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Feel like i'm slowly giving up

K

Karma117

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Jun 7, 2021
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Uk
I've had enough and really feel like i'm giving up on everything. I'm so tired and empty apart from feeling anger. I've got to the point of where i love my family but i also hate them and its hard for me to say this. Over the years ive had to be a second parent to my siblings while supporting my mom emotionally. Going through years of emotional, verbal and physical abuse when things got too out of control for them to handle. My younger years at school were not the best, bullying, physical abuse and sexual harrassment from other students and teachers. My family and workplace are both toxic and just add to this shitty feeling. I know so many people have been through so much worse and i wish i could just pull myself together, it makes me feel weak compared to how others can carry on with life and be so strong.
I keep having violent intrusive thoughts towards myself and others. I would never act on them, well i hope i wouldn't. They are hard to ignore and im getting them more frequently. In the past i have acted only on thoughts regarding myself never others such as self harm and substance abuse, failed attempts at suicide by overdosing. I don't know what to do, ive tried distracting myself with my phone, gaming consoles, tv and nothing is working. Im not finding any enjoyment in these like i would before. Sorry for ranting and venting, i think i just need to get some of this off my chest.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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It sounds like everything is spinning around your head at the moment. I am not coping well either right now, my head whirrs with this sort of thing.

I don't know the answer other than to rest as much as possible, take everything slow and eat well, keep clean.

Do you currently have too much to do in the day? I'm not sure if you are currently dealing with all of the above.

Are you close to self-harm or overdose, or are you coping ok?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Distracting is good but i feel that resting might be better. It seems better for me. Quiet, peace, nice smells like a pillow spray helps me.
 
K

Karma117

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Joined
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Messages
13
Location
Uk
Yeah my head is just racing and I'm struggling to keep up with it. Yeah I'm still dealing with all of the family and work issues along with working myself to exhaustion with housework and extra responsibilitiesmy mom puts on me. If I were to take a day to rest for myself without doing anything my parents would kick off really bad and then start putting me down.
I think when I get into this kind of head space every negative feeling and thing I have dealt with all jumbles together and kind of just spirals downwards.
I can't always help thinking about hurting myself as the pain brings a feeling of relief but I haven't done anything like that for a while its just thoughts of it. The main thing that I'm always close to doing is taking a load of pills, I have done that recently and can't honestly say I wouldn't do it again. I know it's not right and I'm waiting for my 1st counselling appointment which is soon and I know I need to go back to Dr but I'm just so drained it's hard to sometimes just get dressed and leave the house.

I'm sorry to hear that you have a lot going on in your mind too, I appreciate the support you have given me.
 
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