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Feel awful like a cheat

R

Rosedoll

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2018
Messages
12
Back in the summer a teenage ex boyfriend messaged me on Facebook.. we got chatting and talking about past memories and stuff. I said to him do you want to have a talk on the phone? (never happened) he also sent photos of himself and I commented and said 'lovely eyes' I'm nearly 30 now and I'm married with kids! I have had awful guilt that I've done something awful to my husband. I even told my husband what I said to him and he said it's OK I have done nothing wrong and to forget it now.. But I can't forget it and feel I've been bad by saying to the ex he had lovely eyes. I've blocked the ex since.

Thank you for reading this far and love to know how to deal with this!
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
Back in the summer a teenage ex boyfriend messaged me on Facebook.. we got chatting and talking about past memories and stuff. I said to him do you want to have a talk on the phone? (never happened) he also sent photos of himself and I commented and said 'lovely eyes' I'm nearly 30 now and I'm married with kids! I have had awful guilt that I've done something awful to my husband. I even told my husband what I said to him and he said it's OK I have done nothing wrong and to forget it now.. But I can't forget it and feel I've been bad by saying to the ex he had lovely eyes. I've blocked the ex since.

Thank you for reading this far and love to know how to deal with this!

I think you are guilting yourself to much. Its not like you cheated on your husband, and you confessed and he said it was ok.

Don't guilt trip yourself so much.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,203
Location
Nashua NH
It’s okay to give people compliments without it seeming like you are taking things further. It seemed to me that what you did was offer a sincere compliment which is flattering. You could do that to strangers in the street just as easily. So long as everyone involved knows that it was only a compliment, nothing more. xo, j
 
anex

anex

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Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
122
Location
USA
You are still worthy of forgiving yourself, even if you’re unhappy with the decision you made. It’s okay to make mistakes, even in relationships. You recognized the potential inappropriateness in your response, which led you to take action you felt was necessary (confessing to your husband and blocking your ex). You’re not a bad person :) I hope you can recognize that part of your shadow side, validate her, and forgive her.
 
Intareseid

Intareseid

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2020
Messages
87
Location
Somewhere I don't belong.
Well, what better proof that you did nothing wrong than telling your husband and him saying it's not a big deal?

It's just irrational anxiety, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong about reminiscing with an old ex and giving a compliment. And in case you made sure to check with your husband.
 
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