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feel blah and bored with life

M

megirl

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Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
Location
NZ
#1
Weird feeling am happy with a few things going on but just life in general i dont know just the same thing day in and day out. I need a change maybe get out of the country do some travelling and hell with everything.
Though theres my dog love him so much
My husband just being an arrogant selfish arse.
Unsupportive etc
Annoying feeling
Have some lovely people as friends on the forum makes me carry on,
 
M

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,008
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#2
Feel like getting drunk again!!
Am ok sometimes when have been drinking then can get overwhelmed with life and anyway feel like harming myself. My support worker who i saw the other day thinks a couple of days on the psych ward may help just to give me time out. Maybe a good thing not too sure.
I think part of it is my dad has been dead 9 years on the 6th of march and hes the only one in my family that was proud of me and knew what its like to have a mental illness. My birthdays coming up which is fine. I guess with my Dad he loved me. My mother physically and emotionally abused me. Now she has chosen not to have anything with me. I just about died 2 days before xmas 2016 etc , anyway since then because it wsnt all about her for a change shes the one that has ignored me.
Guess sometimes life has its rough patches and i will get through just need to accept thats how it is at the moment
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Apr 9, 2011
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
#3
hey sweetie
sorry you are struggling
sorry about your dad too-but you know what? he was not the only one who was proud of you
I AM PROUD OF YOU ,you look after your dog ,you try to manage your illness the best you can
you are a good friend to many
sending lots and lots of love
Lu x
 
M

megirl

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#4
Fairy Lu how do you do it you always have so much to give to otherss,
Love you heaps you so deserve the best,
Wish I lived closer xx
Big hugs too you
He was always proud of me i loved him so much and I can so often see him just at the front door.
Do you know what my dog hasnt left my side all day arent they beautiful
 
M

megirl

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#5
Yep feel like taking an overdose the urge is so strong today am fighting it,
Yet my dog knows somethings up and i am now losing that urge,
I went into town this morning and bought my dog a few polarfleece blankets like for 10 dollars or 5 pounds each he loves them already dont have any children so he deserves all that i can give
 
M

megirl

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#7
I wont aren't they awesome,
kind of freaking me out today he keeps looking at me with those amber eyes which are quite unusual eyes to be honest makes him extra special but I wont harm myself i just need to be around those who know what its like xx
Fairy Lu
love you lots
 
Bedsocks

Bedsocks

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Joined
Feb 25, 2018
Messages
60
#11
I know what it is like. Today and lately I have wanted to get drunk and overdose. I don't know why but also feel boredom or am not coping with life. Life is unfulfilling as I have lost so much opportunity. I think missing some meds often and the emotion it would allow me to feel which I long for. I think that is understandable to be bored with the day to day when you have felt such extremes of mood. I am aware always how destructive those extremes can be to my life and relationships though. I start to drink and then stop because I am not enjoying myself or my cat wanders in and stares at me disapprovingly. Wanting food or to play. He keeps me here and behaving myself. I spoil him too but he is my child like your dog is yours.

Is there anything wild and outrageous you could do that does not involve the bad stuff?
 
M

megirl

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#12
Actually wouldnt mind just bloody hop on a plane and leave nz a whole new change a new life.
Yep been drinking too much. Nothing since friday though.
Took an overdose on friday ended up in icu and being on a breathing machine.
Saw crisis team who werent too interested in helping me.
Went home and yes my husband wants me too leave.
I feel so sad overwhelmed and lost.
My pdoc has been away and she was back this morning and wants to admit me for a few days. She has always gone out of her way for me. And will not be happy the crisis team didnt get me admitted. I feel a little calmer knowing i will be in a safe place knowing that nothing will be expected of me. rest and talk to staff.
I feel that this is the most sensible choice.
I could just cry and cry.
My husband doesnt even share a joint account with me. We have more than enough money. He goes on and on about it as if we are on the bones of our arse.
We have a lovely home. We both have a car he earns plenty. etc etc.
I am so stuck at the moment. My dad died 9 years ago on the 6th of march 6 days before my birthday.
He was the only one that was proud of me in my whole family.
Gosh i miss him like he only died yesterday.
 
Bedsocks

Bedsocks

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Feb 25, 2018
Messages
60
#13
A break in hospital would be good. Your psychiatrist is a good one. Sadly there are many bad workers in mh but there are many good too. There might be some bad ones on the ward so just avoid them and stick to the helpful ones.

Is your marriage over or going through a bad patch? It is maybe not a good time to make big decisions when you are in a crisis.

Any overdose needs to be taken seriously and I am amazed you were not admitted. They maybe thought you had support at home. Go and have a break and talk with people there. The next overdose could be fatal and I don't want that to happen. If I want to overdose I think of my Gran cuddling me.
 
M

megirl

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#14
Yeh my Nana too. My mother was always nasty and told lies about my Nana.
For some reason even as a young child i loved my Nana anyway. I barely ever saw her. But once i got a job in town and had my drivers licence i would spend afternoons after work with her. Take her out for coffee just be with her. She was always just a lovely caring and beautiful lady that would have done anything for her bless her.
When she became poorly and couldnt get out of bed i used to spend most mornings at the rest home with her. I often would just leave her sleeping but just being in the same room with her was soothing for my soul. As soon as she woke up there would be kisses and hugs and no matter what she was going through she would smile.
The rest home staff loved her to bits.
She was 'the lady that always smiled' the staff would often give her a big hug it was awesome to see her being cared for in such a lovely way.
 
M

megirl

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#15
Just brief message as from my cell phone. So on the psych ward. Feel safe see pdoc later.
 
M

megirl

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#17
Yeh saw the doctor. She wants to monitor my mood and keep me on the ward till things settle down. I felt so euphoric this afternoon it was awesome. It didn't last long sadly. But alls well in the best place and my pdoc is awesome so very lucky
 
M

megirl

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#19
Thanks xx
Feel safer here. Wanted to go home yesterday. Just because the staff are great but missing the dog xx
 
Bedsocks

Bedsocks

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Feb 25, 2018
Messages
60
#20
It is like respite from the mind and hope too that you will feel better soon as somebody who knows what they are doing is on the case for you. Your dog will be happier to have you home and well soon than you not well or worse. I saw on a tvprog today that dogs find something of their owners, like a slipper, and lay next to it. It comforts them when you are not there. A really nice thought. Mine used to sleep on a blouse I had so I let him have it in his bed and never washed it.