- Jan 24, 2019
- United Kingdom
I’m in recovery from anorexia but I never feel like I’m getting any better. I constantly think and worry about food. I try to eat intuitively but I often overeat and always feel so guilty and pretty much every negetive emotion. All I want is to be normal again and do things like have fun with my friends but my ed has took away my life. Sometimes I have kind of binges where I just eat and feel out of control and not hungry but I can’t stop, I actually just did about an hour ago although it doesn’t happen all the time. Afterwards I feel completely disgusting and undeserving of food again, then when I my friends or family are doing something which involves food I feel like I can’t join in because I’ve already eaten too much and I don’t deserve it. I tried to stop counting calories but I restarted and I can’t stop. Also, I was going to have a pint of ice cream this weekend, which I’ve done before, but I feel scared to and I don’t want that to become a disordered thing. I know it’s unhealthy to do that and normal eaters probably don’t, but i’m Curious to know what people think about doing things like that. Also, if I’m underweight I find it easier to eat what I want when I want but when I put on weight I feel like o need to restrict to maintain it and end up being unhappy and probably binging later. I just feel very alone in life right now and like this journey is never ending and I’m not getting anywhere.