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Feel helpless for my mother.. any advice?

T

tylert220

New member
Joined
May 23, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Pittsburgh
Hi everyone! I am a 24 year old guy without any mental health diseases but my mom has had multiple mental health issues since I can remember. She's diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar-schizoaffective. Growing up in that environment was challenging as I never fully understood what she was going through. Thankfully she quit alcohol when I was about five, so that wasn't an issue. Over the past few years I've really started to empathize with her as I've studied her diseases more in depth (I just graduated pharmacy school).

Anyways, I just feel so bad for her. She seems to be fighting a continuously uphill battle that she can never win. It's like one step forward, two steps backwards. She is on disability and doesn't work, so she has no routine. She doesn't have any friends except my dad, so she spends her days alone with my dog either sleeping or on the internet. She has trouble taking care of herself on a basic level. She can't keep the house clean or tidy, and rarely ever cooks. She eats junk and has gained a lot of weight recently (also due to the quetiapine). She doesn't leave the house very often and feels anxious about doing so anyways.

I've tried so many things to help her. She isn't motivated to do anything, like clean up the house, even though deep down she wants the house to be clean. She always says something is blocking her. I feel like she needs a purpose in life, to help other people with mental disease or at least some socialization. Like I said I do not have mental health issues but I know I would go crazy if I spent all day alone everyday! There's no way that can be good for anyone.

Sorry if I rambled but I wanted to get my thoughts down and there is so much more to the story honestly, but that's the gist of it. I'm wondering if any of you guys can relate to my mom's situation and have any advice for her. Thanks!
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
Hello tylert220
Congratulations regarding graduating pharmacy school.

Regarding your mom, that’s really sad what her life has become, glad she beat the alcohol though.

You are so right she does need a purpose in life but she has never found it. And that is so tough in a world that measures success by achievement.

Do you know why your mom is like this? Sometimes things happen to our parents before the children come along.

I really don’t know what to suggest. You are very kind and thoughtful to care about your mom. most adult children once they have flown the nest …but then at some point your life might take a new direction as in moving away.

What I would encourage your mom to think about doing is getting out a little. Maybe a church café in most towns they exist these days and the reason why I mention the church café is that it is a quieter place and the people are more accepting of folk who are on the edge of life.
 
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tylert220

New member
Joined
May 23, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Pittsburgh
Thanks for the reply. I'm brainstorming ideas to get her out the house more, to be able to socialize and get out of her own trap. She was very sheltered as a kid.. as in her parents wouldn't tell her about things like class trips. They were very controlling to the point that she didn't grow up with normal childhood experiences. This is still with her to this day, she is very subservient and afraid to voice her opinion or upset others. It's really hard for me to empathize with because to me its just like your an adult now you are in control of your life.. but that just doesn't resonate with her
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
9,385
Location
basketville
gee this is a tough situation and very sad and yeah the myth of the adult being the grown up. having had a childhood like that has obviously had a lasting effect.

can you talk to anyone about this for your own understanding and how to deal with it. maybe a social worker to help support your mom to go out. dunno how that works these days.
 
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