FED UP

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PsychoPrince

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Apr 22, 2019
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Music? Boring. TV? Boring. Movies? Boring. Video Games? Boring. Friends? Unavailable. Hobbies? Too expensive. God? Where the f*** are you. Girlfriend? L O f*g L. Suicide...logical?

Every day I put the mask on at work and pretend like I'm fine. Why? I'm not going to pretend to be happy when I go on tonight. I'm not going to say "It will work out in the end" or "Not too bad" or whatever small talk bullshit shows up in my head. When I pray on the way to work like I usually do today it's going to sound like a Slayer song.

Why am I so [email protected]%@*d up? Why can't I just forget? Why is pot the only thing that ever came into my life bringing unconditional joy? Why can't I stop craving it? Why can't I stop craving sex that I know is just empty loveless lust? What do I even want out of this life? I look left, right, front, back, nope, still can't see the joy in life.

Life sucks and it feels damned good to say it because it feels HONEST and now that I've let it out I'm fine. But once I get off here, I'm going to be bored. Then I'm going to go to work and be bored. Come home. Bored. Wake up. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. And this feeling is just going to sneak right back up on me until I question my whole philosophy. Why? Because I'm too terrified to even walk out the door. Anxiety, paranoia, loneliness, isolation, and bad memories are my enemy, and they have got me pinned down like sand under a wave. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO ESCAPE THIS I see my therapist this week and psychiatrist this month and I'm going ask of there's a pill for this ***t.

Nothing brings me pleasure anymore. Just had to say it to someone. Thanks for listening.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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" Close your eyes and forget your name
Step outside yourself and let your thoughts drain
As you go insane, insane
Innate seed
To watch you bleed
A demanding physical need
Desecrated eviscerated
Times prostrated "


looks like Slayer feels the same way
awesome post

🎸
 
I

iWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH2

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I'm sorry you are suffering. 🤗
 
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PsychoPrince

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Apr 22, 2019
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Thank you for the hugs and for listening to me vent. If you or anyone viewing needs to get something out I am happy to listen as well.
 
Sammyjames97

Sammyjames97

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Nov 30, 2018
Messages
37
I read your post and understand what you mean with you being bored. I used to love games and films but when I was first ill I was never able to enjoy them like I used to. It was shit with my paranoia and delusions and constant negative shit from my mind voices, I've felt like ending it over a hundred times over the last 2 years and I know it can be shit. I was feeling like not being here earlier but I'm not the sort of guy to try commit suicide for some reason.
Have you tried anti depressants are you on any meds? I can talk to you about what you go through if you want you can message me
 
FadeToBlack

FadeToBlack

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Nov 26, 2018
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I know how you feel. I don't have any advice because I have not cracked this yet either.

All I seem to do is work and sleep. I used to play video games a lot and have friends, but not for 6 years now.

I guess all I can say is be there for family, and do your best at work. One day things might change. Have to hope for the best and not punish yourself for not doing much.
 
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PsychoPrince

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Apr 22, 2019
Messages
86
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Indy
I read your post and understand what you mean with you being bored. I used to love games and films but when I was first ill I was never able to enjoy them like I used to. It was shit with my paranoia and delusions and constant negative shit from my mind voices, I've felt like ending it over a hundred times over the last 2 years and I know it can be shit. I was feeling like not being here earlier but I'm not the sort of guy to try commit suicide for some reason.
Have you tried anti depressants are you on any meds? I can talk to you about what you go through if you want you can message me
You're a good guy Sammyjames, thank you for the thoughtful comment. I am okay and I actually see my doctor this month (I forgot when I made my initial post) and intend fully to speak with him about an antidepressant. How about you my man? Are you feeling ok?
 
Sammyjames97

Sammyjames97

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Joined
Nov 30, 2018
Messages
37
You're a good guy Sammyjames, thank you for the thoughtful comment. I am okay and I actually see my doctor this month (I forgot when I made my initial post) and intend fully to speak with him about an antidepressant. How about you my man? Are you feeling ok?
Thankyou I'm okay glad you are feeling better
 
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