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Fear of past coming back

J

Jxsmine_eh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
Hi there.

I really need help with this one. I’m in a super supportive loving relationship with my current partner. I love him so much and there is no one else I want to be with - he’s my soulmate.

but I keep thinking about my ex from two years ago. Not because I want to be with him. I hate his guts and it was such an unhealthy relationship. But I’m super scared I’m gonna wake up one day and be back with him. I know it’s irrational but it’s such a Real fear. I don’t know what to do or why this is happening?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,505
Location
Nowhere
I think alot of people find themselves in that situation
including myself
I think because sometimes we are drawn to people and situations
that mimic people from our past , that are familiar

which locks into our old ways of doing things

:grouphug: 🐢🎼💜
 
J

Jxsmine_eh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
I think alot of people find themselves in that situation
including myself
I think because sometimes we are drawn to people and situations
that mimic people from our past , that are familiar

which locks into our old ways of doing things

:grouphug: 🐢🎼💜
Would you mind explaining a bit more?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
17,505
Location
Nowhere
k I dont know I will try

ive been in and out of therapy for about 30 years
and it turns out
that some of my more traumatic relationships
I was with someone that reminded me of a family member
not always but in some of them

and I would be behaving in a way
that I'm used to that would please that family member
I'm probably still doing that
 
J

Jxsmine_eh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
That makes sense.

not sure if that answers my specific worry but it was helpful thank you
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,095
Location
Nashua NH
Hi there.

I really need help with this one. I’m in a super supportive loving relationship with my current partner. I love him so much and there is no one else I want to be with - he’s my soulmate.

but I keep thinking about my ex from two years ago. Not because I want to be with him. I hate his guts and it was such an unhealthy relationship. But I’m super scared I’m gonna wake up one day and be back with him. I know it’s irrational but it’s such a Real fear. I don’t know what to do or why this is happening?
It really sucks that memories of your ex are seeping into your relationship with your new partner. Maybe you should write down some reasons you will never get back with your ex and when you start to ruminate over him and the possibility of returning to him you could read and review them for reassurance. Also have you shared this fear with your partner? By telling him he might be able to help you get grounded with reality checks too.... :hug:
 
J

Jxsmine_eh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
I have. He always reassures me and makes me feel better. I just have a huge guilt over it even though I know I’m just paranoid
 
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