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feel like I'm having a break down please help

N

nicros

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
46
:scared:Hi things are still crap after a terrible year. My OH is still off teaching after 2 groin ops he is still in pain and after a year off his pay has stopped. I left teaching to bring the kids up 6 and 8, so no income there. We will get incapacity (the new one) in 3 weeks or so. But my OH's job is now on the line, as its time to review his teaching contract before the end of march school budget is needed. Anyway he only had his hernia opp 6 weeks ago and is waiting for the pain clinic to make an appointment to manage his pain enough so he can go back to work. We seem to spend all day on the phone sorting appointments and speaking to his union rep to try and buy time for Marc to get seen. He may be able to go back to work soon if they get the pain management right but we feel its a race against time before the school and LEA say he is not fit to work.
The trouble is that I suffer from GAD and depression and after a year of this and one family crisis after another and a close friends death, I am drained and stressed out. I only keep going for the kids. At the moment I resent my OH as this situation is making me scared of how ill I can be. He is getting withdrawn but not down. He won't help much and he shouts at us all the time, its getting too much for me I wonder if I could cope better on my own although if he doesn't work and I'm a lone parent won't I have to work? I couldn't face it, I have never had any benefits as my illness was only discovered after I left work. I have no family up here and my mum died when I was 18. I rang my link worker today as I only see her if I need to but she hasn't rung back yet.
I am just scared that I will suddenly crack up and have a nervous breakdown and be in hospital and who will look after my kids then? what does it feel like to breakdown? I must be pretty close to one, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this Nic
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hi Nic
sorry to hear you are having such a bad time of it at the moment. you sound like you need a complete rest, hard thing to do, I know, with kids, have you any family around that could have them, or could you go away for a weekend?
I would also go and see your GP about this and possibly CAB to get some advice. if you are a single parent you are entitled to benefits, especially if you can dependents, which you have. But also your OH needs to know how he is making you feel and how his behaviour is affecting the family. maybe you could write him a letter, if you find it hard to put into words. Relate maybe an option too.
I really hope you find a solution to this soon.
best wishes and good luck
S :grouphug:
 
N

nicros

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
46
Thanks for the support, I have tried talking to him today when he eventually got up and then he had a headache and went back to bed. I cannot cope with this anymore, its not our situation thats stressing me out its his reaction to everything. I want him to go away for a while and let me calm down but he needs to be here to sort everything out atm for his work and benefits. My son would be heartbroken too but I think my daughter would cope fine as she is sick of watching me do everything and she is only 6. She says she hates men now, they are sooo lazy.
I know it is for the best to keep us all together but my mental health is starting to spill over into physical health now. I rang my link worker and she has a 3 week waiting list so she advised me to see the Dr which I am doing tonight, but I think she will put my venlafaxine up from 75 to 150mg. I tried this before for 2 weeks and felt awful.
How bad do you have to be to see the crisis team, I mean I would not harm my kids or kill myself even though it has crossed my mind that I would be free from all this, but having lost my mum young I would not do that to my kids. I have no family close to help out but I have friends but I don't like to put too much on them as they have their own problems too. Thanks again for listening I don't have any other release apart from this web site. Nic
 
bupanishad2012

bupanishad2012

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2009
Messages
69
Location
Springfield, Missouri
Help?

Seriously, what can we do? If I were near you I could be your friend in need, indeed. As a seriously mentally ill former Vietnam Vet, I have had a tussle of it myself, but I never quit trying. Thanks for keeping in touch via this Forum! Talk to us!
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hi Nic
This is obviously beginning to effect your daughter now and this is also unacceptable ehaviour for a parent (him not you) but as a mother I would do anything to protect my children and would rather be alone that let them face the things you are going through. I do not like the thought of families splitting either but staying for the sake of the kids then causing them emense psychological harm is as bad as giving them a good thrashing every week with a belt, no actually worse, cos skin wounds heel a lot quicker than head ones. Go and see the CAB, and see if yu can see the crisis team, there are no degrees of crisis, it is how it is effecting the individual, (what might be a crisis to one may not be to another) this is clearly effecting you and your family, I would say that this is a crisis. and so you need support for you and your children. dont leave it so long as it goes too far and it will take a lont longer to make right.
best wishes
S:hug:
 
F

fernando

Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2009
Messages
17
Location
on the South-coast
hang in there nic

money problems are a major concern for a lot of people these days and it is a massive issue in a relationship. Talk to citizens advice they can be a great help.
you sound like you are a great mother and partner so dont have any doubts about doing whats right for yourself and your children as for your other half sounds like he's shutting himself away.Maybe he also has depression,men are definately weaker, i know for i am that male.Could it be a possibility that you return to work and your husband looks after the kids?Try and find someone you and your other half can speak to as dialogue and communication is a big thing in a relationship .You WILL get there
all the best and take care
 
N

nicros

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
46
thanks for the replies. I have been to the Dr tonight and she has increased my venlafaxine by 37.5mg as doubling it made me feel really bad before. I have also spoken to her about my OH and she says he is suffering from depression. I have talked to him about this and he is going to the Dr tomorrow as he agrees. I don't want my family to split up I just want our life and my caring loving hubby back like we used to be. We have been much calmer and had a nice night with the kids tonight. I think we have both been so wrapped up in all the stress atm that we have both been withdrawn instead of facing it together. Hopefully thngs will get better soon, Nic
 
S

saffron

Guest
thats fantasitci NIc, hopefully you can all move on positively as a family. Im so glad he has decided to listen to you at last, that will help things to move forward. but it is always good to know that you have options too, that way I feel that you can not feel that you are in a complete rut and there is light at the end. if that makes sense. keep posting and let us know that as well, Im back in the dark so hearing that you have hope is really good.
take care
S
 

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