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Feel like an embarrassment

SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
Location
The West Country
Has anybody got any tips or advice for that little voice inside that insists that you're an embarrassment? :low:

I was very socially anxious as a teenager - couldn't hold eye contact, constant shaking and adrenaline whenever I spoke to anybody, blushing to the point of making my eyes water etc.
Luckily, i've got a bit better in my twenties.

But even now, whenever I interact with people, I come home and I over-analyse my own behaviour.
And even though I logically know I haven't done anything to make a fool of myself, I can't get rid of this horrible feeling inside that i'm an embarrassment and should just stop talking to people. :BLAH:

I feel the shame physically, like a heat in my chest and face. And I can't let go of the belief that i'm a cringey person who nobody really wants to talk to.
 
W

Waverunner

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2015
Messages
2,113
Not sure I have any tips Somerset but wanted to say hi. I find when I feel like this I have to keep telling myself that it is my thoughts and not what is true or what the other person thinks/ feels.
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,653
Location
US
I go through the exact same thing, somerset, everything you've described. You say you've gotten a little better in your twenties, and I can attest that I've gotten even more better in my thirties ;) So time, growth, and maturity may have something to do with it.

As for advice, sometimes the voices that belittle us are hard to ignore. The ones about social anxiety have gotten easier for me to handle because I dont have time to waste on them. I'll ask myself things like, do I really care what they thought of me? Do I respect them? Often enough the answer is no and i realize it genuinely doesnt matter what may or may not have happened in a social situation. I have things in my life I'm content with, and I let that be enough to counter the nagging about a potential minor embarrassment.

As for people I do respect, this is harder to overlook. My brain constantly wants me to analyze everything I've said, make sure there's no way I could've offended them (and occasionally make up ways I could have just to torture me). In these cases I tell my brain I dont have time to listen and over analyze. If something happens, it will happen, and most of the time it doesnt. So I try to distract myself with other things and keep moving actively forward instead. If a concern is so pressing that I can't stop thinking about it, ive learned that it's better to go straight to the source and clear things up with them personally than continue to waste my life dwelling on it.

It is a constant battle I face nearly every day, but practice makes...more bearable lol Try to focus on your positives and accept that worrying about what if's wont make them go away. I'm sorry if that wasnt good advice, I have just sort of adapted as I grow. If nothing else, know you are not alone :hug1: I wish you well.
 
T

Twokiwisandabanana

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2016
Messages
811
Social anxiety ahhh I hate this
It's self shame
I went in the sea this week but I didn't want to get out because there was so many people it was like an audience in my swimming costume!
Self compassion is a huge thing when you've hd a difficult time you do t love YOURSELF like we are supposed to that's the goal but a hard one to achieve.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
472
Location
Auckland, NZ
And I can't let go of the belief that i'm a cringey person who nobody really wants to talk to.
Yes, I have that as well, it's horrible. I've been wanting to get rid of it for years. I believe it's part of the overall 'toxic shame' I carry and, for me, the best things that have helped have been a combination of three things, 1] meds to reduce anxiety, 2] mindfulness, and 3] self positive affirmations. I still get the shame attacks, intrusive thoughts, but those 3 things I mentioned have helped to lessen it, which I'm happy about.
 
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