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Feel like im going insane

R

RealiltySux

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
3
Hi I am new here and I would like to share my experience to see if anyone else is going through the same thing. I think I have derealisation. I feel like I am in a dream or a movie that is never ending. I look out the window and I feel like I am looking at a movie scene or still dreaming and I get these strange feelings all the time. It is so hard to explain. I dwell on the past and wish I could go back so bad and knowing i cant ever do that is driving me crazy. I also worry and dwell on the future and it gets worse the older I get. I also have trouble with change and its really bad at the moment. Like any small change makes me feel weird and now if I try to do anything i just feel weird. I had this after my first child was born but it wasnt as bad as it is now. I have had so many losses over the past few years that I am constantly grieving and i know i wont ever get over losing people and pets that I love. I just lost another one of my beloved cats and I am beside myself with grief. Also about 3 months ago my son and father disowned me for no real reason and then my best friend stopped talking to me. So now I have no one who cares about me and I have no one to talk to so I sit at home all day alone and isolated with just thoughts going around and around as I am a chronic over thinker which I am sure doesnt help. I am so lost and alone and feel like i have no purpose in this life anymore and no reason to go on. The very thought of going out and trying to find a friend does my head in and freak me out. These weird feelings are getting worse every day and I feel like my mind is going to disappear and not come back. I also get memory feeling triggers if i see something in a movie or in real life and it makes my mind go back to that time in my past and not only do i see the memory but i get the exact same feelings that I had at that time in my past. Its so hard to explain. I am in a constant state of weirdness that even the thought of getting up off my seat and doing something else makes me feel strange. Does anyone have anything similar to this cause I feel that I am alone with these feelings and thoughts and I am afraid if they continue I will have no choice but to end it all. Please help
 
daisydrops91

daisydrops91

Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2018
Messages
22
Location
England
Hi I am new here and I would like to share my experience to see if anyone else is going through the same thing. I think I have derealisation. I feel like I am in a dream or a movie that is never ending. I look out the window and I feel like I am looking at a movie scene or still dreaming and I get these strange feelings all the time. It is so hard to explain. I dwell on the past and wish I could go back so bad and knowing i cant ever do that is driving me crazy. I also worry and dwell on the future and it gets worse the older I get. I also have trouble with change and its really bad at the moment. Like any small change makes me feel weird and now if I try to do anything i just feel weird. I had this after my first child was born but it wasnt as bad as it is now. I have had so many losses over the past few years that I am constantly grieving and i know i wont ever get over losing people and pets that I love. I just lost another one of my beloved cats and I am beside myself with grief. Also about 3 months ago my son and father disowned me for no real reason and then my best friend stopped talking to me. So now I have no one who cares about me and I have no one to talk to so I sit at home all day alone and isolated with just thoughts going around and around as I am a chronic over thinker which I am sure doesnt help. I am so lost and alone and feel like i have no purpose in this life anymore and no reason to go on. The very thought of going out and trying to find a friend does my head in and freak me out. These weird feelings are getting worse every day and I feel like my mind is going to disappear and not come back. I also get memory feeling triggers if i see something in a movie or in real life and it makes my mind go back to that time in my past and not only do i see the memory but i get the exact same feelings that I had at that time in my past. Its so hard to explain. I am in a constant state of weirdness that even the thought of getting up off my seat and doing something else makes me feel strange. Does anyone have anything similar to this cause I feel that I am alone with these feelings and thoughts and I am afraid if they continue I will have no choice but to end it all. Please help
:welcome:

Your post rings so true to me. It really does.

I am the exact same with change. It triggers my anxiety and depression. I have a new job starting next week and have started dating someone new and all of a sudden, I feel weird like, I want to push this person away and I really don't want to start my new job next week because I am scared. Things have happened in my past that have made me this way. I got severely bullied at school and had a massive loss in my life when I was 7 years old.

Have you been to the doctors? Or have you considered seeing a therapist? CBT is brilliant for combating thoughts and the emotions attached to those thoughts. Maybe this is something you could look into?

I'm sorry to hear about people not speaking to you anymore. That's not nice at all. I have gone through a similar experience myself recently. Have you reached out to these people to try to talk to them and explain how you are feeling? This could help?

This forum is good for finding like minded people who are going through a similar situation to yourself. Remember, you are not alone. Do not end your life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just need the right support to get you there.
 
R

RealiltySux

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
3
Hi Daisy thank you for replying. I dont know what has triggered this but its become so much worse over the last few days. I just feel so weird and i cant handle anything right now. Even the thought of getting food makes me feel odd so I wont do it. I was also bullied at school and in every relationship with men except my first. My son and dad are pretty adamant that they dont want me around and its killing me. May i ask what CBT is as i have never heard of it. I just wish I had one person in the real world that cared about me or even cared what happens to me. I am so lost and alone and that does not help my depression and anxiety because I just sit here all day and think and think and dwell. I am seeing psychologist and she is nice but not really helping. I dont think I am coming back from this i feel like my mind is slowly disappearing and I am going to go insane. I cant take these feelings anymore. I could handle anxiety if i didnt have these weird feelings in my head.
 
daisydrops91

daisydrops91

Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2018
Messages
22
Location
England
Hi Daisy thank you for replying. I dont know what has triggered this but its become so much worse over the last few days. I just feel so weird and i cant handle anything right now. Even the thought of getting food makes me feel odd so I wont do it. I was also bullied at school and in every relationship with men except my first. My son and dad are pretty adamant that they dont want me around and its killing me. May i ask what CBT is as i have never heard of it. I just wish I had one person in the real world that cared about me or even cared what happens to me. I am so lost and alone and that does not help my depression and anxiety because I just sit here all day and think and think and dwell. I am seeing psychologist and she is nice but not really helping. I dont think I am coming back from this i feel like my mind is slowly disappearing and I am going to go insane. I cant take these feelings anymore. I could handle anxiety if i didnt have these weird feelings in my head.
Sometimes, you won't know what the trigger is. It just sort of happens. It could be a combination of things that have been building up over the years.

Can I ask what you mean about weird feelings?

Why do your Dad and Son not want you around? I think they are being pretty harsh towards you considering what you are going through. How old is your son?

If your psychologist isn't helping, you need to find another option. Are you on any medication?

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is all based on tackling your thoughts and the feelings associated with your thoughts. It's all about changing the way you think and behave. It's good for people who are suffering from anxiety and depression. I know that I can't cope with change. I have been honest about how I have been feeling with my GP and person who assessed me for therapy and they are adamant this is the right route for me.
 
R

RealiltySux

New member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
3
I had these same feelings after my son was born but its 100 times worse now. Maybe my grief and the loss i suffered this week and whats happening with my family is what triggered this episode. The weird feelings are so hard to explain. Its like being in a dream state or a movie that is never ending. I cant handle getting old and it makes me feel weird. There is so much more to it i just cant write it all here it would take too long and too much space. My son is 27 and got sick of me getting upset when he was angry and taking it out on me so he said he doesnt want me in his life and my dad blames me for how my son is. I miss them but i think they are happier without me and they hurts bad. Im sure they dont even miss me. I used to be my sons carer and i did everything for them but i guess it went unappreciated. I am not on any medication as it doesnt work for me.
 
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