daily because I deserve it or I will default to self criticism and just beat myself up like my tormentors did.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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Jul 18, 2021
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Mordor
if I go on social media, everyone is having a great time visiting friends and family. They all seem to have something to live for.
I am happy to say that social media exists between two extremes: "EVERYTHING is great" and "EVERYTHING is bad". That's why most things are pretty people being happy or pretty/ugly people wanting to die. There is no in-between because in-between is our regular, uneventful, boring lives, everything shown is social media is fabricated. So if you are going to compare your live with something, at least compare it to something more real than social media, like Star Wars or something.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Nashua NH
for me i take each day as it comes sometimes each hour or then each minute, you are a human being and you have every right to be and feel loved and in time you will have that again i use to think people would laugh at me but now i dont care what they think as its how i feel about myself today that counts we are so great at blaming ourselfs too but try and get some positive thoughts in your head a grab them tight to hold onto in bad times.
I know how you are feeling. I am 44, no kids, never been married, no house, no car, no job. I live with my parents and receive a small give me kent income from Social Security Disability. I know I should feel like I am a loser in life, but I don’t. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a loser because that is how most people see me! Just the other day i ran into a man and I used to babysit his children. His oldest son is now married with an eleven year old, a seven year old and has a great flourishing career in a major US city and lives in an exclusive area. He is the definition of success as we in the US know it. And where am I by comparison? It is embarrassing to admit. Because I live with my parents I don’t want for companionship which is good because I have no romantic prospects and don’t even have a friend. I don’t miss them. I wouldn’t say that I have a full life but I don’t find it to be entirely empty as I have my parents. Once they are gone things will be a different story. But I understand the feeling of being a loser. This usually comes from comparing oneself to others and I guess most of the time I don’t. I hope you won’t be so hard on yourself. You are surviving and in this day and age that is accomplishment in itself. xo, j
 
Bod

Bod

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I know how you are feeling. I am 44, no kids, never been married, no house, no car, no job. I live with my parents and receive a small give me kent income from Social Security Disability. I know I should feel like I am a loser in life, but I don’t. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a loser because that is how most people see me! Just the other day i ran into a man and I used to babysit his children. His oldest son is now married with an eleven year old, a seven year old and has a great flourishing career in a major US city and lives in an exclusive area. He is the definition of success as we in the US know it. And where am I by comparison? It is embarrassing to admit. Because I live with my parents I don’t want for companionship which is good because I have no romantic prospects and don’t even have a friend. I don’t miss them. I wouldn’t say that I have a full life but I don’t find it to be entirely empty as I have my parents. Once they are gone things will be a different story. But I understand the feeling of being a loser. This usually comes from comparing oneself to others and I guess most of the time I don’t. I hope you won’t be so hard on yourself. You are surviving and in this day and age that is accomplishment in itself. xo, j

I have so many good thoughts in my mind all the time, so when I start to have a bad day I grab one and use it to my best to help me and it works sometimes plus Im working on myself every day.
 
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