Is there a person or number you can call for help when you feel like this?
I didn't realise you self harmed. I haven't ever really done it other than drinking when things get very bad for me. I have done one other thing but not sure it is self harm. It is hard to know what to do when we are distraught.
I hope the journey home is so nice that you will feel more at peace with everything. Your pets will be there when you get home to greet you and i am sure do not want to see you suffer. When i have been drunk, my cat has come to me very upset and confused. It hurts to make her sad.
I have been thinking, what has helped me is to internalise the love and kindness, the care, the fondness people have had for you, that is what helped me. I think of my grandparents and other family members, think of the images rather than words, i think of images of me and another person cuddling. My Granny kissing my head as a baby, there is a photo of it.
You can keep in your mind, your heart, these nice people here and others who care for you.
Any bad memory that comes to mind, quickly replace it with that.