Feel a bit mental

[notrealname]

Hi
I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia a few months ago and switched from antidepressants to Mood Stabilisers (Lamotrigine). I feel a lot better since then having been all over the place for nearly a decade! But I'm feeling a bit weird at the moment.

I've been keeping a mood graph since I was diagnosed because I couldn't see any of the symptoms in myself and I thought it might help me to understand a bit better. I have noticed a block of high mood followed by a block of rapidly swinging mood (like extremely optimistic one day followed by really depressed the next day and repeat) during last month. The rest of the time I feel either normal or really spaced out.

At the moment I wouldn't say my mood is high or low but I feel a bit all over the place. My thoughts are racing a lot and skipping, so that I can't concentrate on much at a time, and I'm getting paranoid because I keep emailing my friend with stuff I've found on the internet (we're both writers and big comedy fans so I send over stuff that's relevant to that) and she hasn't replied even though she's been on Facebook so she's definitely been on the internet. I feel a little out of control and like my thoughts are going too fast but there's no euphoria or anything.

I go through phases of paranoia as well, like the above with the emails only quite a lot worse. For about a week a couple of times a year or so I become convinced that everybody hates me and only spends time with me out of pity or feeling obliged (including my family).

I've accidentally forgotten my medication a lot recently so it's a bit unregulated. I think I've also been stressed as I'm getting a lot more anxious and having minor panic attacks more than usual.

Do you think forgetting the medication and stress might be what's caused the way I'm feeling or is this part of bipolar? Is there something I can do to help myself? I'm really confused about what's bipolar and what's anxiety and how I can tell the difference and what sort of things I can do about it!

Thank you for reading

 

[a_wolf]

I get those feelings too, but I haven't been diagnosed, so I can't say anything about the drugs.

I will often be talking with my boss (whom I like very much) and I'll assume from what I discern as an off-tone is her considering firing me. This isn't exclusive to her, but is just the most recent time I had that. I've also had the feeling that my parents were just stuck with me, didn't actually care, and my friends felt sorry for me... etc....

I'm usually 'up' when this happens or feeling a bit really 'up' and a bit really down. That's the scariest part, I don't really know what I'll do one moment to the next at that point.

I don't know how helpful that was, as I really know very little about what the drugs do.

Hope you feel better!