Feel like given up :(

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themountaineer

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Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#1
Last year my life changed from husband to carer, my wife was diagnosed as having Psychotic Depression and was hospitalised in April 2015 for 6 weeks (still not sure if that is the most accurate diagnosis, but it is the one the "professionals" are labeling it with at the moment. (Although she was hospitalised in April, this has been going on a whole lot longer before then)

I have been as supportive as I can, I maintain the house, feed her, finance the home. I give her no pressure to return to work, and pander to her needs.

About 15 years ago she gave up alcohol as she could not manage that very well. In recent months she has started drinking again (unsociably through the night). I know this is because she is self medicating to minimise the psychosis / auditory hallucinations etc (on top of her other meds, antipsychotic and anti depression). It is just destroying our relationship. I have talked to her and begged her to stop drinking as it is adding further complications and not aiding her recovery.

I feel I have no one to talk to, most friends and family do not fully understand and offer shit advise. So my stress levels have gone through the roof in recent months.I am even considering getting some meds or counselling myself to cope.

Or do I just walk away ?

I feel the love is fading in our relationship, we have little intimacy only in the form of a cuddle. We talk about our relationship, and she acknowledges she has nothing to give me emotionally at the moment as she is caught up in her own world of pain, which I fully understand. But It does not take away the shitty empty feeling I have in my life. I am trying to stay strong, but everyone has a breaking point, and mine is getting closer.

Anyone else going through similar crap, how do you cope? or has anyone walked away... was life better or did the grass just look greener?
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Jan 27, 2015
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UK
#2
Hi mountaineer.

So sorry to hear of your struggles ...

You mention getting some counselling for yourself.
I don't think it's a bad idea for you to have some kind of support.

I guess it depends what's available in your area
Attaching the link for MIND as they are pretty good at signposting people to relevant services in their area. In some areas there is help for carers, reach out and get it, if it's possible.
Home | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems
I'm not experiencing anything similar to you, but wanted to respond..

Look after yourself
Best wishes
Unique xx
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

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Mordor
#3
I think it would help if you widen her support network?

Maybe a day center would be good if there is one nearby?

Also we have a recovery college, to help people learn about their illness, and even encourage them back into employment.
 
S

Stray

Guest
#4
I think you definitely need and deserve some support yourself. The mh team should have assessed your needs as a carer, I would suggest asking them for local sources of support, perhaps carer's resource or similar. Your GP might be able to refer you for some counselling, therapy. Your needs are as important as those of your wife, please do seek some help for yourself xx
 
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themountaineer

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Joined
Nov 4, 2014
Messages
57
#5
thanks for the replies...

my post was more a primal scream coming from me...just needed somewhere to let it out, and I guessed here was a good as place as any. But I am interested in communicating with other carers out there and hopefully learning some coping strategies. I'll try and find a local carers support group in Brighton & Hove, the carers.org website had some local thing, but all during office hours which is no good to me. Plus that will be mixed rather than mental health carers.

I did see my gp today, just to get some sleeping pills, so I can at least get some proper shut eye. He said he can refer me for counselling if I want it, so I have that to fall back on if I need it.

It is difficult to continue your caring role when the person you care does things that hinders the recovery, you just think, what is the point! ...yes we can blame it on the illness etc, but still does not take the emotional element away, you still feel the pain.
 
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tommysmom

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Jan 1, 2014
Messages
102
#6
I feel the same way. My situation is about my son. I'm tired of it all.
 
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Amigoman116

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2017
Messages
5
#7
I know exactly how you feel my situation is so similar but I find just having somewhere like this to talk a great help,Not coping at all


My wife has recently become reliant on diazepam again to the extent that I have to give her her meds in the morning and then take myself out of the situation until her next dose is due,she gets up and dressed but then she lays on the sofa and doesn't move,the mental health team are useless,when you can get them to answer the phone they care not interested unless I take her to a&e,difficult when she won't leave the house,I broke down in tears this morning in front of her,I couldn't help it,but she just lay there oblivious,I really don't know what to do now,I really should be there for her but it's the constant begging for diazepam,we have had long talks over the last week's when she promises to do little things around the house and go out for a short walk but then breaks every promise or puts condition on it like,I'll have a diazepam and then I'll do this....but then when pill is taken reverts back to the sofa,I'm at my wit's end,I don't want to go out all day but I feel I have no choice because inevitably I will give in to her demands as I can't bear to see her cry and it's not helping her,I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with no way out
 

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