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Feel like I’ll never be a normal eater

R

Redchip26

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Jan 24, 2019
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United Kingdom
I’m in recovery from anorexia but I never feel like I’m getting any better. I constantly think and worry about food. I try to eat intuitively but I often overeat and always feel so guilty and pretty much every negetive emotion. All I want is to be normal again and do things like have fun with my friends but my ed has took away my life. Sometimes I have kind of binges where I just eat and feel out of control and not hungry but I can’t stop, I actually just did about an hour ago although it doesn’t happen all the time. Afterwards I feel completely disgusting and undeserving of food again, then when I my friends or family are doing something which involves food I feel like I can’t join in because I’ve already eaten too much and I don’t deserve it. I tried to stop counting calories but I restarted and I can’t stop. Also, I was going to have a pint of ice cream this weekend, which I’ve done before, but I feel scared to and I don’t want that to become a disordered thing. I know it’s unhealthy to do that and normal eaters probably don’t, but i’m Curious to know what people think about doing things like that. Also, if I’m underweight I find it easier to eat what I want when I want but when I put on weight I feel like o need to restrict to maintain it and end up being unhappy and probably binging later. I just feel very alone in life right now and like this journey is never ending and I’m not getting anywhere.
 
calypso

calypso

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I don't pretend to understand what having an ED feels like. But I would have thought that you are never fully recovered from anorexia its just something you manage over the course of the years. YOu may have good weeks and bad ones, but keep struggling on with it all and see if you can manage to keep your weight healthy. I think calorie counting is a problem so is there any way you can distract yourself? Sorry I'm not being much help am I?
 
N

Nahe

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Jun 3, 2019
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I also feel like it will follow me my whole life
 
H

Helena1

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How long have you been in recovery? You sound like you are doing well to me, it takes a long time to recover and sometimes it is hard to see the progress we have made when you are still struggling.

I think it is normal to eat a tub of ice cream at once occasionally.
 
M

Mary26

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Feb 28, 2018
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You say you're in recovery but I'm not sure what that means exactly. Recovery typically involves both therapy and working with a nutritionist to put together a meal plan because we actually forget how to eat. I don't think we can just shift from disordered eating to intuitive eating so easily because we have learned to suppress our hunger cues to an extreme and because the disordered voice is still in there. If you can stick to a meal plan for long enough, you can reprogram and then the body will start to get used to being properly nourished and you may not even feel the need to binge.
 
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